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Digital Self Harm

November 30, 2017 in Social Media Guide

Trigger Warning: Self Harm 

Earlier this week we wrote about traditional forms of self-injury behaviors that occur such as burning and cutting. These traditional behaviors usually leave a visible mark on a person’s body. However, as technology advances and more teenagers engage in online activities, a new form of self-harm behavior has emerged: digital self-harm.

social media

Digital self-harm can take on many forms similarly to traditional self-harm. It can include sending yourself hurtful messages, and posting or disclosing demeaning information about yourself online. These posts can also lead to other people writing negative comments/message about you online. A new study found that 6% of the teenagers aged 12-17 in the US engaged in digital self-harm.

Why are teens participating in digital self-harm? According to danah boyd, Ph.D. (she does not capitalize her name!), a Harvard-affiliated researcher who first saw that teens were engaging in digital self-harm, these behaviors serve different purposes for different individuals. It can validate teenagers’ insecurities. It allows them to vocalize their frustrations and disappointments about themselves that they hold inside. Some teenagers also hope that their vicious digital attacks against themselves might trigger their family and friends to support them publicly. When people stand up for them, they can feel hope and support from those people.

What should you do if you are feeling an urge to engage in digital self-harm? We have a few suggestions:

  • Go back to our blog about traditional self-harm. Digital and traditional self-harm share a lot of similarities. The reasons behind partaking in digital self-harm often overlap with the reasons behind traditional self-harm.
  • Dig a little deeper about why you might want to engage in these behaviors and see if you can substitute them for other activities which might be able to serve the same purpose for you.
  • Remember the power of community and support. You should never have to go through this alone! Talk with an adult you trust about how you feel, and ask for his/her feedback and support.

If you notice that someone else might be engaging in self-harm behaviors, danah boyd pointed out that consistent love and support is always the answer. Instead of trying to “fix the problems”, we should take on the role as a listener, a friend, and a supporter. Healthy and consistent, but not overwhelming, involvement in teenagers’ lives is the key to helping them reduce self-harm behaviors. Victims often attempt to injure themselves with the hope of regaining control of their lives, so we certainly want them to feel in control as we interact with them.

Have you heard of digital self-harm? Do you know of anyone who might be participating in this behavior? Why do you think teenagers might engage in it and what are some things we can do as family members and friends to help? If you feel comfortable, please share on the comment section down below.

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Self Injury

November 28, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Trigger Warning: Self Harm 

This is a personal story of recovery that was shared with a SOVA team member.

Have you ever seen a classmate or friend walking around wearing a long-sleeve shirt even on a hot summer day? Have you seen a student at your school who always seems hesitant to join swimming or gym class? Well, I have. One of my friends in middle school frequently displayed these behaviors at school, and she did not tell me the reason until years later.

When we met each other again last year, she confided in me on what was going on with her during those adolescent years. She was self-harming, and the marks on her arms made her feel ashamed.  She was scared to tell anyone what was happening because she was too worried and afraid that people might not understand.

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending.  One day, she suddenly realized she could use other healthier and effective coping mechanisms to soothe her when she was feeling overwhelmed, anxious and stressed. She confided in me that she only made it because of the genuine support and care she felt from the trusting adults in her life, as well as her love for rock-n-roll music.

Self injury

She found relief in music. By listening to all the inspirational verses being sung by those artists, she realized she was not alone. She felt she could connect to these artists and their music, and somehow they understood what she was experiencing. When she became upset about something, she sang the verses herself.  Afterwards, she felt uplifted and empowered again to embrace tomorrow. Eventually, feeling encouraged from her favorite band’s story, she decided to tell her most trusting teacher about what was going on. Her teacher was always there and supported her throughout her adolescence and up until now. Together they walked in her journey away from participating in self-harming behaviors.

