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Supporting Our Valued Adolescents: A place to learn, share your strength, be positive, and grow.

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by Moderator ★

Going Private

August 31, 2022 in Social Media Guide

You may think of two different things when you think about social media. You may think that social media makes everyone an open book, spilling all their secrets and sharing too much information so you know where they are, what they’re eating, and who they’re with at any given moment. You may alternatively think that social media is fake and controlled, and that people on social media only share what they think will get them the most attention.

Regardless, social media is a place where we know that almost any and everyone can see the content we create and share, and with that may come a need to make sure that they think what we put up is valid. It can be stressful to always think about pleasing everyone, and the fear that someone you don’t know as well (or don’t even know at all!) can find your content and respond with a negative comment can be anxiety-inducing.

Fortunately, most, if not nearly every social media platform comes with an option to go private, or at the very least, control who sees your profile and your accounts. Twitter and Instagram give you the ability to lock your account completely and limit who follows you, because you have to approve those who request to follow you. Snapchat and TikTok has the option for you to only allow friends you add to see your content, and Facebook lets you decide how much anyone can see on your account – friends included.

Having this kind of control and privacy can give you a peace of mind: the people you approve to follow your account are those you trust, and you don’t have to feel like you’re trying to get their approval all of the time. There’s also the safety aspect too: only having a few people have access to your information means that it’s less likely to get out and receive unwanted attention. Overall, there’s been an increase in demand from adolescents to make accounts automatically private for these reasons, alongside others.

Take finstas. While often regarded as a sillier private space, adolescents say that they feel more like their genuine selves and don’t hesitate to hit the “share” button because they’re comfortable with those following them. And while silly, they’re still a safe place. Queer adolescents have commented that having this separate account takes the weight off of their shoulders about receiving hateful comments or those they’re not close with speculating about their sexuality. 

While getting likes and comments may be validating, they can also be damaging to your mental health, leading you to compare yourself to others. Private accounts can offer a space to fully be yourself without worrying about these statistics and may increase your enjoyment on social media as a whole.

Are your accounts locked? Are there some that are unlocked and some that you keep completely private? How do you think limiting the people you have follow you impacts  your social media use?

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by Moderator ★

Digital Overload

August 24, 2022 in Educate Yourself

How many devices do you have? Do you have a phone, laptop, tablet, and wearable? How about an ebook reader? How many social media accounts do you have? 

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If all those questions feel overwhelming, that’s because the amount of technology and social media accounts we own are. There are so many ways to be connected now, and the ways we can connect are constantly increasingly, and currently, this is out of necessity.

With most schools starting school remotely (and most workplaces continuing to be remote), your screen time has most likely skyrocketed, like, even more than it already has since the pandemic, and even before the pandemic started. The glare of the bright screens, the pressure to socialize and pay attention to important tasks all the time, and the lack of separation between work/school and home is probably getting to you, if it hasn’t already.

You may have likely heard of the negative effects of constantly being connected on electronic devices. There are the physical effects like trouble sleeping at night, but too much screen time can affect us mentally as well, like constantly making us compare ourselves to others and increased feelings of loneliness. 

Most of these studies and results come from adolescents using their devices and social media accounts for personal use, however. While there isn’t as much information about how attending school and/or work digitally can affect us, having to spend all this time online out of necessity is also going to affect us mentally. You may feel stressed to be working all the time and then feel guilty if you have to take a break, or you may find yourself comparing how school online is affecting you to what seems to be the perfect student in your online class acting as if being online is no big deal. You may find yourself frustrated and on edge at how one of your colleagues or peers is acting on video, or you may feel self-conscious from having to see your face on screen all the time. 

And if all that information feels overwhelming, that’s because it is.

So how do you manage all this technology and need to communicate online, especially when you have no choice but to constantly be online? First off, stepping away from screens is absolutely vital. Your school may have designated break times throughout the day, and while it’s tempting to go on your phone, try not to spend your time away from your computer screen focusing on a different screen. Those who work from home shouldn’t feel guilty if they need to take a few minutes away from their job and computer either. 

At least once an hour, try to get up and walk around whatever space is available near you. We also recommend that these mini-walks throughout the school and/or work day include doing something to better yourself, such as getting a glass of water in the kitchen or splashing cool water on your face. You also might want to use the mini-break to also clean up a small space around you to give you a better peace of mind. 

Realistically, we know it’s impossible to avoid your phone and/or watching TV when you’re done with work and school too (especially if you have to do homework online too). However, you might want to try designating certain times for your screen and certain times off, using the latter to possibly explore other hobbies to try! 

