SOVA Blog

It’s Okay to Want Attention

September 13, 2022 in Educate Yourself

There are several reasons why people may be hesitant when it comes to opening up about mental health, and especially mental illness. Stigma still plays a large part, while others may feel that what they’re experiencing “isn’t that bad” and that others have it worse, so it’s not worth bringing up.

Similar to this, others may be afraid to open up about their mental health because they are afraid of taking up too much space in others’ lives. It’s not uncommon for those experiencing symptoms of mental illness feeling like they are a burden and that their mental illness is something that will inconvenience others around them. Some may view simply existing with mental illness as troublesome and being a negative presence around others, while others may feel that talking about their issues and what they’re going through is too selfish.

As humans however, we all crave attention and the feeling of being wanted. There’s nothing wrong – and it’s even helpful – to openly talk about what you’re going through and when your mental illness is severely impacting you. When it comes to trying to find that balance of seeking support from others and demanding too much space, keep in mind some of the following items:

If you think you’re taking up too much space, you most likely are not. Mental illness has a way of manipulating and negatively affecting your thoughts and how you see the things and people around you. While you may think that you’re being selfish and only talking about the negative things that you’re experiencing, the reality is, it’s probably not the only thing that you’re talking about with others, and definitely not the only thing others are talking about with you.

Find and trust your support system. Obviously, you don’t need to tell everyone in excruciating detail about what you’re going through, but try to find at least a couple of people who have similar mental illness experiences, are those that you can trust, and/or identify as people close to you. In moments when your mental illness seems overbearing, they can be people you can immediately contact. If you are having difficulty finding a support group, there are online spaces for those to talk about their mental illness with others in a nonjudgmental and safe space (like SOVA!).

If you don’t get a response right away, it’s most likely not because of you. Just like the human need for attention, humans also naturally center themselves and that the things that are happening around them are a result of things that they have done. If you text a friend that you’re not doing too well and they haven’t responded immediately, just remember that everyone has their own lives and are being affected and demanded by other tasks, people, and things. A response two hours later is not reflective of you; they may just be experiencing other things that are taking up their time.


Who have you talked about your mental illness with? Have you been afraid to open up about things because you think it’s selfish or burdensome?



How Our Genes Are Not Set In Stone

September 9, 2022 in LINKS

One of the most interesting areas of mental health research is “epigenetics”—the study of changes in organisms caused by modification of gene expression rather than changing the genetic code itself. In plain language, that means that we can inherit a predisposition to conditions like depression and anxiety—but there are also things we can do to change how our genes make themselves felt in our daily lives.

As Rachel Yehuda, Ph.D., says:

We’re just starting to understand that just because you’re born with a certain set of genes, you’re not in a biologic prison as a result of those genes.

Changes can be made in our behaviors that then change the way the genes function. Our genes are not set in stone.

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Yehuda is professor of psychiatry and neuroscience at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. She talks about epigenetics and the kinds of changes we can make to our genetic expression in this episode of a super-helpful podcast called “On Being.”

Sometimes those changes, for example, have to do with diet—like if you inherit a predisposition toward cancer, you don’t inherit actual tumors, but you inherit a greater possibility that if you eat a diet high in animal fat and low in healthy carbohydrates, you may increase your chances of your genes turning on the “switch” for cancer.

And sometimes those changes have to do with behaviors.

If you inherit the predisposition toward depression, and you respond to stress by locking yourself in your room, refusing to talk to anyone, and comparing yourself to peers on social media, then you may run the risk of turning on those switches that can lead your genes “express” the tendency toward depression.

But it works the other way, too! The more you learn to respond to stress with behaviors such as visiting a therapist, engaging in yoga or meditation, or talking with a friend, the more you can increase your chances of turning that switch off—or keeping it turned off.

Yehuda says that her research is showing that “some epigenetic changes occur in response to psychotherapy.”

If we’re saying that environmental circumstances can create one kind of change, a different environmental circumstance creates another kind of change. That’s very empowering.

Check out On Being on Facebook and Twitter for positive messages throughout your day!

Have you ever worried that your genes would “lock you in a prison”? Have you actually seen your coping strategies reduce your symptoms of anxiety and depression? What practices empower you? Tell us!

