SOVA Blog

Why Self-Care Sometimes Isn’t Fun (and that’s a good thing)

August 8, 2022 in Be Positive

At first, “self-care” sounds pretty straightforward. You’re taking care of yourself and doing things that make you feel good about yourself. This is often associated with relaxing and the images of face masks, bath bombs, doing yoga, and reading with a cup of tea. Self-care can also include cleaning out your closet, watching your favorite show when work or homework gets too overwhelming, and, of course, “treating yourself.”

All of these things are completely valid forms of self-care (we’ve talked about a good majority of them too). However, while they feel great, self-care is not just about doing things that feel good but the actions you take to make sure your emotional, physical, and mental needs are being met so you can function and go about your daily routines as healthily as possible.

It’s one thing to take care of yourself and have a “me-day,” but while that feeling is great at the time, sometimes it’s only just a distraction from what’s really bothering you. And this is where self-care isn’t as fun. In order to meet those basic needs, you may have to confront the things that are upsetting you and causing mental strains that can lead to burnout, heightened anxiety, or explosions at other people from pent-up frustrations.  

Sometimes confronting these things and taking the steps to change habits and ways of thinking can be harder than we want to admit. Trying to change bad habits ranging from biting your nails to smoking are a form of self-care. Going to therapy and talking to a therapist about things you may have buried is a form of self-care. Making the effort to follow through with plans and socializing when you usually try to find ways to stay home instead is self-care. By tackling these barriers and working through things that can seem scary and difficult at first, you’re taking the steps forward in order to become a better you.

Self-care for everyone looks different. It can be both fun and terrifying. And to get a little cliche, self-care can be going out in a storm to see the rainbow that shines after.


What do you think self-care is? Have you ever had a difficult conversation or been in a difficult situation that you found actually helped you after?

Communicating during Conflict

July 1, 2022 in LINKS

In any type of relationship, conflicts are bound to happen. Having conflict sometimes isn’t necessarily a bad thing, some say it’s even healthy for a relationship. However, there are times during conflict where one may say something hurtful, mean, or insensitive, leading to unintended consequences. Effective communication, especially during conflict, can help both parties advocate for their needs while still respecting the other person. Here are some tips for effective communication during a conflict:

  • Focus on problem, not person
    • Focus on what they may be saying or doing (their actions), without attacking their character or who they are as an individual
    • Try to say “I felt upset when ‘x’ happened” instead of
    • “I don’t like how you always ‘x’ “
  • Use reflective listening
    • Repeat back what they say, like “It sounds like (summarize what they said)”
    • This can help show the other party that you are listening and trying to understand where they are come from
  • Use “I” statements
    • I statements help you avoid blaming, instead you are taking responsibility for your own feelings
    • I feel emotion word when explanation
    • Explanation: explain how others actions affected you
  • Know when to take a time out
    • Sometimes we need a 5 minute time-out to take a breather, especially when our emotions are running high. Try to communicate that you need a time-out with the other person and that you will revisit the situation when things feels less heightened.

Conflict, while sometimes unavoidable, can be understandably uncomfortable. With practice, effective communication can help transform the conflict into something both people learn and grow from.


What are some things that help you navigate conflict with others? Have you tried any of these techniques before? If so, what was it like?

Do Notifications Heighten Your Anxiety?

June 24, 2022 in LINKS, Social Media Guide

It could be a notification about anything: a text from your best friend, an email, or a DM on Instagram. No matter what it is, getting that alert via vibration and/or ding! can send a wave of brief panic through your body, even if it’s a trivial random news notification about five new recipes to try this week.

If you ever feel those anxious symptoms when you get a notification, you’re not alone. Although people are already constantly checking their phones and usually waiting for some sort of notification, actually receiving one can send the mind spiraling. There are tons of reasons that notifications can trigger these anxious feelings. For example, you might think that an incoming text means that you did something wrong and the person texting you is calling you out on something. An email could potentially be from a professor telling you you flunked an assignment or a rejection letter from somewhere that you had applied to. You might even get anxious over the fact that a notification could be your crush liking your recent Instagram post and what that implies.

Then there’s the other side to receiving notifications. Now that someone’s reached out to you, your mind may start worrying about how to respond. If it’s not someone you don’t talk to frequently, it can be even more stressful thinking about how you respond in order to maintain whatever relationship you want to have with them. What about timing? Now that you have received the notification, would it make sense to respond right away? What if that person responded to you hours after you reached out? What does that mean about your relationship?

