SOVA Blog

How Teens Cope With Digital Stress

December 20, 2017 in Educate Yourself, Social Media Guide

Cyberbullying

Teens live with their phones in their pockets, and this has created tons of entertainment for you—but it has also created stress. Teens deal with cyber-bullying, digital self-harm, fake accounts, and many other problems that can contribute to anxiety and depression.

Most research on digital stress focuses on coping with social stress and cyber-bullying. But other online problems also exist, including digital impersonation, smothering, and hacking.

A super interesting article in the Journal of Adolescent Research looked at hundreds of teens’ posts online and found out five ways that teens cope with this “digital stress” and reduce their anxiety when they scroll through their feeds. Here’s a rundown of these strategies:

1. Get help from others—This was the most common way teens approach problems with cyberbullying.

  • Talk to people who care about you: accept their support to “erase the things the bully said.” When you start to surround yourself with people who care about you, you realize how many strengths you actually have. A therapist, teacher, principal, or school counselor could help mediate the situation.

2. Communicate directly

  • Confront the person causing the stress. Tell that person how you feel about what they said or did. You may come to understand the motivations behind the other person’s behavior. Talking with people directly is a challenging prospect—keep in mind that it takes practice. Here are some tips to help you build skills in healthy confrontation. Remember—it’s not your fault to be a target of nasty contact.

3. Cut ties—This was the most common way teens approach digital problems that arise in close relationships.

  • Stop responding.
  • Delete negative comments.
  • Make new friends.
  • Go offline.
  • Remember—the digital world is only one part of your life, and you have the right to take time out if online interactions are upsetting you.

4. Ignore the situation

  • Turn your attention away from the interaction and stop caring what other people think of you.
  • Focus on positive posts.
  • Interact only with those who would lift you up and encourage you.

5. Use online recourse

  • Report the person causing the stress.
  • Block the person.
  • Stay off the platform.

To read more in depth about these strategies, check out the original article here.

These are just a few suggestions from other teens, but we bet that you’ve found other ways to cope with digital stress. When you feel anxiety caused by social media, what are some ways you handle this stress? Share your strategies below!

Why Not Ask For Help?

December 19, 2017 in Educate Yourself

people

Have you ever wanted to talk to a therapist or psychologist about difficult feelings, but hesitated? If you’ve ever felt this way, you are not alone. The reasons for this hesitation are often rooted in people’s backgrounds, and culture can be one of those influences. 

What is culture?

Culture is a confusing word, and can have a lot of different meanings. One understanding of culture is that it’s the common ideas, traditions, and behaviors of a certain group of people.

Let’s look at one example of cultural influences over asking for help: Asian Americans and mental health treatment.

Asian Americans are often seen as highly educated, wealthy, and super successful. No problems, right?

But in the past year, more than 2.2 million Asian Americans struggled with a mental illness. That’s almost 12 percent of all Asian Americans. And as few as 6% of them got professional help. So compared to people from other cultures, Asian Americans are much less likely to reach out for help.

It’s possible that their cultures influence many Asians to avoid asking for treatment. Some underlying reasons:

Language: some Asian Americans do not feel comfortable talking with a therapist in English. If they cannot find a qualified therapist who speaks their own language, they may stop going to therapy.

Availability of resources: not all Asian Americans have the opportunity to access mental health care and services. As many as 15% of Asian Americans don’t have health insurance to cover treatment. Others might not know about free or reduced-price services that may be available in their area.

“Model-minority pressure”: When there are problems, Asian Americans are more likely to restrict their help-seeking to their families and friends. Why is talking with mental health professionals a taboo in many Asian American families? San Francisco psychiatrist Ravi Chandra pointed out that part of the reason might be because many Asian Americans feel “model-minority” pressure. Model minority is a term used to describe that stereotype of Asians being super-successful and not in need of help. This kind of pressure makes Asians feel like they shouldn’t let anyone outside their families see their problems. They feel they must live up to society’s stereotypical idea that they are free from struggle and pain. 