Self-Care and Influencers

September 7, 2022 in Social Media Guide

Most people think of self-care as an ongoing process of maintaining one’s living space, hygiene, and ensuring that basic needs are being met. It’s not always easy or fun, but it’s an essential component to being well. While these activities can seem easy to manage for most, for those dealing with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, or other conditions, these tasks require a greater deal of time and effort and may not be as often maintained. Social media has also contributed to the idea that buying all the right beauty/wellness products can maximize the outcomes and the products may feel like a necessity in the minds of consumers.

If you search online for the value of the self-care and wellness markets, you can see that the self care industry is valued around $10 billion and is only a part of a much larger market of wellness which as of 2018 was valued around $4.5 trillion. While there is nothing wrong with buying the occasional bath bomb or doing facial masks or splurging on a new hygiene gadget, these statistics show that these purchases are more than occasional and show trends of increase across time. Naturally, most companies will use some sort of advertising to attract you to their products, and while these ads vary in terms of style, tone, language, the goal will be the same: “buy our product. It will provide something you need.”

Passive advertising, or the use of more natural ads in ways that aren’t obtrusive (think of product placement in your favorite TV shows, movies, and video games) is so commonplace that it often seems to be the primary way advertising is done. Passive advertising’s main drawback is the time commitment needed to build a following, but if a brand can use an already established entity such as a celebrity or other media personality, it can rapidly speed this process as seen in many ads on television. As advertising needs to grow the brand it represents, it will regularly redesign its ad strategies to capture the attention of younger age groups.

The easiest way to do this is to take advantage of the stress and pressure that teens and young adults are under from school, parents, their peer groups, etc. to be at their best at all times. Since social media is mostly used by younger age groups, it makes the most sense to advertise there. As different sites and apps gain a big enough userbase, these brands will create accounts and generate content that is just advertising their brand, but is not visibly different than other content unless the site specifically marks it as “advertising” or “sponsored.” Because of this presence, many people like, share, and follow brands they like on social media.  If they don’t, they likely follow someone on social media who does.

This often occurs in the case of social media influencers who promote an idealized vision of a “perfect life” while being paid to promote specific products that often come with a very high price tag. This is not to say that they are being deliberately manipulative or harmful. It makes sense to sell something when there is no alternative in an economic system like capitalism which requires money for survival, but there are risks to this advertising when the consumer is a younger person.

What’s important to consider is that while the product may be a good product, the product alone isn’t helping the influencer. Rather, it’s the money they are being paid, and because this is often their full-time job, they have more access to these products and to free time and other aspects of life that can make their self-care much easier to complete than the average young person. Additionally, part of being an online presence is acting and showing off a “perfect life” that often doesn’t show their own anxieties and stresses caused by their work.

If subscribers of these creators regularly buy these products and don’t have the same outcomes set by the hyper-glamorous lives of online celebrities, it can create a harmful loop that can have negative impacts on the mental health of the consumer. This is especially true in the case of beauty, health, self-care, and other wellness industries where self-image and self-esteem often end up very associated with these products.

The best thing to do when being a follower of content creators that incorporate advertising is to read other reviews of the product and also determine what about the product is desirable and if it will actually provide self-care in a meaningful way or if it will simply be a a temporary boost that results in a cycle of needing more, potentially causing debt, or worse, could potentially be a harmful or inferior product


Do you use products for your mental health and wellness? Have you ever bought a product because of an influencer? Have you ever seen a sponsored post for healthcare and/or mental health products?

National Alliance on Mental Illness

September 2, 2022 in LINKS

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is the United States’ largest grassroots mental health organization. NAMI is dedicated to building better lives for millions of American’s affected by mental illness through education, advocacy, listening, and awareness.

The NAMI website is an excellent resource for information about mental health, with a wide variety of news articles on mental illness, specific conditions, blogs, stories, and more!

Learn More: Learn about the warning signs of mental illness, mental health conditions, statistics, treatments, research, and public policies.

Find Support:  This section includes tips for reaching out to support services, advice on living with a mental health condition (such as navigating insurance, finding a therapist, facing the challenges of relationships, and more!) and support for:

  • family members and caregivers,
  • teens and young adults,
  • veterans and active duty personnel,
  • LGBTQ2IA+ people,
  • and marginalized communities.

