SOVA Blog

by Moderator ★

Posting About the Hustle

February 20, 2020 in Social Media Guide

It is incredibly easy to be busy nowadays. If anything, it’s encouraged. Our culture has told us that we should take advantage of all of the 24 hours in the day so we can be our best selves and as successful as we can possibly be. The time in between classes and/or work should be filled with time working out or learning a new skill or networking. Being busy is a good thing, and constantly being on that grind should be the goal.

And because we can’t avoid it nowadays, social media takes this to another level. Social media gives us several platforms to talk about how busy we are. It can be chronicling everything we’re doing that day on our stories, posting about still working on an assignment with a 3:00 AM timestamp, or even just texting friends long paragraphs about how much we need to do.

Letting people know how busy we are isn’t a new thing though. You may have had face-to-face conversations where a friend goes off for minutes on end about the millions of things they have to do in response to a simple “how are you?” Talking and showcasing how much someone needs to do is known as “busy bragging,” and while very rarely intentional, comes with a lot of unintentional effects.

Most of the time, when we want to talk about how busy we are, it’s because we just need a reason to let out everything we’re going through and getting it out in the open. However, there is some satisfaction and validation people may feel whenever they talk about how overwhelmed and busy they are and want to keep seeking that out. In turn, being on the receiving end of the busy bragging can make the listener feel like they’re not doing enough and need to be on the same level as the busy person.

Social media can heighten these feelings of incompetence, competition, and just generally bad feelings about yourself for not doing enough. While it can help by posting and commiserating in misery with others who are doing the same assignments and studying for the same tests, social media can also increase our desire for that validation when people respond or even just see how busy we are. By seeing posts about peers and friends getting ahead on assignments and activities – even if you’re not taking the same classes or in the same field – you may feel ashamed that you’re not doing the same amount of work, or that you need to work harder, or your lifestyle isn’t worth sharing about because it’s not as “productive.”

It’s totally fine to post that pile of books and papers drowning your desk and computer during finals week. It’s also okay to post progress pictures about things you’re passionate about or proud of, like being at the gym or that thesis that you’re so close to finishing. At the same time though, constantly posting about being busy can ironically make you less productive since it’s taking time away from what you need to do and can not only overwhelm you by trying to come up with the perfect way to talk about how busy you are, but can also overwhelm followers and friends you follow you who are possibly going through the same thing.

At the end of the day, balance is key whenever posting about anything. It’s also important to remember that you don’t need to force yourself to be busy all the time, and being productive and hustling also includes time for yourself and taking breaks where you need to. These breaks can include social media, where you hopefully don’t have to see a stream of posts about that paper you’re taking a break from and can relax with cute animals instead.

Have you ever posted about how busy you are online? Do you usually post when you’re busy? Do you see posting about being busy as a form of stress relief, or as something else?

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by Moderator ★

Rewriting Nightmares

February 19, 2020 in Educate Yourself

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Nightmares are never fun. They can feel like horror movies come to life, often times created specifically for you and the things that terrify and worry you the most. We all experience nightmares, but between 2-8% of adults are affected by them to the point that their sleeping patterns are drastically disrupted. Children between the ages of 3-6 are more likely to be affected by nightmares and have trouble getting rest as well, which can be especially damaging considering that they need between 10-13 hours of sleep.

These effects are also concerning when tied in with other statistics about mental health. Those coping with a mental illness are likely to have trouble sleeping, and there is research showing that the less sleep an adolescent gets, the likelier they are to have suicide ideation and/or use substances. Insomnia symptoms and sleep can be affected for a number of reasons, including anxiety buildup, depression naps that throw off the sleep cycle, and of course, nightmares.

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It can be difficult functioning for those having trouble sleeping and those who are prone to being shaken up by the nightmares they experience. However, addressing your nightmares can not help you understand the state of your mental health, but confronting and rewriting them may potentially help you feel better. This is known as imagery rescripting therapy and imagery exposure therapy. Through these methods of rewriting nightmares to a more satisfying ending and exposing people to the nightmares that worry them (think of it as “confronting one’s fears”), people may experience nightmares less frequently and less intensely and it can help them with their stress.