Family influence: In Asian American cultures, the family is more important than the individual. When a person asks for mental health treatment, it can look like she is privileging herself above the family, which presents the risk of casting shame and stigma on their relatives.

Though cultural influences can be strong, each individual has their own unique experiences. Asian Americans in general are less likely to ask for professional help, but some might still reach out.

Asian Americans are just one culture among many in our society. If you are having mental health problems and find it difficult to ask for help, try to ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. Here are a few reasons:

  • Family expectations
  • Cultural expectations
  • Lack of knowledge about how to look for a helping professional
  • Being afraid of what to say to the therapist once you’re in the office
  • A previous bad experience with a counselor

One way to break the silence is to talk with a trusted adult to gain perspective. It could be a parent, or it could be an aunt/uncle, family friend, teacher, or church or congregational leader.

And if you have succeeded in finding help for yourself, you can pass that support along to others who may be suffering in silence. Some tips:

  • Know that emotional difficulties affect everyone differently, no matter where they’re from or how they’re raised.
  • Understand that your friend’s family and ethnicity may be affecting their willingness to reach out for help. Be sensitive and open when talking about mental health issues with your peers.
  • Encourage them to talk with a trusted adult to connect them to people that can help them.

It’s worth trying to work through these challenges, because professional help can make folks feel better!

If you have hesitated to ask for help and have moved past these feelings, how did you do it?  If you’re still hesitating, what might be the reasons that are keeping you from getting professional help? Sharing your own experiences can help others overcome these barriers!

 

 

Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 2

December 13, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Steel Smiling

Recently we interviewed Julius Boatwright, and we featured the first part of his interview yesterday on the blog. Here is Part Two of our sit down.

On the main page of your website you cite a statistic that the African American rate for serious mental illness in Allegheny County is higher than the national rate. Has your work helped elucidate why this is the case?

I had a little bit of an understanding of that prior to my work. Pittsburgh is so segregated; there’s a lot of talk about equity and inclusivity, but it doesn’t always work that way. It sounds really good on paper, but what is equity? One thing that I have been trying to be very intentional about is keeping in mind that as our conversations grow and more people get involved, this doesn’t mean that we are more “equitable.” I still go out and talk to people the way that we started two years ago. To me, even though I am only one man, I envision having an army of people like me. We’d share a similar approach to sharing conversations, collecting stories, and collectively rewriting the narrative. To your question, that is the only way to keep everyone’s voice heard. I go to so many meetings and community conversations. There are very few people who are actually on the ground, in the trenches, knocking on people’s doors. This is truly meeting people where they are at. So, I am trying to be intentional about asking people what their story is and going from there. We can really make a difference in the black community using this grassroots approach. It’s not  always about policies and delivering care packages; it’s about letting people know that they are valuable and that their story deserves to be heard.

108e79_abd3dde389254a49b46fb8c62ec4ea21_mv2[See Steel Smiling’s website: https://www.steelsmilingpgh.org/]

[See Julius’ Instagram, where he features stories from street therapy and community conversations.]

You’re letting them know they are not just part of the statistic. Dr. Radovic, the founder of SOVA, has experienced generational differences in attitudes regarding mental health treatment in her clinic, and she was anxious to see if you had similar experiences. Do young people tend to be more open—or more resistant—to discussing mental health, in your experience?

In our community conversations, we are trying to have an intergenerational experience, where we equally value the areas impacting our youth and our elders.  We want to counter the “you don’t understand me” mentality because everybody’s challenged with something. We are breaking down generational barriers and creating a shared language. Even high level professionals have problems too. I was speaking with a CEO at my last community conversation about their self-hidden struggles with anxiety, and with another CEO about their depression. All of our stories matter, and everyone deals with mental health challenges in some fashion.

You and your team at Steel Smiling have accomplished many goals and broken down barriers in just two years—not even! What accomplishment are you most proud of?