There is also a HelpLine and programs that offer support, education, and training.

Get Involved:  This section shows various ways that you and your family can get involved with NAMI, whether that be through education, peer support, policy advocacy, or promoting public understanding.

NAMI News: Read about mental illness in the news and ways to take action.

NAMI Blogs:  A place to comment on post from people who have lived experience with mental illness and those with expertise in living with mental illness and mental health.

Personal Stories: Read personal stories from the NAMI community.

Find your local NAMI! What are they up to in your community? What is something valuable you learned from the NAMI website? Leave us a comment and let us know!  


Have you looked at the NAMI website before? What are some takeaways you found?

Going Private

August 31, 2022 in Social Media Guide

You may think of two different things when you think about social media. You may think that social media makes everyone an open book, spilling all their secrets and sharing too much information so you know where they are, what they’re eating, and who they’re with at any given moment. You may alternatively think that social media is fake and controlled, and that people on social media only share what they think will get them the most attention.

Regardless, social media is a place where we know that almost any and everyone can see the content we create and share, and with that may come a need to make sure that they think what we put up is valid. It can be stressful to always think about pleasing everyone, and the fear that someone you don’t know as well (or don’t even know at all!) can find your content and respond with a negative comment can be anxiety-inducing.

Fortunately, most, if not nearly every social media platform comes with an option to go private, or at the very least, control who sees your profile and your accounts. Twitter and Instagram give you the ability to lock your account completely and limit who follows you, because you have to approve those who request to follow you. Snapchat and TikTok has the option for you to only allow friends you add to see your content, and Facebook lets you decide how much anyone can see on your account – friends included.

Having this kind of control and privacy can give you a peace of mind: the people you approve to follow your account are those you trust, and you don’t have to feel like you’re trying to get their approval all of the time. There’s also the safety aspect too: only having a few people have access to your information means that it’s less likely to get out and receive unwanted attention. Overall, there’s been an increase in demand from adolescents to make accounts automatically private for these reasons, alongside others.

Take finstas. While often regarded as a sillier private space, adolescents say that they feel more like their genuine selves and don’t hesitate to hit the “share” button because they’re comfortable with those following them. And while silly, they’re still a safe place. Queer adolescents have commented that having this separate account takes the weight off of their shoulders about receiving hateful comments or those they’re not close with speculating about their sexuality. 

While getting likes and comments may be validating, they can also be damaging to your mental health, leading you to compare yourself to others. Private accounts can offer a space to fully be yourself without worrying about these statistics and may increase your enjoyment on social media as a whole.


Are your accounts locked? Are there some that are unlocked and some that you keep completely private? How do you think limiting the people you have follow you impacts  your social media use?

Digital Overload

August 24, 2022 in Educate Yourself

How many devices do you have? Do you have a phone, laptop, tablet, and wearable? How about an ebook reader? How many social media accounts do you have? 

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If all those questions feel overwhelming, that’s because the amount of technology and social media accounts we own are. There are so many ways to be connected now, and the ways we can connect are constantly increasingly, and currently, this is out of necessity.

With most schools starting school remotely (and most workplaces continuing to be remote), your screen time has most likely skyrocketed, like, even more than it already has since the pandemic, and even before the pandemic started. The glare of the bright screens, the pressure to socialize and pay attention to important tasks all the time, and the lack of separation between work/school and home is probably getting to you, if it hasn’t already.

You may have likely heard of the negative effects of constantly being connected on electronic devices. There are the physical effects like trouble sleeping at night, but too much screen time can affect us mentally as well, like constantly making us compare ourselves to others and increased feelings of loneliness

Most of these studies and results come from adolescents using their devices and social media accounts for personal use, however. While there isn’t as much information about how attending school and/or work digitally can affect us, having to spend all this time online out of necessity is also going to affect us mentally. You may feel stressed to be working all the time and then feel guilty if you have to take a break, or you may find yourself comparing how school online is affecting you to what seems to be the perfect student in your online class acting as if being online is no big deal. You may find yourself frustrated and on edge at how one of your colleagues or peers is acting on video, or you may feel self-conscious from having to see your face on screen all the time. 