Her later discovery points to an important issue in self-harm. Self- harm is not a mental illness, but rather a sign.  But what are the causes behind it?  Is self-harm a way to feel more control, to manage anger and stress, to feel alive or is it something else altogether? It is important to understand why someone is self-harming because different treatments are recommended depending on this information. Effective treatment can help reduce and substitute self-harming behaviors with healthier coping mechanisms.

My friend is doing well now. She received a bachelor degree in Business Administration and is starting her own company. She stopped self-harming years ago, and now when she is stressed, angry or sad, she listens to music or finds a local concert to attend. She has found her own self-soothing harbor and music is her magic healing. She also told me that reaching out for help from her teacher was a big step for her. She felt so much better knowing she wasn’t alone and that at least one person was there for her who knew what was going on.

That’s why it is important to remember that if you are experiencing something similar to what my friend once did, you are never alone. Reach out to an adult who you trust (e.g., a parent, school counselor, teacher, or health professional). Hopefully this person can help you directly or can get you the help you need to understand your self-harming behavior and learn new coping skills. If you know someone who self-harms continue to support them (peer support matters!), and encourage them to seek professional help when they are ready.

Here are some alternative activities for when you feel like self-harming:

  • If self-harm is a way to deal with anger, try running, dancing fast, singing, punching a pillow, cutting papers…
  • If self-harm is a way to feel something, try holding onto ice, eating something spicy or sour, or snapping a rubber band on your wrist…
  • If self-harm is a way to calm yourself, try taking a bubble bath, coloring, journaling, smelling perfume or flowers…

These activities were kindly shared by Sr. Madeleine Rybicki and have been adapted.  For more self-harming resources, visit:

  1. Coping with self-injury
  2. Resources to help you better understand self-injury
  3. SAFE Alternatives
  4. Self-Injury Foundation

My friend found her own creative self-soothing techniques, which includes singing out loud (sometime even screaming) along with her favorite musicians. Have you found the “magic” that makes you feel better when you’re feeling a lot emotionally? If you feel comfortable, please share in the comment section below. Also, click here to read an article we previously published about self-harm.

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Simple Steps for Facing Holiday Blues

November 24, 2017 in LINKS

As the holiday season approaches, it’s good to be aware that the blues can overtake us. Many times, families have expectations that drive stress: either that things should be perfect; or that things will probably be super-hard, and we won’t know how to respond.

The first step is to recognize the difficulty. Look for these feelings:

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Watch for “HALT”: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Any of these signs can exacerbate the blues.

  • Hungry: Make sure you’re eating and drinking in moderation. When we’re feeling down, alcohol actually makes it worse, because it’s a depressant—so choose water or apple cider with dinner.
  • Angry: Take care of anger by listening consciously. Here is a TED Talk about how conscious listening can help in our relationships.
  • Lonely: Listening also takes care of loneliness. Talking openly can be very helpful.
  • Tired: Get enough sleep—not too little, not too much. Sometimes oversleeping can make the blues worse, and getting out of bed on the early side can help.

Get out paints, paper, and markers! The creative process actually releases chemicals in the brain that counter depression.

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Finally, it’s important to be aware of and to adjust expectations. Holiday times trigger unrealistic expectations that everyone will automatically get along and that there will magically be no conflict. When conflict happens, our bubbles burst and we can become fearful or resentful.

This is why taking quiet time for ourselves at holiday gatherings is so important. A five-minute breather in an empty bedroom, or checking in with SOVA on your phone with our new app, can help reset our minds and remember that we can’t control anyone else’s behavior but our own.

What are some ways you have found to help yourself cope with holiday stress? Sharing our experience not only helps others, it also helps ourselves—so let us know your ideas in the comments!

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Thankful

November 23, 2017 in Be Positive

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Happy Thursday to all our readers! We hope you have the opportunity today to sit down with your loved ones. This time is a wonderful chance to consider the things you are grateful for and to celebrate the harvest season, because we can truly find joy in gratitude.

If you’d like to hear more about practicing gratitude from Brené Brown, click here.

The team here at SOVA is thankful for you and we are grateful to have you as part of our online community!

