SOVA Blog

by openmind

Acknowledging Feelings

August 26, 2022 in Educate Yourself

It is natural in life to have highs and lows. As I have gotten older I have realized the importance of acknowledgement and acceptance. I can feel however I feel in the moment, but it is important to take a second to acknowledge the feelings (whatever they may be) and think about them. The questions I tend to start with are:

  • What am I feeling?
  • How long have I felt this way?
  • When did this start?
  • Do I know why I feel this way?

Sometimes these questions are really easy for me to answer, but other times it is difficult. Many use the method of journaling or tracking these responses on paper, but I usually take some time to mentally reflect. Noticing the reoccurring trends of my highs and lows can help me to prepare. It is reassuring for me to be able to understand why I feel a certain way. If I have an answer, I can better understand what I am feeling and move on. It is important to know yourself and listen to your body and mind so you can grow.

If I know a low is coming up, I can prepare time alone to recharge or do an activity that will make me feel good. This works for the highs too. If I can anticipate a high, I can motivate myself by looking forward to something positive ahead. When I can’t anticipate these feelings, it is nice knowing I can reflect on them and possibly learn something about myself or others and grow. Acknowledging and accepting certain feelings helps me to stay grounded and move through situations more informed and productively.

 

I would love to know how others reflect on their emotions and learn to better understand themselves. Feel free to comment below on how you reflect on your emotions!

Tags: , , 4 Comments »

by openmind

You don’t have to like everyone who likes you

July 5, 2022 in Be Positive

There’s a girl who I originally tried to befriend, but the more we hung out the more I realized I didn’t want to be friends with her. I slowly stopped talking to her and repeatedly turned her down when she wanted to hang out. I found that when I hung out with this person I just didn’t want to be there, I would act fake. I was putting too much energy into trying to look like I was having fun when I just didn’t enjoy being around this person. The reason I stayed friends with this person so long was because I was flattered that they kept asking me to hang out and I really wanted to like this person, but the connection just wasn’t there.

I recently got too anxious to go out shopping by myself and sent a message in a group chat asking if anyone wanted to go last minute with me. This girl (who I am slowly unfriending) responded and joined me.

After the outing, the girl started messaging me again to hang out and I kept declining. I felt bad. I felt like I had somehow led this girl on and that I was going to hurt her feelings for declining all of her offers. I spoke to my therapist about this and what she said surprised me. She said that it was okay. She told me that if this girl was hurt it was her business and not mine.

What? Her business and not mine? I was at first taken aback. Then as I thought about it, I realized that she was right. I wasn’t doing anything mean, I was just simply distancing myself from this person. I didn’t need to make the other person feel better and I should not feel so guilty for turning down her offers to hang out. Friendships end and that’s okay. It seems obvious to me now, but I was so concerned about the other persons feelings when in this case, it really wasn’t my business.

Have you ever felt like you were prioritizing other’s feelings above your own? How did you navigate this? Have you ever experienced a friendship naturally run its course? If so, how did you process it?

Tags: , 6 Comments »

by openmind

Preparing just in case

June 15, 2022 in Educate Yourself

I am an over preparer. When I get anxious, I need to make sure I have everything at my disposal to be comfortable and try to lower the nerves. An example would be that I usually carry a pouch with things that will prepare me for specific encounters that could make me nervous. If I have a few things on me as “just in case” items, it makes me less anxious and tells my brain to just go out and focus on having fun, because if something happens, I have my “just in case” items to help me.

Sometimes at work I have to deal with social encounters that have the potential to make me anxious. I have learned that I can enter the encounter more comfortably if I feel like I have prepared a way to smoothly escape the situation without people realizing that I am anxious. For example, when I enter a meeting, I will make sure my water bottle is only about 30 percent full. If I’m anxious I can excuse myself to get more water. It is so small and simple, yet it helps me to more confidently enter a situation that makes me anxious. I have not yet needed to leave and get more water, but it gives me a lot of comfort knowing that I can.

This also translates to my social anxiety. When going to work-related events where people are expected to socialize or gather, I often get anxious if none of my friends are attending and it is only older members with higher rankings than myself. I find it helpful to beforehand prepare some “just in case” topics of conversation. A lot of the time I am not expecting to get to know these people or connect but preparing some light social topics will ease my anxiety greatly if I just come up with a few bullet points before hand. My go to is always first establish the common ground. For instance, why are we here?  Introduce myself, tell others why I am here and think about what I can say about the situation to start a conversation. I always try to remember to start with the here and now and move on from there. It gives me a starting point and it usually grows from there.

If anyone else has examples like this, I would love to hear and learn other methods for easing anxiety.

What are your methods for easing anxiety? Are there ways you prepare before entering a potentially anxiety-inducing situation?

Tags: , , 7 Comments »

by openmind

Fight, Flight, Fawn, and Freeze

May 24, 2022 in Educate Yourself

Most people know the phrase “fight or flight response”. I never knew there were other reactions tied to how people handle situations. Two others that I have recently come to understand are fawn and freeze. There are four different reactions studied by psychologists in response to threat.