And if all that information feels overwhelming, that’s because it is.

So how do you manage all this technology and need to communicate online, especially when you have no choice but to constantly be online? First off, stepping away from screens is absolutely vital. Your school may have designated break times throughout the day, and while it’s tempting to go on your phone, try not to spend your time away from your computer screen focusing on a different screen. Those who work from home shouldn’t feel guilty if they need to take a few minutes away from their job and computer either. 

At least once an hour, try to get up and walk around whatever space is available near you. We also recommend that these mini-walks throughout the school and/or work day include doing something to better yourself, such as getting a glass of water in the kitchen or splashing cool water on your face. You also might want to use the mini-break to also clean up a small space around you to give you a better peace of mind. 

Realistically, we know it’s impossible to avoid your phone and/or watching TV when you’re done with work and school too (especially if you have to do homework online too). However, you might want to try designating certain times for your screen and certain times off, using the latter to possibly explore other hobbies to try! 

As we hit yet another transition as a result of COVID, we hope that you’re able to adjust and find a way to balance not just your professional and personal screen time, but the time for yourself offline too.


Has your screen time increased recently? Is your work or school currently remote and virtual? Have you been able to give yourself time offline? What recommendations do you have to taking breaks from your phone or computer?

The Act of Smiling

August 22, 2022 in Be Positive



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You might have heard the phrase that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. The amount of muscles that it takes is up for debate (some places say it takes 13 to smile and 33 to frown, some say 22 to smile and 37 to frown) and it’s not really a fact – it hasn’t even been proven to be true – but the mentality remains: it’s better to smile than it is to frown, and takes less effort.

Happiness itself isn’t a choice; mental illness can make it difficult to feel positive and happy, but just the act of smiling can make a difference. Just like deep breathing or going for a walk, this action sends messages to your brain to help lift up your mood. Laughing also has the same effect, but sometimes that can feel like too much effort at times (after all, forcing laughter can feel so awkward). Choosing to smile and making yourself lift the corners of your mouth upwards activates the release of hormones like dopamine and endorphins, which can make you feel better and combat stress.

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Then of course, there’s the common belief that smiling is also contagious. This goes both ways: by smiling, you might inspire someone around you, whether you know them or not, to feel a little happier and smile themselves, or you can surround yourself with people who have a smiley disposition and feel the effects of being around that.

It might seem silly to try smiling at nothing, but it can be a boost of energy and positivity by using just a few muscles (13, or 22, or whatever number it is depending on who you ask).


Have you ever tried smiling without any reason? What do you think of the idea? What makes you smile?



Why Self-Care Sometimes Isn’t Fun (and that’s a good thing)

August 8, 2022 in Be Positive

At first, “self-care” sounds pretty straightforward. You’re taking care of yourself and doing things that make you feel good about yourself. This is often associated with relaxing and the images of face masks, bath bombs, doing yoga, and reading with a cup of tea. Self-care can also include cleaning out your closet, watching your favorite show when work or homework gets too overwhelming, and, of course, “treating yourself.”

All of these things are completely valid forms of self-care (we’ve talked about a good majority of them too). However, while they feel great, self-care is not just about doing things that feel good but the actions you take to make sure your emotional, physical, and mental needs are being met so you can function and go about your daily routines as healthily as possible.

It’s one thing to take care of yourself and have a “me-day,” but while that feeling is great at the time, sometimes it’s only just a distraction from what’s really bothering you. And this is where self-care isn’t as fun. In order to meet those basic needs, you may have to confront the things that are upsetting you and causing mental strains that can lead to burnout, heightened anxiety, or explosions at other people from pent-up frustrations.  

Sometimes confronting these things and taking the steps to change habits and ways of thinking can be harder than we want to admit. Trying to change bad habits ranging from biting your nails to smoking are a form of self-care. Going to therapy and talking to a therapist about things you may have buried is a form of self-care. Making the effort to follow through with plans and socializing when you usually try to find ways to stay home instead is self-care. By tackling these barriers and working through things that can seem scary and difficult at first, you’re taking the steps forward in order to become a better you.

Self-care for everyone looks different. It can be both fun and terrifying. And to get a little cliche, self-care can be going out in a storm to see the rainbow that shines after.