We’re proud that the community is embracing it! Now, the community is involved and we are bringing everyone together and creating a shift in the mental health culture. In some ways, we are making mental health “cool,” as silly as it sounds. Now Steel Smiling is a community, and there is unity in our communities.

steelsmiling

What do you envision for Steel Smiling in the future?

I envision a shared culture of community and growth. How can we collaborate with individuals from all communities, whether they be in college or the workforce, to empower them to be mental health advocates? We want to create an army to provide support in our community. Our short-term goal is to continue hosting our community conversations and keep meeting people one-on-one through our street therapy program.

If you were the head of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, what would you implement to help combat the problems you’ve encountered as a social worker?

I would say everything has to involve people on the ground. When lawmakers and politicians meet to discuss policies, the audience must include community members too.

So, what do you do if someone is not ready to discuss mental health yet?

I try to be mindful and encourage informal therapeutic support. I’ve had people ask me “Who sent you?!”— because not everyone is ready. I try to let them know that it is a safe space and in the end, they make the decision to open up or not.

If you had an opportunity to speak to the world about mental health, what would you tell them?

I would say that it doesn’t discriminate and shouldn’t be stigmatized. Mental health isn’t a bad thing because we’re all impacted by it. If you asked anyone how their life has been changed by mental health, they would have an answer. We need to think about mental health on the same level as physical health, because everyone has something. Ultimately, we need to be more proactive in our approach to care.

If you were in my seat and could ask yourself one question in this interview what would it be?

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

julius

And what would be your answer?

I’m so committed to work, and I don’t know if that’s the right word to use. I feel like the clock is always ticking and I’m always thinking there is something I could be doing for the community. I don’t understand it when people say they are bored, because there is always so much to do. I’m learning that I cannot do all of this work without taking care of myself. Recently, I’ve been focused on getting in touch with my five senses. I’m practicing mindfulness and getting better at telling myself to take a break. I’m also focused on contentment and understanding “what will be, will be.” I’m embracing that and being happy.

Do you have anything else you want to tell our readers?

If you feel like you need support, know that it’s okay and there are people out there available for you. Also, it’s normal to hesitate to take this first step. Be okay with taking this initial step, because it will probably be the best decision of your life.

Check out Steel Smiling and the amazing work Julius and his colleagues are doing! Do you have any additional questions for Julius? What are you thoughts about the work he’s doing? Julius and the SOVA Project would love to hear from you!

Community Spotlight: Julius Boatwright, Part 1

December 12, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Meet Julius Boatwright, Executive Director of the Will Allen Foundation and the dedicated social worker who founded the community-based social-service agency Steel Smiling. Julius has made great strides in the community by adopting a humanistic approach to help people discuss mental health openly and reduce the stigma surrounding this topic. This humanistic approach involves viewing people as whole human beings instead of breaking them down into their individual parts. Julius emphasizes the notion that everyone is valuable and worth listening to and he practices this idea in his work. Steel Smiling began serving community members in Pittsburgh’s Hill District and has grown to include people from all walks of life in the city. They’re bridging the gap between community members, mental health professionals, and leaders. While doing so, they’re intentionally breaking down barriers to show that mental health doesn’t discriminate; it affects every one of us.                                    

We interviewed Julius to learn more about his influence on Pittsburgh.


How did your work as a community based therapist influence your mission at Steel Smiling? 

As a community-based therapist, I saw a lot of disconnect between when a community member needed support and when they actually received it. For many of my interventions, I was sent in either at or after a crisis had occurred: when a child was about to be removed from the home, when someone was having suicidal ideation, or when there was intimate-partner violence occurring. At the root of it all was mental and behavioral health challenges. Most days, it all seemed very reactionary to me. We would come in with our tool-belt of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques and resources. Over the course of one month we’d have three stages: the first being engagement, the second introducing and teaching skills, and the last week was connecting the family to resources. After that, we’d move on to the next family after the 28 days were over.

julius2

Would you check back in with them? 