As we hit yet another transition as a result of COVID, we hope that you’re able to adjust and find a way to balance not just your professional and personal screen time, but the time for yourself offline too.

Has your screen time increased recently? Is your work or school currently remote and virtual? Have you been able to give yourself time offline? What recommendations do you have to taking breaks from your phone or computer?

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by Moderator ★

The Act of Smiling

August 22, 2022 in Be Positive



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You might have heard the phrase that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. The amount of muscles that it takes is up for debate (some places say it takes 13 to smile and 33 to frown, some say 22 to smile and 37 to frown) and it’s not really a fact – it hasn’t even been proven to be true – but the mentality remains: it’s better to smile than it is to frown, and takes less effort.

Happiness itself isn’t a choice; mental illness can make it difficult to feel positive and happy, but just the act of smiling can make a difference. Just like deep breathing or going for a walk, this action sends messages to your brain to help lift up your mood. Laughing also has the same effect, but sometimes that can feel like too much effort at times (after all, forcing laughter can feel so awkward). Choosing to smile and making yourself lift the corners of your mouth upwards activates the release of hormones like dopamine and endorphins, which can make you feel better and combat stress.

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Then of course, there’s the common belief that smiling is also contagious. This goes both ways: by smiling, you might inspire someone around you, whether you know them or not, to feel a little happier and smile themselves, or you can surround yourself with people who have a smiley disposition and feel the effects of being around that.

It might seem silly to try smiling at nothing, but it can be a boost of energy and positivity by using just a few muscles (13, or 22, or whatever number it is depending on who you ask).

Have you ever tried smiling without any reason? What do you think of the idea? What makes you smile?



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by Moderator ★

Why Self-Care Sometimes Isn’t Fun (and that’s a good thing)

August 8, 2022 in Be Positive

At first, “self-care” sounds pretty straightforward. You’re taking care of yourself and doing things that make you feel good about yourself. This is often associated with relaxing and the images of face masks, bath bombs, doing yoga, and reading with a cup of tea. Self-care can also include cleaning out your closet, watching your favorite show when work or homework gets too overwhelming, and, of course, “treating yourself.”

All of these things are completely valid forms of self-care (we’ve talked about a good majority of them too). However, while they feel great, self-care is not just about doing things that feel good but the actions you take to make sure your emotional, physical, and mental needs are being met so you can function and go about your daily routines as healthily as possible.

It’s one thing to take care of yourself and have a “me-day,” but while that feeling is great at the time, sometimes it’s only just a distraction from what’s really bothering you. And this is where self-care isn’t as fun. In order to meet those basic needs, you may have to confront the things that are upsetting you and causing mental strains that can lead to burnout, heightened anxiety, or explosions at other people from pent-up frustrations.  

Sometimes confronting these things and taking the steps to change habits and ways of thinking can be harder than we want to admit. Trying to change bad habits ranging from biting your nails to smoking are a form of self-care. Going to therapy and talking to a therapist about things you may have buried is a form of self-care. Making the effort to follow through with plans and socializing when you usually try to find ways to stay home instead is self-care. By tackling these barriers and working through things that can seem scary and difficult at first, you’re taking the steps forward in order to become a better you.

Self-care for everyone looks different. It can be both fun and terrifying. And to get a little cliche, self-care can be going out in a storm to see the rainbow that shines after.

What do you think self-care is? Have you ever had a difficult conversation or been in a difficult situation that you found actually helped you after?

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by Moderator ★

Communicating during Conflict

July 1, 2022 in LINKS

In any type of relationship, conflicts are bound to happen. Having conflict sometimes isn’t necessarily a bad thing, some say it’s even healthy for a relationship. However, there are times during conflict where one may say something hurtful, mean, or insensitive, leading to unintended consequences. Effective communication, especially during conflict, can help both parties advocate for their needs while still respecting the other person. Here are some tips for effective communication during a conflict:

  • Focus on problem, not person
    • Focus on what they may be saying or doing (their actions), without attacking their character or who they are as an individual
    • Try to say “I felt upset when ‘x’ happened” instead of
    • “I don’t like how you always ‘x’ “
  • Use reflective listening
    • Repeat back what they say, like “It sounds like (summarize what they said)”
    • This can help show the other party that you are listening and trying to understand where they are come from
  • Use “I” statements
    • I statements help you avoid blaming, instead you are taking responsibility for your own feelings
    • I feel emotion word when explanation
    • Explanation: explain how others actions affected you
  • Know when to take a time out
    • Sometimes we need a 5 minute time-out to take a breather, especially when our emotions are running high. Try to communicate that you need a time-out with the other person and that you will revisit the situation when things feels less heightened.