What do you think self-care is? Have you ever had a difficult conversation or been in a difficult situation that you found actually helped you after?

Communicating during Conflict

July 1, 2022 in LINKS

In any type of relationship, conflicts are bound to happen. Having conflict sometimes isn’t necessarily a bad thing, some say it’s even healthy for a relationship. However, there are times during conflict where one may say something hurtful, mean, or insensitive, leading to unintended consequences. Effective communication, especially during conflict, can help both parties advocate for their needs while still respecting the other person. Here are some tips for effective communication during a conflict:

  • Focus on problem, not person
    • Focus on what they may be saying or doing (their actions), without attacking their character or who they are as an individual
    • Try to say “I felt upset when ‘x’ happened” instead of
    • “I don’t like how you always ‘x’ “
  • Use reflective listening
    • Repeat back what they say, like “It sounds like (summarize what they said)”
    • This can help show the other party that you are listening and trying to understand where they are come from
  • Use “I” statements
    • I statements help you avoid blaming, instead you are taking responsibility for your own feelings
    • I feel emotion word when explanation
    • Explanation: explain how others actions affected you
  • Know when to take a time out
    • Sometimes we need a 5 minute time-out to take a breather, especially when our emotions are running high. Try to communicate that you need a time-out with the other person and that you will revisit the situation when things feels less heightened.

Conflict, while sometimes unavoidable, can be understandably uncomfortable. With practice, effective communication can help transform the conflict into something both people learn and grow from.


What are some things that help you navigate conflict with others? Have you tried any of these techniques before? If so, what was it like?

Do Notifications Heighten Your Anxiety?

June 24, 2022 in LINKS, Social Media Guide

It could be a notification about anything: a text from your best friend, an email, or a DM on Instagram. No matter what it is, getting that alert via vibration and/or ding! can send a wave of brief panic through your body, even if it’s a trivial random news notification about five new recipes to try this week.

If you ever feel those anxious symptoms when you get a notification, you’re not alone. Although people are already constantly checking their phones and usually waiting for some sort of notification, actually receiving one can send the mind spiraling. There are tons of reasons that notifications can trigger these anxious feelings. For example, you might think that an incoming text means that you did something wrong and the person texting you is calling you out on something. An email could potentially be from a professor telling you you flunked an assignment or a rejection letter from somewhere that you had applied to. You might even get anxious over the fact that a notification could be your crush liking your recent Instagram post and what that implies.

Then there’s the other side to receiving notifications. Now that someone’s reached out to you, your mind may start worrying about how to respond. If it’s not someone you don’t talk to frequently, it can be even more stressful thinking about how you respond in order to maintain whatever relationship you want to have with them. What about timing? Now that you have received the notification, would it make sense to respond right away? What if that person responded to you hours after you reached out? What does that mean about your relationship?

These moments of panic that come with receiving notifications can be triggers of social anxiety and can cause catastrophic thinking. We worry about what someone potentially has to say to us, we worry about how to respond, we fear ruining a relationship, and so on, just because of a simple bubble that appears on our lock screen.

One easy solution to avoid these feelings can be to completely disable notifications. This is definitely a possibility – it’s been tried and studied before in a “Do Not Disturb” challenge where 30 people turned off alerts for a full 24 hours. While those who participated felt less distracted and checked their phones less often, they still felt some sort of anxiety about not just missing out on communicating with others, but also felt anxiety that they were missing important or urgent information.

Not unlike temporarily deactivating apps as a way of doing a mini social media cleanse, you can turn off notifications for certain apps. If you’re in a group chat that overwhelms you, you can put them on do not disturb and check it periodically. This doesn’t mean that you’re not receiving notifications, but what it does is gives you the power to look at, respond to, and process notifications at your own pace versus feeling rushed to do so all within that millisecond that you receive a push notification.

Notifications can be fun to receive, but they can not only cause stress, but keep you glued to your phone with the hopes that you’ll receive one. Disabling them, or even some, can help ease your mind and give you more control over your phone and social media usage.


Do you have notifications disabled for any of the major social media accounts that you use? How often do you check your phone? Do you feel anxious when you receive a notification, and if so, what do you get anxious about?