We could if they needed our support moving forward, but the idea was that we were there to serve as firefighters. We would go in, put the fire out, ensure safety, and share with them a couple of skills and resources before closing the intervention. However, at the 28-day point, that was when they were open and ready to really trust you. As soon as we were able to make progress together, I was called to serve with the next family. This method of treatment is internationally utilized and proven, but I believe that we need to consider more preventative methods of delivering services. We need to do what we can to prevent the problems from happening instead of focusing on putting bandages on the wounds.

So you felt it was too late by the time you came in?

Yes. I would reconnect with some of my clients months and years later to see areas where they had improved and others where they were still struggling. It made me think about how I personally could be more preventative with my outreach. So, one day I left a session and drove out into the Hill District. I told myself the first person I see I’m going to talk with them about mental health. I was so nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. I ended up having a two-hour conversation with a woman that made me realize there was a space to have this conversation. So, to your question, being a community-based therapist made me realize how our system is falling short. While it is adding value, there are certain gaps and holes. I saw that gap and I tried to fill it.

[Click here to learn more about Julius’ visit to the Hill District and how Steel Smiling was born.]

You mention later in your TEDxPittsburgh Talk that someone came up to you and said that you were their angel; it seems like the woman in the Hill district was your angel because that’s how this all got started. 

Yes, for sure she was.

In your TEDxPittsburgh Talk, you also discuss going into communities of individuals who do not have satisfactory access to mental health resources, such as the African-American community. Can you tell me more about your work with this community?

It started with conversations and it organically grew into these community conversations. We got a lot of feedback in the beginning that we should strictly stick to the African-American community, but other people wanted services too, because mental health doesn’t discriminate—it doesn’t care what you look like or what you sound like. Our marketing has targeted people of color, but a lot of our outreach and engagement has been 50/50. With that being said, we are not exclusively for the black community. At our core, we want to destigmatize mental health and educate people of color while making it known that everyone is a part of the community. Mental health impacts everyone. It’s not just a black or white thing; it’s a people thing. Nonetheless, we are very intentional about sharing messages and images about people of color who are open to talking about mental health.

[Here is what a community conversation looks like:]
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In your TEDxPittsburgh Talk you also mention reaching out to people in the Hill District who have overcome mental illness. What are some of the strategies that people use to deal with mental illness in this community, and what worked? 

What we found is that people have a lot of coping skills to begin with before interacting with us. We do self-care. We recognize our triggers. We think about how our thoughts and actions are affecting our feelings and we don’t think of this as therapy. So, they would tell me what they did to cope, and at the foundation was spirituality and faith in the black community. They lean on this understanding that everything will be okay and your trauma doesn’t define you unless you let it. You can use trauma as leverage to be stronger. You get the most character development in the moments that you feel will break you. I think tapping into this resilience and being your own advocate can help, as opposed to feeling trapped by your environment or background.

“You get the most character development in the moments you feel will break you.”

[Learn more about resilience and emotional first-aid here.]

So some people took every challenge and thought about how it made them stronger?

Yes. I’ve been doing research on person-centered psychotherapy. A clinician I worked with asked me once what my therapeutic approach was, and I said I don’t really have a style.  She told me I had a person-centered approach. What I gathered about this it is that there is no judgement; no matter what anyone shares with you, it’s okay.

It sounds very humanistic. 

Yes. It’s about valuing everything you say. If you told me, “I’m thinking about killing someone,” I’d think: What is this person trying to say? There is something in you that is making you feel this way, and whatever it is, there is never any judgement; just true empathy and unconditional positive regard. I have had people say one thing that has changed the trajectory of my life. So I want to be as positive, supportive, and vulnerable as I can be.

Click here to read Part Two of our interview with Julius Boatwright! Do you have any questions for Julius?  Let us know in the comments below!

Happiness Set Point

December 11, 2017 in Be Positive

jumpThere is an idea in psychology that we all have something called a happiness set point. A happiness set point is a term used to describe our general level of happiness, and it is unique to each of us. We all have different set points, and it is possible that some people, who seem to be happier than others, have naturally higher happiness set points.