Trying to get a good night’s rest can be difficult. Not only can activities, school, and other sorts of events get in the way, but worrying about said events, mental illness, and nightmares – whether they’re created by these situations or not – can also have a large impact. Taking control of all of these can be hard and even downright impossible, but trying something like tackling nightmares you’ve experienced and changing the narrative may be a place to start.

Do you experience nightmares? Do you remember them, and if so, what effect did they have on you? Have you ever tried rewriting situations that worry you into something that’s more positive? Would you consider trying it?

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by Moderator ★

An App to Consider: Medisafe

February 14, 2020 in LINKS

It can be hard to stick to a schedule. Things change and happen everyday and can throw everything off. It can be even harder to remember to stick to a schedule if you’re feeling overwhelmed, unwell, or depressed, making you likely to forget the more minor things in your schedule.

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One of those more minor items in your schedule can be remembering to take medication, especially if you need to take them at a certain time in the day. Nearly half of Americans are taking at least one prescription drug, and 12.7% of people over 12 years old are on antidepressants, a number which has increased over the past 20 years. Researchers have also found that young people who take medication are most likely to take something for asthma, ADHD, and antibiotics. 

Medisafe
Medisafe

That’s where Medisafe comes in. Medisafe is an app created to help you maintain your medication adherence (a.k.a. making sure you stay committed to taking your medication on a consistent schedule). Not only does it have you enter all the medications you’re taking (and lets you choose what the medicine looks like), but you can enter how much of the medication you have so it can remind you when you’re running low, and it also has you add the time of day you should be taking it so it can send you a notification to remind you. The app has a wide database of medications, so it can also warn you if you shouldn’t be taking two medications together, lets you know what you shouldn’t be taking while on this medication (such as alcohol), and gives you notes like if you should be taking that medication with food.

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The app of course isn’t limited for those taking antidepressants, but it can be particularly useful if you’re on them during those moments when doing even the simplest task can seem impossible. If you’re experiencing a depressive episode, you may not have the energy to take your antidepressants, and can find that ignoring the notification from your app is really easy, but Medisafe also has the option to add family members or close ones so that they also receive a notification if you miss a dosage. This can be useful if you’re not feeling well, because these people can provide a support system in reminding you how important it is to take that medication.

If you’re taking medication for anything and find that organization and maintaining a schedule helps clear your mind and makes things easier for you, then Medisafe may be an app that you can incorporate into your daily routine.

Do you take medication? If so, do you find it difficult to remember to take it when you need to?

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by Moderator ★

Vanity on Social Media

February 13, 2020 in Social Media Guide

With Valentine’s Day around the corner (or quite literally, tomorrow), it’s very likely that you’re going to see a ton of posts of the romantic variety. They may be cute, they may be sappy, they may be cliche, and they might even be coming from you! But the idea that Valentine’s Day is limited to romantic love has changed, and you may also see (or post) about the relationships that you find love and happiness in, like friends, families, pets, even celebrity crushes.

Of course, love isn’t only expressed outwards, but internally as well. The practice of learning to love yourself is a long process, and it can be tricky trying to navigate it and practicing it without feeling like you’re coming across vain, narcissistic, and full of yourself. Having that worry that people would assume these arrogant, negative things about you can make you feel even more guilty for even just thinking something positive about yourself, and getting caught up in that cycle can heighten feelings of anxiety and depression.

It doesn’t help that younger generations have a stereotype of being self-absorbed, fueled in part by social media. We’ve talked about the impact of selfies specifically before, but having profiles on numerous platforms that are about you and where you can talk about yourself whenever you want can lead to wanting to share everything, and by extension, receive notifications from people that praise or validate you.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about yourself on your own accounts at all. Vanity and narcissism are extreme cases, and it isn’t bad to want a little bit of attention or to celebrate and be happy for yourself. It’s even better if you want to post these things without thinking of the social media stats associated with them – ultimately, social media is a time capsule where you can collect things that are important to you, regardless of how many people commented or shared your post. So if you want to post a selfie where you think you look good or share a meal that you’re proud that you cooked, you should, and you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty that you’re doing it too much. These are posts that you can look back on and remember as a time that you were happy, and you can take pride in these accomplishments.