These moments of panic that come with receiving notifications can be triggers of social anxiety and can cause catastrophic thinking. We worry about what someone potentially has to say to us, we worry about how to respond, we fear ruining a relationship, and so on, just because of a simple bubble that appears on our lock screen.

One easy solution to avoid these feelings can be to completely disable notifications. This is definitely a possibility – it’s been tried and studied before in a “Do Not Disturb” challenge where 30 people turned off alerts for a full 24 hours. While those who participated felt less distracted and checked their phones less often, they still felt some sort of anxiety about not just missing out on communicating with others, but also felt anxiety that they were missing important or urgent information.

Not unlike temporarily deactivating apps as a way of doing a mini social media cleanse, you can turn off notifications for certain apps. If you’re in a group chat that overwhelms you, you can put them on do not disturb and check it periodically. This doesn’t mean that you’re not receiving notifications, but what it does is gives you the power to look at, respond to, and process notifications at your own pace versus feeling rushed to do so all within that millisecond that you receive a push notification.

Notifications can be fun to receive, but they can not only cause stress, but keep you glued to your phone with the hopes that you’ll receive one. Disabling them, or even some, can help ease your mind and give you more control over your phone and social media usage.


Do you have notifications disabled for any of the major social media accounts that you use? How often do you check your phone? Do you feel anxious when you receive a notification, and if so, what do you get anxious about?

BIPOC-Focused Mental Health Instagram Accounts to Follow

June 17, 2022 in LINKS

Social Media can sometimes feel like the “bad place”: a never-ending cycle of comparison and feeling left out. And while apps like Instagram can be entities that negatively affect our mental health, they sometimes can serve as resources too. Mental Health Instagram accounts are increasingly popular and can offer an accessible, safe space to get digestible information on mental health and resources. Here are several that are specifically tailored to Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC).

  • Therapy for Black Girls: @therapyforblackgirls
    • A resource site with thousands of Black therapists that offer in-office or virtual services.
    • Therapy for Black Girls also has podcasts, an internet community space called Sister Circle (requires a small monthly fee), and much more.
  • Inclusive Therapists: @inclusivetherapists
    • A group dedicated to being inclusive of all identities. They periodically offer funds to support free mental health care for BIPOC
  • Black Mental Wellness Corp @blackmentalwellness
    • A DC based group that aims to destigmatize mental health. They also provide a list of mental health resources for the Black community here
  • Latinx Therapist Network: @latinxtherapy
    • Offer a directory of Latinx therapists along with bilingual podcasts
  • Steel Smiling: @steelsmilingpgh
    • a Pittsburgh collective working to improve awareness and access to mental health resources. They have trained community advocates and introduced a Black Mental Health Fund to support access to therapy.

Please note that this is not an exhaustive list, and that these accounts are not a substitute for therapy. However, they can serve as great resources and a welcoming online space.


Do you know of/follow these accounts? What are other social media accounts for BIPOC do you recommend?

The Power of “Both/And”

May 27, 2022 in LINKS

How often have we found ourselves saying “either…or”?

  • Either I support this person or take care of myself
  • Either I feel grief or relief
  • Either I succeed or fail

When we find ourselves caught in this “either/or”, it can feel like we are being pulled in two opposite directions. If we believe only one or the other can exist, it can make us feel conflicted, guilty, and anxious.

Enter “Both/And”. “Both/And” is a popular DBT technique that essentially replaces the “but” with an “and”. “Both/And” means “two or multiple things can be true at once”. It also means accepting everyone’s emotional experiences are different and that’s okay.

It seems so simple, and yet it can make a huge difference in how we approach our thoughts and feelings.

“Both/And” allows us to accept ourselves and give ourselves grace. Human emotions are complex, and multiple, seemingly opposite, concepts can exist at once. “Both/And” recognizes these complexities and holds room for the variety of our experiences. This means you can feel joy and sadness and have both emotions be valid. “Both/And” can be an effective tool to challenge all-or-nothing thinking. It helps break the dichotomy of either/or and opposites.

Like most habits, it can feel rusty at first replacing “either/or” statements with “both/and”. AND, as you practice, you may surprise yourself with how quickly it catches on. If you find yourself engaging in All-or-Nothing thinking, or saying “either/or”, here are a few statements that you can ask yourself to encourage both/and:

  • “Can both of these be true?”
  • “Can I feel multiple things at once?”
  • “Is it possible that this other person’s pain doesn’t mean I have to be ok right now?”
  • “Can I notice what I’m experiencing without judgment?”