Where does our happiness set point come from? 

Your happiness set point partly comes from your genes. It also comes from our upbringing and personality traits that we develop when we are young and stay with us throughout our lives.

Does our set point change?   

Yes, but only temporarily. In general, our happiness set point has the ability to increase around positive (such as winning the lottery) and negative (you do not perform well on an exam) events. However, eventually our happiness will return to our natural set point (with the exception of a few life events). In fact, research has shown that “lottery winners and those who have undergone extreme hardship due to a health crisis or accident, within a year or so to return to the level of happiness they had prior to their life change.” Basically if something good happens, your sense of happiness rises; if something bad happens; it falls. However, eventually it all returns back to baseline.

Can I do anything about my happiness set point?

Yes! There is a way to choose to become a happier person. Huffington Post put out nine suggestions for taking control over your own happiness:

  1. Simply try.
  2. Make happiness your number-one goal.
  3. Linger on those little, positive moments.
  4. Choose mindfulness.
  5. Smile your way to happiness.
  6. Practice gratitude.
  7. Pursue happiness, find happiness – and success.
  8. Let yourself be happy.
  9. Practice compassion.

However, these are just suggestions. There are lots of other ways things you can try to raise the set point of your happiness.

What are other ways you might be able to raise your happiness set point? Try these out for a while and let us know if you notice any results!

How Our Genes Are Not Set In Stone

December 8, 2017 in LINKS

One of the most interesting areas of mental health research is “epigenetics”—the study of changes in organisms caused by modification of gene expression rather than changing the genetic code itself. In plain language, that means that we can inherit a predisposition to conditions like depression and anxiety—but there are also things we can do to change how our genes make themselves felt in our daily lives.

As Rachel Yehuda, Ph.D., says:

We’re just starting to understand that just because you’re born with a certain set of genes, you’re not in a biologic prison as a result of those genes.

Changes can be made in our behaviors that then change the way the genes function. Our genes are not set in stone.

Yehuda_photo.14131706Yehuda is professor of psychiatry and neuroscience at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. She talks about epigenetics and the kinds of changes we can make to our genetic expression in this episode of a super-helpful podcast called “On Being.”

Sometimes those changes, for example, have to do with diet—like if you inherit a predisposition toward cancer, you don’t inherit actual tumors, but you inherit a greater possibility that if you eat a diet high in animal fat and low in healthy carbohydrates, you may increase your chances of your genes turning on the “switch” for cancer.

And sometimes those changes have to do with behaviors.

If you inherit the predisposition toward depression, and you respond to stress by locking yourself in your room, refusing to talk to anyone, and comparing yourself to peers on social media, then you may run the risk of turning on those switches that can lead your genes “express” the tendency toward depression.

But it works the other way, too! The more you learn to respond to stress with behaviors such as visiting a therapist, engaging in yoga or meditation, or talking with a friend, the more you can increase your chances of turning that switch off—or keeping it turned off.

Yehuda says that her research is showing that “some epigenetic changes occur in response to psychotherapy.”

If we’re saying that environmental circumstances can create one kind of change, a different environmental circumstance creates another kind of change. That’s very empowering.

Check out On Being on Facebook and Twitter for positive messages throughout your day!

Have you ever worried that your genes would “lock you in a prison”? Have you actually seen your coping strategies reduce your symptoms of anxiety and depression? What practices empower you? Tell us!

I think I can I think I can I think I can…

December 4, 2017 in Be Positive

i think icanPhoto credit: SortOfNatural via: Flickr

Positive self-talk can be an effective tool in boosting your mood.  You can also reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk.  Learn more about the power of positive self-talk and stress management.  Start being kind and gentle to yourself by trying one of these mantras:

  • I am capable.
  • I know who I am and I am enough.
  • I choose to be present in all that I do.
  • I choose to think thoughts that serve me well.
  • I choose to reach for a better feeling.
  • I share my happiness with those around me.
  • My body is my vehicle in life; I choose to fill it with goodness.
  • I feel energetic and alive.
  • My life is unfolding beautifully.
  • I am confident.
  • I always observe before reacting.
  • I know with time and effort I can achieve.
  • I love challenges and what I learn from overcoming them.
  • Each step is taking me to where I want to be.