Conflict, while sometimes unavoidable, can be understandably uncomfortable. With practice, effective communication can help transform the conflict into something both people learn and grow from.

What are some things that help you navigate conflict with others? Have you tried any of these techniques before? If so, what was it like?

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by Moderator ★

Do Notifications Heighten Your Anxiety?

June 24, 2022 in LINKS, Social Media Guide

It could be a notification about anything: a text from your best friend, an email, or a DM on Instagram. No matter what it is, getting that alert via vibration and/or ding! can send a wave of brief panic through your body, even if it’s a trivial random news notification about five new recipes to try this week.

If you ever feel those anxious symptoms when you get a notification, you’re not alone. Although people are already constantly checking their phones and usually waiting for some sort of notification, actually receiving one can send the mind spiraling. There are tons of reasons that notifications can trigger these anxious feelings. For example, you might think that an incoming text means that you did something wrong and the person texting you is calling you out on something. An email could potentially be from a professor telling you you flunked an assignment or a rejection letter from somewhere that you had applied to. You might even get anxious over the fact that a notification could be your crush liking your recent Instagram post and what that implies.

Then there’s the other side to receiving notifications. Now that someone’s reached out to you, your mind may start worrying about how to respond. If it’s not someone you don’t talk to frequently, it can be even more stressful thinking about how you respond in order to maintain whatever relationship you want to have with them. What about timing? Now that you have received the notification, would it make sense to respond right away? What if that person responded to you hours after you reached out? What does that mean about your relationship?

These moments of panic that come with receiving notifications can be triggers of social anxiety and can cause catastrophic thinking. We worry about what someone potentially has to say to us, we worry about how to respond, we fear ruining a relationship, and so on, just because of a simple bubble that appears on our lock screen.

One easy solution to avoid these feelings can be to completely disable notifications. This is definitely a possibility – it’s been tried and studied before in a “Do Not Disturb” challenge where 30 people turned off alerts for a full 24 hours. While those who participated felt less distracted and checked their phones less often, they still felt some sort of anxiety about not just missing out on communicating with others, but also felt anxiety that they were missing important or urgent information.

Not unlike temporarily deactivating apps as a way of doing a mini social media cleanse, you can turn off notifications for certain apps. If you’re in a group chat that overwhelms you, you can put them on do not disturb and check it periodically. This doesn’t mean that you’re not receiving notifications, but what it does is gives you the power to look at, respond to, and process notifications at your own pace versus feeling rushed to do so all within that millisecond that you receive a push notification.

Notifications can be fun to receive, but they can not only cause stress, but keep you glued to your phone with the hopes that you’ll receive one. Disabling them, or even some, can help ease your mind and give you more control over your phone and social media usage.

Do you have notifications disabled for any of the major social media accounts that you use? How often do you check your phone? Do you feel anxious when you receive a notification, and if so, what do you get anxious about?

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by Moderator ★

BIPOC-Focused Mental Health Instagram Accounts to Follow

June 17, 2022 in LINKS

Social Media can sometimes feel like the “bad place”: a never-ending cycle of comparison and feeling left out. And while apps like Instagram can be entities that negatively affect our mental health, they sometimes can serve as resources too. Mental Health Instagram accounts are increasingly popular and can offer an accessible, safe space to get digestible information on mental health and resources. Here are several that are specifically tailored to Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC).

  • Therapy for Black Girls: @therapyforblackgirls
    • A resource site with thousands of Black therapists that offer in-office or virtual services.
    • Therapy for Black Girls also has podcasts, an internet community space called Sister Circle (requires a small monthly fee), and much more.
  • Inclusive Therapists: @inclusivetherapists
    • A group dedicated to being inclusive of all identities. They periodically offer funds to support free mental health care for BIPOC
  • Black Mental Wellness Corp @blackmentalwellness
    • A DC based group that aims to destigmatize mental health. They also provide a list of mental health resources for the Black community here
  • Latinx Therapist Network: @latinxtherapy
    • Offer a directory of Latinx therapists along with bilingual podcasts
  • Steel Smiling: @steelsmilingpgh
    • a Pittsburgh collective working to improve awareness and access to mental health resources. They have trained community advocates and introduced a Black Mental Health Fund to support access to therapy.

Please note that this is not an exhaustive list, and that these accounts are not a substitute for therapy. However, they can serve as great resources and a welcoming online space.

Do you know of/follow these accounts? What are other social media accounts for BIPOC do you recommend?

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by Moderator ★

The Power of “Both/And”

May 27, 2022 in LINKS

How often have we found ourselves saying “either…or”?