What are you thankful for this holiday? Please feel free to share with us below!

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Resilience: A Skill that Can Be Learned, Part 2

November 22, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Yesterday, on the blog we talked about how you can strengthen your resilience, which can be a tool in our emotional first aid kit. Here are some more ways that you can strengthen this skill! Remember, you can also use these skills to help others improve their resiliency.

Resiliency

  1. Set Goals: This skill involves learning how to set achievable goals, assessing your plan to reach the goal, and carrying out the steps to meet the goal. Following through with goals you set for yourself is not always easy, but it can be extremely rewarding when you commit yourself to a task and carry through with it. When you are setting goals for yourself, consider where you are when you start and set checkpoints for yourself as you go along to make sure you are on track to finish.
  2. “Hunt the Good Stuff”: Have you ever heard of counting your blessings? This idea is similar: students in the program learn to identify three of life’s good things daily and to consider why these things happened and what they can do to prolong life’s “good stuff.” If a friend is having a bad day, help them hunt the good stuff in their life as well! After all, they have you as a friend.
  3. Manage Energy: This skill involves practicing breathing techniques and gaining control of your thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions. If you have a loved one is going through a hard time, help them manage their energy by doing breathing exercises with them.
  4. Avoid thinking traps and put life into perspective: thinking traps are something we have all experienced—it’s when you are already feel down and suddenly you get stuck in a spot you can’t get out of. When this happens, we might start “catastrophizing,” and it’s always good to take a step back, realize this is normal, and examine the evidence. Maybe you’re thinking your best friend isn’t answering your text because they have a new best friend! Well, what if they aren’t answering because they broke their phone, or they just found out they won unlimited Chipotle! Realistically, these things could be the case, but before we have more information we need to avoid the thinking trap of jumping to conclusions. We need to put it in perspective before acting.

Check out this app to help you stop, breathe, and think.

  1. Detect Icebergs: this goes together with avoiding thinking traps. This skill helps you determine what is causing you to feel those very strong emotions. We all have things we are passionate about, and talking through them can help us manage our emotional responses.
  2. Solve Problems: An effective way to approach problems is to break them down, so you can ascertain what part of the situation you may have overlooked. Then you can figure out what is the true root of the problem. A lot of times we can look right past what is causing a problem, and it can help to get an external opinion about it by talking to a trusted advisor. Parents, teachers, doctors, and therapists are great resources for this.
  3. Identify character strengths in self and others: This skill is about focusing on your own strengths and working toward your best self, as well as strengthening your relationships with others. Find the strengths you value most and work toward strengthening those traits, then you can rely on these strengths if you encounter a challenge.

What do you think about these ways to strengthen resilience? How can you use these tools in your own life? Tell us your thoughts below!

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Resilience: A Skill that Can Be Learned, Part 1

November 21, 2017 in Educate Yourself

(written by one of our SOVA students)

Resilience (or toughness) is a tool you can use to bounce back from stressful situations and to respond to life’s challenges. The United States Army Reserve developed a Resilience Training Program based on research about how to improve resilience. Designed at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center, the program is called Master Resilience Training Skills. Army service members are required to dedicate 24 hours to studying this curriculum, which can benefit anyone. ResilencyCheck out this video about building up your resilience for shame.

I recently had an experience in which I could use some of the skills they teach in resiliency training. A few weeks ago, I failed a big Physics exam. I was so upset and I started to catastrophize (or believing something is far worse than it actually is) and become concerned I wouldn’t do well in the course at all! I stopped to take a moment to look at all the evidence:

  • it was one exam
  • there were more opportunities to do well in the class, and
  • I could still go back and learn the material I did not understand!

I avoided the thinking traps I was letting myself fall into earlier and put the situation into perspective. I practiced problem solving by going back and learning the material, going to my teacher for additional help outside of class, and studying very hard for the next exam. I set a goal for myself that I was going to do better on the next test. On the next exam, I got a 100%!