Recognition and realization are very important tools to me. When in a threatening situation I often cannot think clearly, my body just reacts and tries to fix the situation. Until I started talking about certain stressful or threatening events from my life with a professional, I realized that in each situation I might act differently depending on threat level, my age, and how clearly I can think in the moment. People are not usually tied to just one of the four responses but can use any number of them as their body tries to get them out of a stressful situation.

This is how I understand each response:

Fight: Acting aggressively, verbally, or physically

Flight: Physically removing yourself from the situation causing distress

Fawn: Comforting or being kind to try to avoid conflict

Freeze: Not being able to move or speak during situation

 

Understanding these reactions more clearly when I’m not in a stressful situation can help me to better prepare myself and understand my actions. This is what I believe to be one of the first steps to being able to make decisions and thinking more clearly during a stressful situation. If I am able to recognize what I am doing, then I can possibly change my actions or continue and get out of the stressful situation.

These different tools will be chosen, possibly subconsciously, depending on the situation, but talking about them will help me process the stressful situation and how I coped.

I would love to hear if other’s have also heard about these responses or if they are new to you! 

Have you heard about these responses before? What are your thoughts?

Tags: , , , 1 Comment »

by openmind

Slow down and smell the roses

April 11, 2022 in Be Positive

Three years ago I would have laughed at the idea that aromatherapy could help me. I thought it was a scam, a waste of money, and that it would only work if you believed it would (the placebo effect). And maybe it is, but I am now grateful for aromatherapy. I still know little about it scientifically, but what is important to me is that after a long day, when I get home, sometimes it is difficult to relax. It can be difficult to leave the stress of school and/or work especially in today’s world where work is so intermixed in some people’s homes. With working full or even part time remotely, it can be challenging to know when to quit or learn how to separate work and life.

Something that has really helped me is filling my home with relaxing scents (candles, soaps, etc.). When I feel particularly stressed, slowing myself down and taking time to appreciate the scent of something that I enjoy really helps to ease my mind.


I know little of the science or possibly lack thereof behind aromatherapy, but what I do know is that it allows me to focus. It is probably tied into breathing and how focusing on your breath can help you to calm down your body. If I can get myself into the mindset of taking a minute to “smell the roses”, or a candle, then I can think about the scent, what notes I pick up on, and I slowly start to feel better. I’m sure this idea can be applied to many different areas, interests, or items that one might be interested in. For me, this learning to slow down and focus came about from enjoying candles.


This is also a fairly inexpensive hobby that gives me joy. When a candle runs out, I go to the clearance section of a retail store, smell the candles, and pick out a new one. It gives me something to look forward to.

Have you ever tried aromatherapy? What helps you slow down and calm yourself? Comment below!

Tags: , , , 2 Comments »

by openmind

Recognizing Shame

March 18, 2022 in LINKS

Shame, shame, shame. This term seems to be thrown around a lot in conversation about mental health. It is something that I remember hearing Brené Brown define as an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

Shame is a feeling that holds people back from a lot of things. I am now in a period of my life where I am learning to ask myself questions and try to figure out my emotions and why I do something or feel some way. I always make sure to ask myself if shame is involved, because a lot of the time it is but I do not recognize it until I ask. 

Dr. Brown also says that shame needs secrecy, silence, and judgment to grow. Knowing this, one of my first steps to dissecting emotion is to take away it’s silence. This does not mean I will go and tell everyone about it, but it does mean that I will bring it to the light in my mind and not let it sit silent in my head. Moving on from acknowledging it can be difficult, and sometimes not even as important as the recognition and understanding.

I am still trying to learn and grow, but I recommend to anyone who has not seen or heard it to go find Brené Brown’s famous TED Talk on shame. It opens up a very important conversation that I believe can help everyone.

Have you noticed that shame is a frequent part of your negative thoughts and emotions? What steps can you take to relieve yourself of shame?

Tags: , , , 4 Comments »

by openmind

Small goals

February 1, 2022 in Educate Yourself

“Make small obtainable goals!” is what we hear most of our lives growing up in school from teachers. I’ve never really thought about this until this point in my life where I am trying to grow and make changes in my life to be happier and live a calmer life. An example I’ve heard in therapy is that if someone wants to start going to the gym in the new year, they usually make a goal to go 3 times a week. If they currently go to the gym 0 times a week, 3 times is usually way too many to start out with. In a lot of cases, it is better to start out with 1 day a week as your goal. This is more attainable and if you achieve it, your brain will be happy. When we divert too far from routine, our brain gets scared and can sometimes just not accomplish the goal at all.

Going along with the example, I used to be the goal setter that would try for 3 days a week. I’d attain it for a few months and then it would just disappear from my life. As I’ve gotten older I have learned that I need to start with 1 day a week and slowly build up. It’s okay sometimes for goals to fall through as we grow and change, but for the goals that I want to be long lasting, starting slower than I think is always a good option because I can slowly build it up as I see fit.

Do you ever set goals that are too large to complete? Could setting smaller goals and building up to your ideal be beneficial to you? What are some of your small goals? Comment below!