Have you heard of “Both/And” before? What are some ways you can incorporate it in your daily life? How might “Both/And” be helpful for you or those you know?

The South Asian Sexual and Mental Health Alliance

May 20, 2022 in LINKS

For Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Month, we wanted to highlight the South Asian Sexual and Mental Health Alliance (SASMHA) today. The organization was developed to specifically provide resources and fight the cultural stigma that South Asian youths (who also referred to themselves as “desis”) face when it comes to various topics, including mental health.

The website has several features for young South Asians to explore, such as a podcast and workshops that they (or anyone!) may want to implement in their community spaces. Another feature includes several candid stories from South Asian youths about their mental health, from topics such as coping with COVID, eating disorders, and recovering from trauma. They also have compiled an extensive list of South Asian-specific mental health resources at both a national and local level.

Check out the website here!


Do you identify as South Asian? What stigmas do you face in your life about mental health and any other topics? How does this affect you?

Music, Social Media, and Image

May 19, 2022 in Social Media Guide

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Music is an extension of ourselves and a way to not only express but figure out our identity. Studies have shown that adolescents listen to more music than any other age group and use it to help shape their self-image, as different music genres often carry a niche culture and aesthetic.

Research has also shown that adolescents use music as a way to connect with others and make friends with those who have similar tastes. Social media is one way for people to bond over their music preferences.

Using social media to find out what your peers are listening to isn’t new: MySpace was known for being the place to discover and hear other’s music taste online. Not only would aspiring bands and artists post their content there (think of musicians like Panic at the Disco and Taylor Swift), but users could include a playlist of their current favorite songs that was visible on their page. Of course, aspiring musicians can also use sites like Soundcloud ,  YouTube, Bandcamp, and even TikTok to post their original works.

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Nowadays, social media sites allow users to post what music they listen to as a Facebook status or play a song snippet over their Instagram story. Even Spotify counts as social media: Spotify gives you the option to add friends through your Facebook contacts, so they can see what you’re listening to in real-timeSpotify Wrapped has gained immense popularity over the past few years, where users can share the highlights of their listening sessions over the year on their social media.

Listening to music is a deeply personal act. Sometimes, we might fear judgment from others for our music preferences. Curating what people see can be similar to picking and choosing what we wear in public; it’s a piece of our image. Publicizing our music interests can be anxiety-inducing. Some might have a genre that they’re embarrassed of or that isn’t very popular with their friends. Some may be indifferent to sharing, while others may find it enjoyable. Some may even turn this feature off entirely and listen to their music without others knowing, such as Spotify’s “private” listening option.

The public and private feeds on Spotify shed light on how people can alter how they listen to music based on how others perceive them. It’s much easier said than done not to care about how people view your music tastes. At the same time, music can be a powerful tool that boosts our mood or even help us heal. It’s natural to fear judgment, and what feels or sounds good to you is what matters most. 

If anything, if you want to expand your taste in music outside of Spotify’s Discover Weekly, the friend feed could be a great option to find some new songs.


If you use Spotify, do you have the friends on your feed? Do you look at what others are listening to, or do you think others are looking at yours? Why do you think some people judge each other’s music tastes so harshly? Does music play a role in how you may relate to friends?

Understanding the Teenage Brain

April 22, 2022 in LINKS

Mental health, as the name suggests, is our health mentally, which is to say, has to do with our brain. And just like our bodies, our brains are constantly changing and growing, particularly in childhood and adolescence.

You probably know that puberty, in short, kinda sucks. Everything feels strange, you’re getting acne and hair in weird places, and the awkward phase is in full swing. And then there are the mood swings, wanting to stay up later, and that need to feel seen as your own person and come across as independent.

The brain doesn’t fully stop developing until your mid-twenties, and even though anyone is vulnerable to mental illness at any point, researchers are finding that the adolescent brain may have a stronger link

While the videos below don’t specifically talk about the link between adolescent brain development and mental health, they’re still worth watching to learn more about just exactly why your brain works the way it does, may help you understand why you feel certain things at certain times, and can help explain how the extreme emotions you feel may lead to the stronger effects of mental illness. 

SciShow (by Hank Green of vlogbrothers fame) breaks down different aspects of puberty and what part of our brain and the chemicals involved makes us react the way we do, especially when it comes to the angstier parts. It’s straightforward and he makes a complicated time a lot easier to understand.