And tomorrow is no exception. Regardless of who other people are posting about, loving yourself and finding qualities about yourself that you want to talk and brag about is just as valid.

How do you feel about people talking about themselves on social media? Do you think that social media is fueling narcissism? When do you share things about yourself online, if ever? How does it make you feel?

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by Moderator ★

Setting Emotional Boundaries

February 12, 2020 in Educate Yourself

Experiencing depression or anxiety, along with other mood disorders, often feels as if there’s a weight placed on you. It’s this overwhelming heavy feeling, as if you have a bag full of bricks strapped to your back. Oftentimes, this metaphorical bag is full of “what-if’s, but’s, and should’s.” The anxieties about the past and the future can fill up your bag and make it hard for you to climb out of a rut.

However, other things that tend to weigh us down aren’t just our own bricks. It is common to take on the emotions of your family or friends, especially if you are a highly empathetic person. This can happen, for example, if your friend has a bad day at work. They come to you to complain about work problems and just to vent, but then you begin to take on these emotions as well. You begin to feel the frustration or anger that they do, and it begins to add that weight to your bag.

Another common “brick” that we might take on from others is their depression or anxiety. If you are open about your own mental health struggles, people often feel comfortable and safe confiding in you what they are currently experiencing. While having a space to openly talking about mental health struggles can be helpful, this can also be extremely overwhelming, especially if you are also having a period of depression or increased anxiety.

In the moment, listening to someone else’s struggles and offering support may feel good. However, taking on other people’s emotions can be extremely unhealthy. Hearing how other people are struggling may leave a feeling that the world is unfair and unkind. Therefore, it is important to set healthy emotional boundaries.

Setting emotional boundaries can often be a daunting task. It’s hard to say “I don’t want to have this conversation right now” to someone you love out of the fear that they will become upset or hurt. However, if you are clear in the fact that you are only saying this because you are also experiencing increased anxiety or depression, it shows that you are still there for them but do not have the capacity to be as emotionally invested in their problems like you had been able to before. Just like in an airplane when they tell you to put on your own air mask before helping someone else with theirs, it is important to take care of yourself and work through your own problematic situations before taking on other’s worries and problems.

When you set strong emotional boundaries, you can give yourself the love and compassion that is often thinly spread out among friends, family members, and other loved ones that you are supporting. Showing yourself this love and compassion will set the tone for others to treat you in the same regard.

Have you ever had to talk to a loved one about setting up emotional boundaries? When do you feel that it’s best to take a step back for yourself?

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by Moderator ★

Playing Puzzles for Stress Relief

February 7, 2020 in LINKS

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We all have a tendency to turn to our phones when we’re bored. It could be when you’re waiting in the hallway or at your desk waiting for class to start, on public transportation, or just in bed killing time before sleeping. While this often tends to be us lingering on social media sites, there are tons of apps to explore, with some being more beneficial than others.

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Most research on brain games often focuses on its impact on memory and performing everyday tasks, especially for those who are older, aging, and at-risk for dementia. However, playing brain games when you’re younger doesn’t just have to be an extremely early intervention to keep your mind sharp. Aside from the satisfying feeling of feeling smart by playing puzzles, brain games with their organizational and problem-solving elements can actually be a way of relaxing and serving as a form of stress relief.

Sometimes puzzles can seem infuriating and even stressful – timed games can make you feel pressured and anxious and that you have to meet a deadline, for example – but if they’re lowkey, low-stakes, and something you can quit and pick up at any time, it can be a calming activity. It can even feel rewarding when you finish a game or get really far, which might positively affect your self-esteem.

If you think that puzzles can be a meditative, helpful activity for you to try, or you already play puzzles as a way of relaxing and want some new options, check out the options below! All of them are free and there are options for Apple products, Android products, and online on a web browser if available.

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Sudoku (Apple/Android/Web) The game may seem complicated at first, but it’s pretty straightforward. One giant box is divided into nine grids, and you have to fill each space within each grid with a number between 1-9. The puzzle-solving aspect comes in because you can only have one of each number per row and column. The apps linked are a color-coded version too to make it easier on the eyes and make it feel more organized.

