SOVA Blog

The Power of “I Will”

July 12, 2021 in Be Positive

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Words carry meaning. This seems obvious, after all, we use words to communicate, and the way we phrase things and choose what and how we say them can make a big difference. This isn’t just limited to how we communicate with others, but how we talk to ourselves too.

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Although there is still a lot of time left in the summer, you may have started to think about the upcoming season. Between school and classes starting, new jobs beginning, and the weather (hopefully) changing and getting cooler, there’s a lot to consider and plan for. You may have started thinking about what goals you want to set for yourselves, whether they be academic, work-based, or personal.

This is where word choice comes in. You might not have a formal method of writing down and keeping your goals – they may be as simple as making a mental list as the countdown to autumn begins. The way we think about things and phrase them in our head can make a big difference, though. Think of it like stretching before going for a run. While the outcome is important and ultimately what you’re trying to achieve, you have to prepare beforehand and guarantee that you’re going to have a good outcome. It shows that you’re committed to the journey and ready for the long run. After all, the process is just as important as the result

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Saying things like “I will” instead of “I want to” or “I might be able to” sets your mind up to think of your outcome as something that is guaranteed to happen. That way, your goal is set in stone and you’re more prepared to work on it and are likely to be less pessimistic about it not happening. The other phrases sound weaker and make it seem like there’s only a chance of what you want to happen actually coming true, so you may not be as mentally motivated to go through with it.

Incorporating stronger phrases when goal-planning or thinking of things you want to happen for yourself is not just a tactic to use for positive thinking, but is also a motivational tool to make sure you get what you want and deserve.


What are some goals you have for yourself? Do you write them down or put them anywhere? How do you think the way you word them can change the outcome?

What do Social Media Stats Mean to You?

July 8, 2021 in Social Media Guide

Chances are, you’ve probably been guilty of caring about how well your posts are doing if you’re on social media. There’s just something so satisfying about seeing the number of views, likes, and comments build up, especially in the first few minutes of a post going live.

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There are several reasons why we feel like this when we get notifications. For one thing, it can validate us, feeling that whatever we posted is of good quality and any work we put in it paid off. That surge of validation may be even stronger if the likes we get are from people we admire, like, or rarely see engagement from. This can also make us feel like we’re being “accepted” and give us a sense of belonging with whoever and what types of people see and like the content we create and put up. Our brains may respond to these notifications the same way they do when we get rewarded or praised for something, which then in turn makes us feel happy.

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Of course, there is a negative side to that though: we may rely on waiting for those certain likes or craving validation, which can then make us rely on posting more or using other people’s views and likes as a source for our positive feelings. For those with mental illnesses, or even just as a person with the human desire for belonging and being wanted by others, not getting that attention may make us feel like we’re disliked, unwanted, and neglected.

Along with increasing that need for validation and belonging, the rewarding feeling we get from seeing social media statistics also happens when we compare ourselves to other people’s posts. It may be a friend, family member, or even an influencer or celebrity with a large following, but it’s natural for us to want to compare our statistics with theirs, and possibly even feel competitive, using those who are popular as a reference or as a goal.

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Instagram has addressed this in recent years by hiding likes on most posts. While you can still see the specific number of people who have liked your own content, you can only see that people have liked other ones, but not specifically who or how many.

The way we use and treat social media may change as Instagram and potentially other social media sites begin to hide other people’s social media stats. We may not feel like we need to meet the standards of other people because of how well their posts are doing, but may also put more pressure on ourselves to get as many notifications as possible since our own posts are the only ones we can see, and may end up competing with ourselves.


Do you find yourself caring a lot about your social media stats? Do you compare yourself to others on social media sites?

The Benefits of Teenage Friendships

July 7, 2021 in Educate Yourself

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More often than not, we feel like we’re alone throughout middle and high school. It’s a weird feeling – we’re in the same building with all of our peers for hours five days out of the week, and social media can have us feeling connected and lonely at the same time.