Do you practice positive self-talk? If so, how?  Do you ever recognize yourself thinking negative self-talk?  Did any of those mantras help?

Digital Self Harm

November 30, 2017 in Social Media Guide

Trigger Warning: Self Harm 

Earlier this week we wrote about traditional forms of self-injury behaviors that occur such as burning and cutting. These traditional behaviors usually leave a visible mark on a person’s body. However, as technology advances and more teenagers engage in online activities, a new form of self-harm behavior has emerged: digital self-harm.

social media

Digital self-harm can take on many forms similarly to traditional self-harm. It can include sending yourself hurtful messages, and posting or disclosing demeaning information about yourself online. These posts can also lead to other people writing negative comments/message about you online. A new study found that 6% of the teenagers aged 12-17 in the US engaged in digital self-harm.

Why are teens participating in digital self-harm? According to danah boyd, Ph.D. (she does not capitalize her name!), a Harvard-affiliated researcher who first saw that teens were engaging in digital self-harm, these behaviors serve different purposes for different individuals. It can validate teenagers’ insecurities. It allows them to vocalize their frustrations and disappointments about themselves that they hold inside. Some teenagers also hope that their vicious digital attacks against themselves might trigger their family and friends to support them publicly. When people stand up for them, they can feel hope and support from those people.

What should you do if you are feeling an urge to engage in digital self-harm? We have a few suggestions:

  • Go back to our blog about traditional self-harm. Digital and traditional self-harm share a lot of similarities. The reasons behind partaking in digital self-harm often overlap with the reasons behind traditional self-harm.
  • Dig a little deeper about why you might want to engage in these behaviors and see if you can substitute them for other activities which might be able to serve the same purpose for you.
  • Remember the power of community and support. You should never have to go through this alone! Talk with an adult you trust about how you feel, and ask for his/her feedback and support.

If you notice that someone else might be engaging in self-harm behaviors, danah boyd pointed out that consistent love and support is always the answer. Instead of trying to “fix the problems”, we should take on the role as a listener, a friend, and a supporter. Healthy and consistent, but not overwhelming, involvement in teenagers’ lives is the key to helping them reduce self-harm behaviors. Victims often attempt to injure themselves with the hope of regaining control of their lives, so we certainly want them to feel in control as we interact with them.

Have you heard of digital self-harm? Do you know of anyone who might be participating in this behavior? Why do you think teenagers might engage in it and what are some things we can do as family members and friends to help? If you feel comfortable, please share on the comment section down below.

Self Injury

November 28, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Trigger Warning: Self Harm 

This is a personal story of recovery that was shared with a SOVA team member.

Have you ever seen a classmate or friend walking around wearing a long-sleeve shirt even on a hot summer day? Have you seen a student at your school who always seems hesitant to join swimming or gym class? Well, I have. One of my friends in middle school frequently displayed these behaviors at school, and she did not tell me the reason until years later.

When we met each other again last year, she confided in me on what was going on with her during those adolescent years. She was self-harming, and the marks on her arms made her feel ashamed.  She was scared to tell anyone what was happening because she was too worried and afraid that people might not understand.

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending.  One day, she suddenly realized she could use other healthier and effective coping mechanisms to soothe her when she was feeling overwhelmed, anxious and stressed. She confided in me that she only made it because of the genuine support and care she felt from the trusting adults in her life, as well as her love for rock-n-roll music.

Self injury

She found relief in music. By listening to all the inspirational verses being sung by those artists, she realized she was not alone. She felt she could connect to these artists and their music, and somehow they understood what she was experiencing. When she became upset about something, she sang the verses herself.  Afterwards, she felt uplifted and empowered again to embrace tomorrow. Eventually, feeling encouraged from her favorite band’s story, she decided to tell her most trusting teacher about what was going on. Her teacher was always there and supported her throughout her adolescence and up until now. Together they walked in her journey away from participating in self-harming behaviors.

