I remember the countdown to getting out of school… One month left urned into a few weeks, which turned into a few days. Everyone was excited to go on summer break to their camps or extended vacations, but I was going to be at home. Alone with my parents. Although I was happy not to be in school, I was unhappy about being lonely at home with my parents 24/7. School was secretly my happy place, where I could escape and take classes with my friends. However, I was losing that for three months.

After much trial and error and many summers spent bored. I found 5 ways to enjoy my time at home even with my parents, that you could use too.

Five indoor activities: I found five activities that I could do at home if the weather was bad or my parents won’t let me leave. One day, I’d read an entire book in one sitting, and another day, I would try to listen to the whole author’s discography. Reading, Listening to Music, Crocheting, Puzzles, Singing, Cooking, Chess, Writing. With my school chromebook, the world was my oyster even from the comfort of my room.

Four outdoor activities: I also found four outdoor activities that I could do around my neighborhood. Most days it ended up being a walk to my local park, but other times it was a bike ride to the nearest restaurant for a water cup or a window shopping at the store. It was more often than not I would see someone I know and struck up a conversation with them about their summer.

Three safe people: Think of three safe people you could hang out with during the summer. I had some people that I knew would want to spend time with me. They were friends, siblings or even coworkers who took my mind off a lonely day. Invite your people to go for ice cream one day, or plan a fun movie night – you’ll make summer memories you’ll never forget.

Two summer events: I planned to attend two big events during the summer. They gave me something to look forward during a rough week and a reason to leave the house. Pittsburgh offers numerous free or affordable summer events for the public. Days like Juneteenth, the Fourth of July, or events like Picklesburgh and Movies in the Park are all free to the public. Take advantage of the city and its public transportion and find two events to look forward to this summer. The opportunities are endless.

One day at a time: Take things one day at a time! Some days will feel like they flew by, while others will feel like they dragged on. Before you know it, you’ll be back in school, spending time with your friends and enjoying the crisp, cool weather of fall.

But until then, try connecting with a new hobby, spending the days outdoor with a friend or enjoying a movie in the park with a family member. School will be back before you know it.

You’ve done the hardest part. You’ve identified that you need help. But how do you even begin to ask for help or get your needs met? 

1. Be overwhelmed: It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay not to feel 100%. Like this article says, “you just did the hardest part,” so there is no expectation to feel okay in any capacity. Take this time to laugh, cry, and feel all the emotions. You acknowledged, and that is the most critical step. 
2. Identify a safe person: Mental health is a beast that should not be dealt with alone. Find one safe person that you would be able to (1) be honest with, (2) see frequently, and (3) share some of your concerns with. This person may be a coach, mentor, teacher, parent, sibling 18 years or older, boss, or another trusted adult. 
3. Ask questions: What could you benefit from? Are you looking for a professional to talk to? Are you looking to get on medication? Are you looking to get into a support group? If you don’t know right away, that’s okay. These are all questions to think about as you move into the next step.
4. Do research: What resources are available to you? Does your school have a psychologist or a social worker? Does your school have a dedicated program for students with mental health issues? Many communities offer free or low-cost mental health services to their residents. Use Google, your school, and community for help getting access to things. 
5. Reach Out: If you don’t think you’re able to say that you need help right away, you don’t have to. Initiate the conversation by using phrases like “I’m struggling”, “I think I want to see a therapist,” or “I’m dealing with (blank).” Saying ‘I need help’ is a vulnerable statement, and it’s not the only way to ask for help. Even without that phrase, your trusted adult should be able to understand the message and provide support from there.
   1. *Remember, even after you reach out to a trusted adult, continue to ask questions like “Is this treatment fitting my needs?” and “Do I need to research again?” to make sure you are adequately treating your symptoms. If not, reevaluate from step 1 and try again 

You did it! You were able to identify that you had a mental health issue and reach out. We’re proud of you for taking the necessary steps for your mental health. We wish you all luck on this journey! 

Studies show when people have a bad experience with therapy it can make them have a bad attitude about therapy in general. Sometimes I tell my patients that therapy could help them, and they tell me, “nah, not for me.” It totally makes sense, though, if they had a bad experience before. One time, I had a bad experience at a fast food restaurant which shall remain nameless, and I do NOT want to go back there!

What are some reasons you or others have had negative experiences with therapy?

Here are a few examples you may relate to:

The first time you went, it wasn’t your decision.

Going to therapy can help with a lot of different problems you may have – but if you were made to go or it felt like it was a punishment versus a decision you made to become more healthy, you might have a negative attitude about it. My mom used to make me pick weeds in our driveway, and I kind of have a bad attitude about gardening! Even though a lot of people enjoy it.

The therapist and you did not seem to connect.

We know a big reason therapy works is the therapeutic alliance, which we wrote about in a prior post. If you feel like you didn’t connect with your first therapist—or especially if you didn’t feel like they cared about you, that might have been a tough experience for you. Telling someone your deepest thoughts makes you vulnerable and if it didn’t work the first time, maybe you don’t want to take that risk again.

Your parent was too involved.

Maybe you think therapy wasn’t helpful if your parent was always around. You couldn’t let yourself be honest with the therapist.

You felt betrayed.

If you received therapy as a child and the therapist was worried about abuse, that is something that they have to report to the state for your safety. But when you are a kid in the mix of it, sometimes you feel like your trust was betrayed. That can be hard to deal with.

The thing is – one bad experience does not mean the next one will be. And your experience as a young person or child may be different when you are older. There are things you can do to help make sure that your next therapy experience is a good one. We know therapy works and can get you to better mental health.

If you had a bad experience before, but want to try therapy again, try these ideas:

• make a list of the pros and cons about going to therapy—go over your list with someone you trust like a supportive adult or your primary care doctor and together, make a decision if this is a next best step for you
• at the first session, tell your therapist what your expectations and hopes are from therapy
• if you feel like you and your therapist don’t connect, ask for a referral to see someone else – therapists are used to this as everyone is different and sometimes certain personalities don’t click
• if your parent is involved, talk to them about what you expect out of therapy and how you’d like them to be involved. if they would like to be very involved, talk to your therapist about whether it would be a better idea to have a family therapist in addition to individual therapy
• at the first session, talk to your therapist about the limits of confidentiality—what do they always keep private and what if anything, are they not allowed to keep private

Do you have any other examples of negative experiences you have had? Or tips you have about making the next experience positive?

Repost, original by Dr. Rad ★ · May 18, 2016