  • Either I support this person or take care of myself
  • Either I feel grief or relief
  • Either I succeed or fail

When we find ourselves caught in this “either/or”, it can feel like we are being pulled in two opposite directions. If we believe only one or the other can exist, it can make us feel conflicted, guilty, and anxious.

Enter “Both/And”. “Both/And” is a popular DBT technique that essentially replaces the “but” with an “and”. “Both/And” means “two or multiple things can be true at once”. It also means accepting everyone’s emotional experiences are different and that’s okay.

It seems so simple, and yet it can make a huge difference in how we approach our thoughts and feelings.

“Both/And” allows us to accept ourselves and give ourselves grace. Human emotions are complex, and multiple, seemingly opposite, concepts can exist at once. “Both/And” recognizes these complexities and holds room for the variety of our experiences. This means you can feel joy and sadness and have both emotions be valid. “Both/And” can be an effective tool to challenge all-or-nothing thinking. It helps break the dichotomy of either/or and opposites.

Like most habits, it can feel rusty at first replacing “either/or” statements with “both/and”. AND, as you practice, you may surprise yourself with how quickly it catches on. If you find yourself engaging in All-or-Nothing thinking, or saying “either/or”, here are a few statements that you can ask yourself to encourage both/and:

  • “Can both of these be true?”
  • “Can I feel multiple things at once?”
  • “Is it possible that this other person’s pain doesn’t mean I have to be ok right now?”
  • “Can I notice what I’m experiencing without judgment?”

Have you heard of “Both/And” before? What are some ways you can incorporate it in your daily life? How might “Both/And” be helpful for you or those you know?

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The South Asian Sexual and Mental Health Alliance

May 20, 2022 in LINKS

For Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Month, we wanted to highlight the South Asian Sexual and Mental Health Alliance (SASMHA) today. The organization was developed to specifically provide resources and fight the cultural stigma that South Asian youths (who also referred to themselves as “desis”) face when it comes to various topics, including mental health.

The website has several features for young South Asians to explore, such as a podcast and workshops that they (or anyone!) may want to implement in their community spaces. Another feature includes several candid stories from South Asian youths about their mental health, from topics such as coping with COVID, eating disorders, and recovering from trauma. They also have compiled an extensive list of South Asian-specific mental health resources at both a national and local level.

Check out the website here!

Do you identify as South Asian? What stigmas do you face in your life about mental health and any other topics? How does this affect you?

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Music, Social Media, and Image

May 19, 2022 in Social Media Guide

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Music is an extension of ourselves and a way to not only express but figure out our identity. Studies have shown that adolescents listen to more music than any other age group and use it to help shape their self-image, as different music genres often carry a niche culture and aesthetic.

Research has also shown that adolescents use music as a way to connect with others and make friends with those who have similar tastes. Social media is one way for people to bond over their music preferences.

Using social media to find out what your peers are listening to isn’t new: MySpace was known for being the place to discover and hear other’s music taste online. Not only would aspiring bands and artists post their content there (think of musicians like Panic at the Disco and Taylor Swift), but users could include a playlist of their current favorite songs that was visible on their page. Of course, aspiring musicians can also use sites like Soundcloud ,  YouTube, Bandcamp, and even TikTok to post their original works.

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Nowadays, social media sites allow users to post what music they listen to as a Facebook status or play a song snippet over their Instagram story. Even Spotify counts as social media: Spotify gives you the option to add friends through your Facebook contacts, so they can see what you’re listening to in real-time. Spotify Wrapped has gained immense popularity over the past few years, where users can share the highlights of their listening sessions over the year on their social media.

Listening to music is a deeply personal act. Sometimes, we might fear judgment from others for our music preferences. Curating what people see can be similar to picking and choosing what we wear in public; it’s a piece of our image. Publicizing our music interests can be anxiety-inducing. Some might have a genre that they’re embarrassed of or that isn’t very popular with their friends. Some may be indifferent to sharing, while others may find it enjoyable. Some may even turn this feature off entirely and listen to their music without others knowing, such as Spotify’s “private” listening option.

The public and private feeds on Spotify shed light on how people can alter how they listen to music based on how others perceive them. It’s much easier said than done not to care about how people view your music tastes. At the same time, music can be a powerful tool that boosts our mood or even help us heal. It’s natural to fear judgment, and what feels or sounds good to you is what matters most. 

If anything, if you want to expand your taste in music outside of Spotify’s Discover Weekly, the friend feed could be a great option to find some new songs.

If you use Spotify, do you have the friends on your feed? Do you look at what others are listening to, or do you think others are looking at yours? Why do you think some people judge each other’s music tastes so harshly? Does music play a role in how you may relate to friends?

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