The teenage brain explained – SciShow

Teen Mental Health, an organization meant to educate teenagers about their mental health takes a more creative approach and makes you feel like you’re in a sci-fi movie and receiving a software update with your teenage brain. It talks about just how powerful brain is and how entering puberty is just the next step in making it even stronger.

Teen Brain HD – Teen Mental Health

What do you know about the teenage brain? Why do you think teenagers and adolescents are more vulnerable to both the positive and negative effects of mental health?

How Does Social Media Affect the Adolescent Brain

April 21, 2022 in Social Media Guide

The short answer? There are a lot of ways that using technology and specifically social media affects your brain. After all, the brain is always working and responding to everything, and social media is no exception.

The adolescent brain is known for its plasticity. This means it changes, responds, and adapts quickly to its environment. Plasticity may be part of the significant increase of mental illnesses appearing during adolescence, including depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. The limbic system, or the part of the brain that processes rewards and emotion, goes through huge changes pretty early in puberty. The prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that communicates with the limbic system and helps with decision making and executive function) is undeveloped and the reward system wins over executive function. Because of this, adolescents are much more likely to follow their emotions and immediately respond to them. Think of it as being more likely to “listen to your heart and not your head.”

There’s been a lot of focus on the limbic system and how adolescents respond to the notifications and responses they get on social media posts. Whenever they see a notification pop up on their phone about someone “liking” their post on any kind of site, this part of the brain lights up and gives the same response as if they see a person that they love or when they win money. Because of this pleasure and positive feeling, adolescents are more likely to want to use social media more in order to get the same response.

Social media sites are aware of this addictive response. Another way that social media affects the adolescent brain is the way that the brain responds to seeking content. Adolescents are likely to get excited about seeing posts that make them happy, are popular, or are specifically related to their interests. While they can seek that content themselves by searching it or following certain tags or accounts that include that content, it may not always show up for them. That’s why social media sites like Instagram have endless feeds, and there’s no such thing as reaching the “end” of a page. It’s like a slot machine: you keep scrolling and scrolling because you never know if you’re going to see something you like, and when you do, you get excited. So what do you do? Keep scrolling until that happens again.

Obviously, adolescents aren’t the only ones with a limbic system in their brain. This affects adults as well. But because adolescents get excited much quicker due to how early the limbic system develops, social media is a way for them to get that immediate reward, especially because it’s something that they can use at their fingertips. That feeling isn’t always going to be there though, and a negative reaction can occur, which can be heightened for adolescents who experience symptoms of mental illness.

Social media is a tricky game, and it can mess with our emotions. It can be difficult to avoid this or even remember this because it’s something that we’re constantly using, but it can help to be aware that it shouldn’t control how we feel.


Do you use social media as a coping mechanism? Do you find yourself endlessly scrolling? How do you feel when you get notifications, or when you check your phone and you don’t have any?

Getting Things Done

April 15, 2022 in LINKS

It is important to find a routine that works for you amid your busy schedule. Each day may bring something different. For those in school, finals and big assignments may be coming up soon, and it can be daunting to figure out how to get everything done, especially with the anxiety you may be feeling with these tasks on top of the anxiety with everything else going on. Ironically, if you feel anxiety when it comes to getting tasks completed, those symptoms of anxiety may actually delay you from starting them, making it take even longer to get everything done. Distractions around you like your phone don’t help either.

Overall, it’s overwhelming and messy. So, if you have big things that you need to get done coming up, or even if you want to make sure you can stay on task when everything feels distracting, there are ways to focus without these daunting, anxious feelings.

One way to do this is by dividing your work into intervals. This is known as the Pomodoro Technique, where you spend a set amount of time focusing on whatever you need to focus on, take a small break, and then repeat. The amount of time you choose to do your work can vary depending on how long you realistically think you can focus. Some may be able to do a half-hour of their work, take a three-minute break, and repeat until they’re done, while others may think that spending ten minutes working is the most realistic with five minute breaks. Everyone works differently.

There are a ton of apps that you can use that let you set how long you want these intervals and breaks to be. Some include Be Focused, the Tomato Timer, and Engross. You can check them out and choose what’s best for you depending on what device you want to have the timer on, how they look, and how effective they are.


How do you manage your time? Do you have any apps that you use for productivity? How do they affect your stress and anxiety?