Even with that feeling of being alone, middle and high school is an exciting but also stressful time to make and maintain friendships. You may gravitate towards classmates, use social media to find friends your age around the world based on your interests, or try to keep in contact with those you don’t go to school with or don’t have classes with.

It can feel almost crucial and absolutely necessary to have solid friendships when you’re a teen – adolescents have a higher desire and need to be accepted amongst peers, and the relationships around us can play an important role in who we become and interact with others as adults. Overall, teen friendships can play a vital role when it comes to your mental health, not just as a teen, but as you get older too.

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Studies have shown that those who have strong connections both at home – which includes siblings – and at school when they’re teens are 66% less likely to experience mental illness or risky behavior. These risky behaviors include using drugs, misusing prescription drugs, and getting STDs. Additionally, having close friendships can help decrease stress levels and help you feel more secure and confident in adulthood.

The thing is, it can be hard finding and keeping those friendships when you’re a teen. You may get into arguments with others over the smallest things, and the reactions to them can make or break a friendship. Bullying – whether it’s in person or online – from people you consider to be friends can have a toxic effect on your self-esteem and self-worth, which can then affect how you trust others and make friends as an adult.

There are naturally a lot of benefits when it comes to friendships, but the ones we make as teenagers can have a powerful impact. This shouldn’t put pressure on you or force you to find and make important friendships, but at the very least, seeking a support system and finding those that you feel comfortable and safe around can help contribute to your development and sense of self.


How is your support system? What are or were your friendships like in high school? Do you still keep in touch with them?

When Does Teasing Go Too Far?

July 6, 2021 in Educate Yourself

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You may have heard of self-deprecating humor, or when you make jokes about the things about yourself that you consider to be negative. There’s also teasing and mocking, where you’re not the one making negative jokes about yourself, but it’s someone else saying these things about you to you. Of course, teasing is meant to be lighthearted and is distinctly different than bullying. At the surface, it’s not meant to be harmful or to make anyone directly feel bad, and is often meant to be done between people who trust each other and are comfortable around.

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Like self-deprecating humor however, having things you don’t like about yourself being said out loud can have severe negative effects about how you view yourself, and these can resonate with you and affect your self-esteem. Being teased can take this to another level too: for example, you may not be aware of the quality that someone is teasing you about, and you might start to get self-conscious about it. How teasing is done can also be subjective too – someone may think that they’re saying something lighthearted and joking towards you, but they may be saying it in a way that feels critical and a thinly-veiled way of telling you to change who you are.

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Although teasing and joking with people is usually done between friends and peers, families are also likely to have this kind of camaraderie with each other. After all, your family are the people you spend the most time with and ideally comfortable being around. You know each other’s quirks and living habits, and it can be fun to make light of them. One study showed though that parents who tease their children – especially when they are kids – can drastically affect how that child grows up. Teasing to the point of belittling, criticizing, and putting the child down can affect how that child controls their emotions. These children are more likely to be angrier and become bully-victims, or bullies who are also bullied. All of these, naturally, can culminate in poor mental health.

So when is teasing too much teasing? At the end of the day, it depends on the person and how much they can tolerate how people talk to them. It can be fun to be silly with friends and family if you’re comfortable with them and joke about how someone smells or how they say a word a certain way. But it’s also important to not just be vocal when something someone says is upsetting, but also to listen when someone says that something you said, even if joking, hurt them. Just like teasing can be a sign of a relationship you’re comfortable in, so is good communication.


Do you tease or have you been teased? What do you think about teasing? When do you think teasing goes too far?

How Does Social Media Affect the Adolescent Brain?

July 1, 2021 in Social Media Guide

The short answer? There are a lot of ways that using technology and specifically social media affects your brain. After all, the brain is always working and responding to everything, with social media being no exception.