Tags: , 3 Comments »

by openmind

New Years Cleaning

January 11, 2022 in Educate Yourself

Material things bring me joy. Having too many things however is a source of anxiety. Every time there is a holiday where gift giving is involved, I try to ask for items that can be “used up” and thrown away such as nice skin care, food items, or different things that I would like to try but wouldn’t normally purchase for myself. This way I can accumulate less items, because once they are empty, I can throw the container away. One of the reasons I do this is because I have a very difficult time donating and throwing things away. This can range from clothing to random objects or house décor.

Not having an easy time getting rid of material goods and hating clutter around my house are two attributes that do not mix well. Over time and with speaking to others I have learned that I build up a lot of anxiety before getting rid of possessions, much like how I can build up anxiety before an exam or when having to travel. As someone who has a more clear, and happier mind in a less busy, cluttered area, this is something I am trying to overcome. I would love to hear if anyone else struggles with getting rid of stuff and any ways you have found to make it easier on yourself.

My current method is to fill a bin with stuff I think I can part with. This way the bin can sit in my house for a few weeks and if I miss anything greatly in the bin, I will keep it a little longer. If I don’t remember what items are in the bin, or I don’t reach for them, I have an easier (but still a bit painful) time getting rid of the items in the bin. I am hoping this method will make it easier as time goes by to not get so anxious about parting with possessions. This is something I don’t want to have to be anxious about, so I’m hoping to ease the stress.

Do you consider yourself a minimalist or someone who likes to own a lot of items? What is your relationship like with the physical items you have in your life? Do you feel overwhelmed or at peace with the possessions around you?

Tags: , , , Comments Off on New Years Cleaning

by openmind

Change and Growth

December 14, 2021 in Be Positive, Educate Yourself

I have struggled with wanting to try to change the people I care about most. I pick up on this attribute when I am difficult on my siblings and family members. Wanting them to try harder, be better, make smarter choices, has always been cycling through my mind. It is difficult to see the people close to you hurt, stuck, or upset. Sometimes I feel like I know what steps they need to take to keep moving forward, but when they do not attempt what I suggest, or simply do nothing at all, I get upset. My mindset is that one must always keep moving forward because the world does not stop for one singular person. I understand that this is not how everyone’s brain works. People will not be able to think how I think or do what I do simply because I know it will help. Sometimes others need more time before they realize they can start to change or how to turn things around.

Over the years, I have learned that for myself, I need to acknowledge when I have these feelings, explore them, and decide how much emotion and energy I am able to put towards each “issue” family members face. I have learned how to better communicate with different people in my life. Each person usually needs a different type of reassurance or help to get them to keep moving. Although I still do not know how to help each of the people in my life fully, I try to remind myself not to get too upset of frustrated.

I have learned how to better manage my mental health when helping others and it has made a big difference. It is important to check in with yourself and not just those around you. It is definitely not something I have mastered, but I move a small step further with every encounter. Make sure you are taking time to acknowledge your feelings and notice patterns.

Have you ever struggled communicating with those you care about regarding their well-being? How has this impacted your own well-being? What can you do in these instances to take care of yourself?

Tags: , , 1 Comment »

by openmind

Experience in Therapy

November 16, 2021 in Educate Yourself

I have never been the “type” to go to therapy. I like to deal with my problems on my own and keep things to myself. Starting a big new chapter in my life and dealing with existential dread and shifts in my long term relationship were what finally gave me a push to really consider going to therapy. I am lucky that this new chapter in my life provides me with a good health insurance plan, so I am financially able to go to therapy.

What actually got me on the phone trying to find a therapist was finances and the ability to hold therapy sessions remotely. I have been attending sessions for a time now and I am still not comfortable going. I don’t believe therapy should or is supposed to be comfortable. To make change and grow, one needs to get uncomfortable and be okaying digging into some of the feelings that we normally shy away from talking about.  It is okay if you are not there or ready when you first sign up. With time and growth in other, less stressful areas, you will one day be ready to open up about some of the harder hitting ideas you struggle with.

For people who struggle with talking about their feelings and difficult topics about their life with others, like I do, I urge you to try remote telehealth therapy sessions. It gives me comfort, though I’m never completely comfortable during sessions, to bring up some topics I never would if I were in person talking with someone. I don’t have to be nervous or stress about what my body is doing.

Some things I would worry about if I was in person:

  • Is my body sweating?
  • Am I shaking?
  • How am I sitting and how do I look?
  • Is my face red?
  • Is my stomach growling or upset?
  • Can other people tell?

These things are always running through my mind when I get nervous or am in an uncomfortable situation. Therapy is uncomfortable for me, but because it is remote, through a camera in my laptop, I do not have to worry about these things. I can focus on what I want to say and in pushing myself emotionally. I do not have to worry about the physical aspect of anything that normally takes up a lot of space in my brain and wastes time and energy. For anyone who is struggling right now and is able, reach out and try therapy. It has never been more accessible for those who can afford to go.

Do you attend therapy? Have you tried, or are you currently doing therapy virtually? What has stopped you from starting therapy? What would help you be able to start?

For those who have health insurance and are unsure how to afford therapy, check out a similar article here!

Tags: , , , 5 Comments »