Two Dots (Apple/Android) Two Dots may sound familiar if you’ve ever played Dots (after all, it’s the sequel). Simply connect the dots to create as long of lines and squares as possible to get points and achieve the goals for each level. The more you play, the levels don’t just get more complicated, but they get more exciting and have a more adventurous aspect to them that go beyond just connecting dots. The backgrounds are also artistic, yet calming.

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Threes! (Apple/Android) If you’re more logical and find numbers to be relaxing, this app might be the right fit for you. It’s similar to 2048 where you have to match up tiles that have the same number and add them up, continuing the pattern until you get as large of a number as possible. Threes! Makes it a little bit more difficult however, because you start out with 1s and 2s and can only add 1+2 together to make a new tile. Unfortunately, the free version only has limited number of plays (you can still get more if you watch ads, however).

Do you have any games on your phone? Are any of them brain games? Share your recommendations below!

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by Moderator ★

Being Left on Read

February 6, 2020 in Social Media Guide

Being left on read can make us feel invisible.
Being left on read can make us feel invisible.

We’ve all done it: we get a message from someone and whether we intend to or not, never respond. We’ve all had the opposite done to us too: we send a message to someone, and they just never respond.

Being left on read (or being ignored when sending a message to someone) isn’t exactly the best feeling. Tons of thoughts and questions can go through our head. Did I say the wrong thing? Should I have worded this better? Am I being annoying? Do they not want to talk to me? Do they even like me?

The way we feel and the questions we ask ourselves are justified and aren’t uncommon. After the moment passes, you may think you were being dramatic and might beat yourself up over it, but studies have shown that we take it really personally if we’re ignored online. If we don’t get any interaction, especially an immediate reaction, we think we’re being excluded, feel invisible, and seen as less important than others if we see that person interacting somewhere else online. Those who feel ignored or “shunned” online – or in this case, left on read – are more likely to experience lower self-esteem and self-control.

The debate about whether you have read receipts on or not can make this a little more complicated too.

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Having your read receipt messages turned on (whether it be on Facebook Messenger, iMessage, Instagram DMs, and so on) means you know the exact time someone had seen your text. That knowledge can mean that you can hold the person accountable for not responding to you, but it can also contribute to a spiral of thoughts as to why they aren’t responding to you because they definitely saw what you had to say.

Those who don’t have read receipts turned on don’t have a guaranteed answer as to whether or not someone saw their message. Even if there is no confirmation that the person who sent the message to saw it, that uncertainty can still make you begin to jump to conclusions.

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So regardless if you have read receipts on or off, your mind can start to spiral about what the other person is doing and thinking if they’re not responding to you (and this feeling can be taken to the next level if you have social anxiety, where you have the fear of people constantly judging you and that you’re definitely going to be rejected by everyone). Adolescents are at an age where they seek instant gratification and want things as soon as possible, and social media fuels that because people are always connected all the time.

That isn’t always true, however. While our brains may trick us into thinking of every possible situation where the person we’re talking to isn’t responding to us because they don’t like us, there’s also the chance that they’re simply not on their phones. They may be busy with something else, their battery may have run out, or they might have just forgotten. The other person may also be struggling with something – those dealing with a depressive episode, for example, may not have the energy to respond after reading.

Then there’s the unfortunate truth that you were left on read because the person didn’t want to respond. While this feeling sucks, it’s not the only possibility. We’re more likely to consider the negative options as to why we’re not getting a response, but it’s important to remember that these aren’t the only explanations.

Do you often forget to respond to people online or over text? What’s your opinion on having read receipts turned on? How do you feel when you don’t get a response from someone?

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by Moderator ★

A Good Stretch

January 31, 2020 in LINKS

Stretching your body is a good thing. It’s highly recommended, especially if you’re active. Even if you aren’t, there are still health benefits to even the slightest movements with the body, especially mentally. While stretching is often something that experts insist on doing before exercising to prevent injury, you can try adapting that for your own lifestyle, such as stretching in the morning to help wake up and improve your mood before starting the day.