Her later discovery points to an important issue in self-harm. Self- harm is not a mental illness, but rather a sign.  But what are the causes behind it?  Is self-harm a way to feel more control, to manage anger and stress, to feel alive or is it something else altogether? It is important to understand why someone is self-harming because different treatments are recommended depending on this information. Effective treatment can help reduce and substitute self-harming behaviors with healthier coping mechanisms.

My friend is doing well now. She received a bachelor degree in Business Administration and is starting her own company. She stopped self-harming years ago, and now when she is stressed, angry or sad, she listens to music or finds a local concert to attend. She has found her own self-soothing harbor and music is her magic healing. She also told me that reaching out for help from her teacher was a big step for her. She felt so much better knowing she wasn’t alone and that at least one person was there for her who knew what was going on.

That’s why it is important to remember that if you are experiencing something similar to what my friend once did, you are never alone. Reach out to an adult who you trust (e.g., a parent, school counselor, teacher, or health professional). Hopefully this person can help you directly or can get you the help you need to understand your self-harming behavior and learn new coping skills. If you know someone who self-harms continue to support them (peer support matters!), and encourage them to seek professional help when they are ready.

Here are some alternative activities for when you feel like self-harming:

  • If self-harm is a way to deal with anger, try running, dancing fast, singing, punching a pillow, cutting papers…
  • If self-harm is a way to feel something, try holding onto ice, eating something spicy or sour, or snapping a rubber band on your wrist…
  • If self-harm is a way to calm yourself, try taking a bubble bath, coloring, journaling, smelling perfume or flowers…

These activities were kindly shared by Sr. Madeleine Rybicki and have been adapted.  For more self-harming resources, visit:

  1. Coping with self-injury
  2. Resources to help you better understand self-injury
  3. SAFE Alternatives
  4. Self-Injury Foundation

My friend found her own creative self-soothing techniques, which includes singing out loud (sometime even screaming) along with her favorite musicians. Have you found the “magic” that makes you feel better when you’re feeling a lot emotionally? If you feel comfortable, please share in the comment section below. Also, click here to read an article we previously published about self-harm.

Simple Steps for Facing Holiday Blues

November 24, 2017 in LINKS

As the holiday season approaches, it’s good to be aware that the blues can overtake us. Many times, families have expectations that drive stress: either that things should be perfect; or that things will probably be super-hard, and we won’t know how to respond.

The first step is to recognize the difficulty. Look for these feelings:

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Watch for “HALT”: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Any of these signs can exacerbate the blues.

  • Hungry: Make sure you’re eating and drinking in moderation. When we’re feeling down, alcohol actually makes it worse, because it’s a depressant—so choose water or apple cider with dinner.
  • Angry: Take care of anger by listening consciously. Here is a TED Talk about how conscious listening can help in our relationships.
  • Lonely: Listening also takes care of loneliness. Talking openly can be very helpful.
  • Tired: Get enough sleep—not too little, not too much. Sometimes oversleeping can make the blues worse, and getting out of bed on the early side can help.

Get out paints, paper, and markers! The creative process actually releases chemicals in the brain that counter depression.

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Finally, it’s important to be aware of and to adjust expectations. Holiday times trigger unrealistic expectations that everyone will automatically get along and that there will magically be no conflict. When conflict happens, our bubbles burst and we can become fearful or resentful.

This is why taking quiet time for ourselves at holiday gatherings is so important. A five-minute breather in an empty bedroom, or checking in with SOVA on your phone with our new app, can help reset our minds and remember that we can’t control anyone else’s behavior but our own.

What are some ways you have found to help yourself cope with holiday stress? Sharing our experience not only helps others, it also helps ourselves—so let us know your ideas in the comments!

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