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The adolescent brain is specifically known for its plasticity, that is, it changes, responds, and adapts a lot quicker to its environment.  As researchers conduct more studies on the adolescent brain and how fast it reacts and adapts to the things happening to and occurring around the adolescent, they’ve theorized that this plasticity may be part of the significant increase of mental illnesses appearing during adolescence, including depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. The limbic system, or the part of the brain that processes rewards and emotion, goes through huge changes pretty early in puberty. The prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that communicates with the limbic system and helps with decision making) is developed, but during adolescence, the reward system wins over executive function. Because of this, adolescents are much more likely to follow their emotions and immediately respond to them. Think of it as being more likely to “listen to your heart and not your head.”

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And of course, social media has recently become a part of that research too. There’s been a lot of focus on the limbic system and how adolescents respond to the notifications and responses they get on social media posts. Whenever they see a notification pop up on their phone about someone “liking” their post on any kind of site, this part of the brain lights up, and according to the study, gives the same response if they see a person that they love or when they win money. Because of this pleasure and positive feeling, adolescents are more likely to want to use social media more in order to get the same response.

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Social media sites are also aware of this addictive response too. Another way that social media affects the adolescent brain is the way that the brain responds to seeking content. Adolescents are likely to get excited about seeing posts that make them happy, are popular, or are specifically related to their interests. While they can seek that content themselves by searching it or follow certain tags or accounts that include said content, it may not always show up for them. That’s why social media sites like Instagram have endless feeds, and there’s no such thing as reaching the “end” of a page. It’s like a slot machine: you keep scrolling and scrolling because you never know if you’re going to see something you like, and when you do, you get excited. So what do you do? Keep scrolling until that happens again.

Obviously, adolescents aren’t the only ones with a limbic system in their brain and this affects anyone, even adults. But because adolescents get excited much quicker because of how early the limbic system develops, social media is a way for them to get that immediate reward, especially because it’s something that they can use at their fingertips. That feeling isn’t always going to be there though, and a negative reaction can occur, and these can be heightened for adolescents who experience symptoms of mental illness.

Social media is a tricky game, and can mess with our emotions. It can be difficult to avoid this or even remember this because it’s something that we’re constantly using, but it can help to be aware that it shouldn’t control how we feel.


Do you use social media as a coping mechanism? Do you find yourself endlessly scrolling? How do you feel when you get notifications, or when you check your phone and you don’t have any?

What is Reslience?

June 29, 2021 in Uncategorized

Trying to combat mental illness and the effects it can have on you can be exhausting, hard, and can even make you feel worse. Nonetheless, resilience, or the process of fighting back and recovering from difficulties, is possible.

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Resilience is a way to include positivity in your life and a way to fight back against the negative thoughts that often come with having a mental illness. It’s a way of like telling your mental illness that it doesn’t have more power than you have over yourself and that you can get back up when it knocks you down. There are tons of ways to practice resilience too, from changing behavior patterns or your environment to practicing healthy coping mechanisms.

Resilience acts as a type of protective factor, which are ways to prevent issues like more severe mental health effects from occurring. It’s different than simply trying to overcome your issues though; while it may sound like it’s the same thing as putting on a smile on your face and acting as if nothing is wrong, resilience is more about trying to find a way to battle your feelings and also means embracing that they’re in the first place.

But how does resilience look for adolescents specifically? One study interviewed five teenage girls who were being treated for various mental illnesses such as addiction, PTSD, and depression. Common patterns appeared in what all of them had to say; for example, embracing resilience for them was challenging, but they described the effects that it had on them to be really rewarding.

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These difficulties came in the form of trying to find positivity when combating triggers or experiencing nightmares, or feeling like they were alone in their situation and trying to withstand trauma by themselves, especially because of things like stigma or being shut down when they did open up. They were able to find resilience through becoming more confident in dealing with their mental health issues, which led to an increase in self-worth, and it was something that they were able to work on not just with other’s help, but through their own individual determination. They were also able to find the resources they needed and simply just surviving when things felt like they were at their worst.

While it’s a journey, finding ways to be resilient against your mental illness is possible.


What do you think resilience is? How do you embrace difficulties or challenges that may come because of mental health?