Now I’m glad I didn’t do quite as well on the first test because it gave me the opportunity to strengthen my resilience. I think I’ll feel more prepared when I encounter another challenge. Resilience is not just something you are born with – we can learn and practice it and it can help us manage depression and anxiety.

If you want to learn more about the skills they teach in the Master Resilience Training program, check out tomorrow’s post where we will expand on resiliency as a skill! In the meantime, do you have any of your own examples of resiliency, like the exam?

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Continuing the Conversation: Can we always talk openly?

November 16, 2017 in Educate Yourself

One of the largest problems facing mental health is how we talk about it.  Therefore, when we received the following question from the Reel Teens Pittsburgh Facebook Live Town Hall event we thought it would make for a great blog post.

Can we always talk openly about this?IMG_6937[1]

This is an important question, and one that others have also tried to address. TED.com wrote an article back in 2013 about how should we talk about mental health. In the article, TED.com asked several mental health experts about how we should go about discussing mental health, and these were their answers:

  1. End the stigma
  2. Avoid connections between criminality and mental illness
  3. But do connect more between mental illness and suicide
  4. Avoids words like “crazy” or “psycho”
  5. If you feel comfortable talking about your own experience with mental health, by all means, do so
  6. Don’t define a person by his/her mental illnesses
  7. Separate the person from the problem
  8. Sometimes the problem isn’t that we’re using the wrong words, but that we’re not talking at all
  9. Recognize the amazing contributions of people with mental health differences
  10. Humor helps, when appropriate and used with skill and sensitivity

Number 5 on the list is extremely important. While it is essential to openly discuss mental health, we must be aware of the cues from others.  For example, we might be comfortable talking about mental health or sharing our own experience, but that does not mean everybody is ready. Also, even if we mean well, it is important to not put pressure on others to tell you anything they’re not ready to talk about. Talking can take a lot of trust and courage. You might be the first person they have been able to talk to about this. If someone doesn’t want to talk about mental health, try not to take it personally. It can be difficult, but it is important to keep trying. Other tips for openly talking about mental health include:

  • Be respectful, compassionate and empathetic
  • Be an active, attentive listener (e.g., make eye contact)
  • Give others the opportunity to talk
  • Be aware of a person becoming upset or confused by the conversation
  • Ask appropriate questions
  • Speak in a relaxed and calm tone

Things to avoid doing:

  • Criticizing, blaming or raising your voice
  • Talking too much
  • Being sarcastic
  • Assuming things
  • Showing hostility
  • Acting superior

One of the keys in reducing the stigma attached to mental illness is education, which often starts with communication.  Communication helps reduce the negative ideas and beliefs surrounding mental illness and those who suffer from it. Therefore, it is extremely important, and encouraged, for us to continue talking openly about mental health conditions. However, words do matter and we have to do our best to avoid stigmatizing statements by following the tips above. Remember, you do not have to be an expert to talk or listen to someone about mental health.

Do you have any of your own tips or suggestions for openly talking about mental health? Do you agree this is a conversation we should be having? Please let us know below if you have any questions or thoughts about the subject of today’s post! 

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Continuing the Conversation: How will we know?

November 15, 2017 in Educate Yourself

The following question was submitted during last week’s Reel Teens Pittsburgh Facebook Live Town Hall event:

“How do we know it when we see it or feel it and what do we do?”

This is an important question because often people feel they should wait to seek treatment until they can’t handle things on their own anymore.

But how will I know when I should seek help? 

Photo Credit: yoohamoronx Flickr via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: yoohamoronx Flickr via Compfight cc

First, it’s always okay to seek help – even if you’re not sure if you are experiencing a specific mental health problem. Almost everyone can benefit from receiving professional help at some point in their lives. However, it might be time to reach out to someone when you are having trouble managing, you’re overwhelmed or when your thoughts and feelings are limiting your daily functioning. There are a wide range of signs, but if you are feeling any or a combination of the following things, it might be time to talk to someone.