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There are obviously a lot of ways to stretch and move your body, but if you want some guidance, we’ve included a couple of apps below that you can use as a reference or as a coach to instruct you:

While you can’t do so literally, you can also stretch your mind as well. Mental illness can affect memory, especially working memory, and depressive thoughts can disrupt your ability to remember information as you’re learning it. Although it’s not a cure, taking some time out of your day to stretch your mind and do a couple of rounds of brain games can help improve your overall memory, and because they involve solving a problem, may even be a good source for relaxing and stress relief.

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Just like the physical stretching, here are a few options for apps that have games that require a little bit of problem solving and thinking:

Do you incorporate either mental or physical stretching in your routine now? Have you ever tried playing brain games or anything like pilates or stretching to help relax? Let us know if you have any recommendations!

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by Moderator ★

When Should You Block Someone?

January 30, 2020 in Social Media Guide

We all want to have the best experience that we can on social media. Even if it seems that there’s a lot going at once online, from the 24/7 news cycle to the millions of accounts that we can encounter, we still have the ability to control our experience. We can choose who we want to follow, what topics and tags to track, and can go private so we can limit who we want to engage with.

Blocking doesn’t just give you the ability to completely hide someone’s account and their content from yours, but it prevents that person from ever having access to viewing and interacting with your account too. Everyone has their different reasons for wanting to block someone, but essentially, it’s a last-resort, final move to let someone else know that they do not have the right to be a presence in your online life (and by extension, your real life) and they are having a negative impact on you.

Most of the time, blocking is warranted and done for safety, security, and for a healthier state of mind. These include accounts that belong to an ex (especially ones who are toxic), companies or people who promote content that can trigger you (like dieting or #fitspo accounts), or accounts that spread messages about hate (especially ones that attack your identity). Blocking people who you know who have negatively impacted you, like through bullying, toxic friendships, and constant harassment and contact, can also help improve your well-being.

Blocking can be tricky though, especially when it comes to people you know. If the person finds out they’ve been blocked, for example, they may get upset, especially if they don’t think they should have been blocked. Some may see it as a sign of being passive-aggressive if there wasn’t a conversation about how both of you have been feeling, and it can escalate into conversations or arguments that can affect everyone negatively. Although more direct, blocking can be interpreted the same way people interpret being subtweeted: for example, people getting blocked can make them feel anxious or guilty.

Relationships in general can be hard to navigate, but social media and the power to indirectly tell someone who don’t want them around adds another element. There are many reasons to warrant blocking, but if the people you’re blocking are those you know and you feel comfortable talking to them about any issues that you are having, it’s worth trying to find a way talking through it first before hitting the “block” button.

Have you ever blocked any accounts? Did they ever belong to anyone you know? What do you think warrants a block?

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by Moderator ★

Finding a Therapist Who Relates to You

January 24, 2020 in LINKS

The mental health profession, unfortunately, lacks diversity. The American Psychological Association found that 86% of practitioners are white, with other races making up less than 5% each. In a nation that continues to not just get more diverse, but is also becoming more open in talking about mental health, it’s important for people of color to not just find, but have access to therapists who look like them (you can read more about the topic here).

But just because there aren’t that many therapists of color doesn’t mean that none exist whatsoever. Ayana was designed for this purpose. Founded by Eric Coly, Ayana will be an app that allows minorities to get matched with therapists based on the latter’s experiences and identities. Ayana is not just limited to racially diverse therapists too, planning on covering therapists’ experiences and identities based on sexual orientation, class, gender identity, and ability. And because it can be hard to even have access to any therapist who seems like the best fit for you, Ayana gives the option for texting, calling, and video calling and addresses transportation, mobility, and scheduling challenges for those seeking help. 

Ayana is planning on going fully live sometime early this year. We wanted to give you a chance to put this on your radar if you’re a minority and feel that finding a therapist that shares your identities and relates to your culture is best for you. 

Are you a minority? Do you consider your identity when looking, or when you were looking for a therapist? How do you think having a therapist who relates to your experiences can help you?

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