Staying Cool to Help Your Mood

June 28, 2021 in Be Positive

Summer is officially in full swing, though, it may feel like it’s been that way for a while now if you’ve recently finished the school year or noticed just how hot and muggy it’s been.

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You may have noticed that these temperature changes have affected how you’ve been feeling. Summer is often associated with positivity because of the longer hours in the day and sunlight, but it can also be a crankier time as the temperatures continue to rise.

Heat can have a negative impact on your mood: high temperatures can lead to dehydration and heatstroke, which are extremely unpleasant situations to be in. The nausea, headaches, and exhaustion that come with them hardly ever puts anyone in a good mood, and these can contribute to crankiness. In general, intensive heat can make us uncomfortable and make us feel restricted in what we can do, such as needing to stay inside all day to avoid said heat. Between these and feeling like we have no control over what we can do and having no control over the heat can all contribute to shortened fuses, and at its worst, signs of aggression and violence.

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That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the warmth though. If you want your summer to be as pleasant as it can be and you want to have some control over your mood, there are tons of ways to keep cool beyond feeling like you need to stay cooped inside all day with air conditioning. It’s important to stay hydrated – not just by drinking water, but through things like misting sprays (there are even some that are combined with fans to help keep you extra cool!). Cooling towels are usually associated with sports, but you can also keep them with you when you’re outside, especially if it’s so hot that you sweat the second you’re exposed to the sun.

Summer is a double-edged sword, providing freedom yet restrictions because of the warmth and heat. While it can feel like the humidity and heat are the ones controlling your mood, you have ways of fighting back and enjoying your time off as much as you can.


How do you feel when it’s really hot outside? Do you think your mood has a tendency to drop when it gets too hot? What recommendations do you have to stay cool?

Using Your Watch to Practice Deep Breathing

June 25, 2021 in LINKS

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There are tons of breathing and meditation apps available online (we’ve covered a few of them before if you want some suggestions!). If you’re running out of space, unsure which one is best for you, or just want something that’s convenient, finding a tool to help guide you with your breathing to help you get or stay calm may be easier to find than you think.

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If you have any type of smartwatch, chances are, there’s some sort of app or guide you can use that’s already on there to help you. The Apple Watch has an animation you can follow and a section on the Apple Watch app on the iPhone that you can use to set reminders, goals, and durations. Those with Android watches (or any watch that has Google software like Fossil watches) can use the Fit Breathe app on their device – there’s a corresponding Google Fit app you can also get to help keep track of it. With it, you can keep your eyes closed, and your watch will vibrate to tell you when to inhale, hold, or exhale. Fitbits have a Relax app with two or five minute long sessions to help you practice deep breathing too.

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You don’t need a smartwatch to be able to practice deep breathing at anytime though. You can use any kind of watch to time yourself taking breaths (make sure you can see the second hand though – holding your breath for minutes at a time isn’t really relaxing). One such way is through the 4-7-8 breathing method. It’s pretty simple: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, then slowly release for 8 seconds.

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Watches have become so much more than simply telling time. Ironically, having watches and always knowing what time it is can have us spending time thinking about how little time we have to do things and may make us stress and worry about how we need to be on top of things and meet deadlines. It doesn’t help that smartwatches can constantly buzz with notifications and overwhelm us with not answering and responding to things right away. But even though time can feel daunting and nerve-wracking, using some of those minutes to try deep breathing can make the biggest difference.


Do you own a smartwatch? What suggestions do you have to practice deep breathing? Do they require technology?

Multiple Selves, LGBTQ+ Youths, and Social Media

June 24, 2021 in Social Media Guide

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The variety of social media platforms, the kind of content they show, and who uses them allows people to wear different “masks” depending on what site or app they go on. Facebook has become more family-dominated, so many teenagers feel like they need to filter themselves so their parents, grandparents, and other extended family don’t see everything. Meanwhile, teens may use Instagram to present a seemingly perfect and aesthetic lifestyle to their peers (finstas, on the other hand, make teens feel like they can show their “true selves”).