  • Feeling intensely sad, angry or otherwise “not yourself.” Sometimes the signs are obvious but at other times, something may feel slightly off and you can’t figure out what it is.
  • Substance abuse such as alcohol, drugs or food
  • You’ve lost someone or something important to you
  • Something traumatic happened, and you cannot seem to stop thinking about it
  • You have unexplained and recurrent headaches, stomach aches or a rundown immune system (stress can affect you physically)
  • You’re getting negative feedback at school or from work
  • You feel disconnected from previously enjoyed activities
  • Your relationships are strained
  • Your friends and family have told you they’re concerned

One or two of these symptoms alone cannot predict a mental illness. However, if you are experiencing any of them, it can be useful to talk to someone. For more information about when to get help, visit Mental Health America.

How do I know when others might need help?

Mental Health America lists some of the different signs between adolescents and young adults and older adults for when it might be time to seek mental health treatment. The list can help you recognize signs for yourself, but also for others. MentalHealth.gov put together a similar list for when someone might be showing signs of a mental health problem. Early warning signs include:

  • Eating or sleeping too much or too little
  • Pulling away from friends and family, as well as usual activities
  • Substance abuse
  • Yelling or fighting with friends and family
  • Problems in relationships
  • Having difficulty completing daily tasks (like getting to school or work)

What should I do if I want to seek treatment?

Learning about early warning signs and acting can help. After realizing that you might want help, the best and often the hardest place to start is by sharing your symptoms and what you’re feeling with someone you trust. Most people who seek help end up feeling better. To find out more, read ‘Continuing the Conversation: Who to go to first?‘

What should I do if I think someone else might need treatment?

MentalHealth.gov reminds us that anyone can experience mental health problems. However, there is support. It is important to familiarize yourself with the early warning signs. Then if you believe someone is experiencing a problem, try talking to them directly and encouraging them to seek help. You can offer support by:

  • Find out if the individual is currently receiving care
  • Help connect them to someone who can help them (like their primary care physician or mental health professional)
  • Educate them about available help and that mental health problems are treatable
  • Ask questions and actively listen
  • Reassure them that you care and they are not alone
  • Help them manage daily tasks and responsibilities

For more ways to support a friend or family member who is showing signs of a mental illness, visit Talk About Mental Health. There are also tips about how to start the conversation with someone about their mental health such as:

I’ve been worried about you. Can we talk about what you’re experiencing? If not, who are you comfortable talking to?

or

It seems like you’re going through a difficult time. How can I help you find help?

Remember, some individuals might not accept the help you offer and you cannot force them to reach out for help. If this happens, try to be patient and inform them how to seek help when they’re ready. Also, be sure to look after yourself and make sure you don’t become unwell!

If you feel it is an emergency, visit our Crisis Support Resources page.

How did you know when it was time to seek treatment or to talk to someone? What did you do? Have you ever noticed someone else might need help? Again, please leave a comment below if you have any questions or thoughts about the subject of today’s post!

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Continuing the Conversation: Who to go to first?

November 14, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Today’s question from last week’s Reel Teens Pittsburgh Facebook Live Town Hall event is about who to go to for help about your mental health when you are feeling like you may want to speak to someone.  More specifically, the question asks about who to go to for help first. IMG_6922[1]

Seeking help for a mental health problem (or any problem) is a really important first step towards feeling better and staying well. Mental health conditions are real, common and treatable. However, it does not always seem like that, especially because of the stigma attached to mental health. Therefore, while many people live with symptoms and mental health conditions, often it can be hard to know how to start or who and where to turn.

Who to turn to can depend on many factors, but in general, there are often many people in an individual’s life who can offer help. These people include:

  • Teachers
  • School counselors (or university counseling services)
  • Parents
  • Other adult family members like an aunt or uncle
  • Faith leaders
  • Coaches
  • People from local mental health groups
  • Primary care physicians

These people can either directly provide you with the support and help you need, or they can refer you to outside resources or someone else who can better help you. If the first person you tell cannot help you, tell another person you trust. Help is out there and you deserve it.