There have been a lot of reports and articles about filtering and the different “selves” that people present online. Usually, it’s about the conflict between our “real selves and who we want to be (A.K.A., the type of person we try to be online). However, LGBTQ+ youth can use social media and the presentation of different “selves” as a positive thing. Because they already feel like they have to filter their true selves offline and with the people they know in real life, going online gives them the opportunity to be as authentic as possible. Of course, this can still depend on the social media outlet: some can be out on Facebook, but may not talk about it as much and their experiences compared to other sites like Twitter or Snapchat.

A survey of LGBTQ+ youths looked at how they chose to present themselves, specifically on Facebook. Their results were clustered into categories that measured how out LGBTQ+ people were on the site, and how out they were within certain groups. Just like the various types of social media outlets, LGBTQ+ youths can be out in different circles even within Facebook itself.

In short, the survey found the results to be complex. While the largest groups that people interacted with were with school peers and LGBTQ+ groups – where people were more likely to be out and personal – people were still relatively out to their family members. Results also varied depending on how they used Facebook. For example, some had different pages (one person had a separate Facebook page for their drag persona), and these separate accounts allowed them to choose what information they wanted to reveal went where.

Ultimately, especially for those who identify as LGBTQ+, safety comes first when talking about personal matters online. Social media gives people the chance to connect with others who are like them, especially when it can be difficult to find that offline, but sites that are also used by those they are not comfortable may make filtering necessary.


Do you think you put on different masks depending on the types of social media that you use? Do you have separate accounts for the same social media site? If you are LGBTQ+, how do you think social media affects how out you want to be online?

Boys’ Mental Health

June 23, 2021 in Uncategorized

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With the recent rising rates of depression in the US, mental health is being recognized as a crisis in American youth. While mental illness is commonly thought to be associated with girls, statistics tell us that boys are just as vulnerable.

Teen girls attempt suicide more than teen boys do, but boys are more likely to die from their attempts. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1,537 boys 15-19 years old died because of suicide in 2015, versus 524 girls. Boys are also found to be less likely to seek treatment. According to Dennis Barbour, president of the Partnership for Male Youth, some boys see doing so as a sign of weakness. Even if they don’t see it this way, boys are less likely to be spotted by a physician. Unlike girls, who may regularly see a gynecologist as they grow out of their pediatrician, boys tend to see their doctors less frequently, especially if they don’t see their pediatrician anymore.

Societal pressures also play a significant factor. A national poll in 2018 showed that one-third of boys between the ages of 10-19 years old felt that society expects them to “be a man” and “suck it up” when they feel sad or scared. Another third felt they need to suppress their feelings, and half wanted to know more about having the right to feel the way they feel, despite pressures from society.

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Major protective factors against depression and other mental health issues are friendships and relationships with others. 6 in 10 American teens say that most of their daily interactions with friends are online rather than in-person, and their reason for the lack of face-to-face time is having “too many other obligations,” according to the Pew Research Center. Some experts blame this increasing use of social media for the rising rate of depression among teens, which in 2016 increased by 63% from the previous year. Niobe Way, an NYU professor of applied psychology, found that while 85% of teen boys wanted close friendships with other boys, they stop forming these relationships because valuing relationships is to “not be a man.”

Little has been done toward addressing mental health issues in boys and men. The Partnership for Male Youth is working towards educating clinicians, parents, and other educators by creating a toolkit for adolescent and young adult males that informs health providers of their unique needs around mental health. Way has developed “The Listening Project,” a program in New York City that trains seventh-graders to connect with their peers and form relationships.

While these programs are a start, much more needs to be done to remove both the stigma of mental health as something that only affects girls and the concept that “being a man” means not showing emotions or asking for help. Both men and women have the right to express our feelings and reach out for support, and to recognize our need to be real to the core of who we are.


Are you or do you know of a boy struggling with mental health issues? Do you have any thoughts on mental health stigma among boys? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

This SOVA blog post was based off of Julie Compton’s article from NBC News, “Boys need better access to mental health care. Why aren’t they getting it?” To access the original post, check it out here.