As mentioned above, a primary care physician (also known as your PCP) is a good person to talk to about your mental health. Some reasons to talk to your PCP are:

  • Easier access to care (quicker appointments, more convenient)
  • Familiar with your medical history
  • Reduce or ease the stigma surrounding mental health symptoms and conditions
  • Easy access to many resources (such as a psychologist or social work in their office or screening tools)
  • Help organize and arrange your care
  • Monitor progress

Watch the following video about how to talk to your PCP about your mental health.

To find out more about seeking help for a mental health problem, visit Mental Health America or read our previously published blog post about finding the right healthcare professional. Also, check out our other two Q+A posts about seeking a mental health counseling appointment and stigma.

Remember, if you haven’t done so yet, please register for our site so you can log-in and comment. Registering is essential in helping us keep the site safe and free from bullying.

Who did you first turn to when you wanted help? What was your experience or do you have any recommendations? If you have any other questions or comments about the subject of today’s blog post or a different question, let us know! We’d love to hear from you!

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Continuing the Conversation: What is Stigma?

November 13, 2017 in Educate Yourself

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Last Thursday on the blog we featured the Reel Teens Pittsburgh Facebook Live Town Hall event. Then on Friday, in an effort to continue the conversation, we answered an audience member’s question about seeking a mental health counseling appointment. Now today, and for the rest of the week, we will continue to help answer questions that were submitted during the event. If you haven’t already done so, please make sure you register for our site so you can log-in and comment (also to be able to read comments made by others, you will need to register). Registering is essential in helping us keep the site safe and free from bullying.

The next question is:

“What is stigma?”

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (or NAMI) refers to stigma as “when someone, or even yourself, views a person in a negative way because they have a mental health condition.” In other words, stigma is when an individual sees another person in a disapproving way because they have a certain characteristic or personality trait that is thought to be a disadvantage.  Simply put stigma is a negative stereotype.

To help understand it better, imagine you broke your leg and society blames you. Others stare at you accusingly when you’re out in public and whisper about you behind your back. Imagine feeling scared to seek proper care because you’re worried that your partner will break up with you or you’ll lose your job if anyone finds out. People with mental health conditions deal with this type of stigma daily.

Stigma can lead to discrimination (or unfair treatment) because people often avoid individuals with mental illness. For example, obvious (or direct) discrimination can happen when someone does not rent an apartment or hire a person who has a mental health condition. However, discrimination does not always have to be obvious. Indirect discrimination occurs when someone appears to treat everyone the same, but actually does not. For example, if an individual does not sit next to a person in class because they assume the person’s mental illness makes them violent or unstable.

Many people living with mental illness do not feel comfortable talking with others about their conditions or seeking help because of stigma. Often mental health conditions are considered irresponsible or self-inflicted. However, mental illness is common and many are treatable, yet people frequently delay getting support and care because of stigma.  Unfortunately, without appropriate treatment, symptoms and conditions can worsen.

Stigma doesn’t only come from others. Individuals struggling with mental health conditions may mistakenly believe that their condition is a sign of weakness or that they should be able to control it without help.  Read our blog post about self-stigma to learn more.

Stigma is not easy.  It is complex and can be difficult to understand. It also makes coping with a mental health condition more difficult. However, the best way to fight stigma is to talk about it, interact with people experiencing mental health problems, and educate yourself, as well as others.  For other steps in dealing with stigma, visit NAMI’s StigmaFree campaign.

For other articles on stigma, read Time to Change, Alternatives to the Language We Use or search our website.

Learn more about the millions of Americans affected by mental health conditions every year by visiting Mental Health by the Numbers:

  • 1 in 5 adults in the US experience a mental illness in a given year (or 43.8 million)
  • 1 in 5 youth aged 13–18 experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life

Did this help you better understand stigma? Have you ever experienced stigma directly or seen someone be stigmatized? If you have any other questions or comments about the subject of today’s blog post or another topic, please let us know! We’d love to hear from you!

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