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by moonblue

white background with a yellow umbrella over text with rain in the background. The text reads Take Care of Yourself.

What is self-care?

October 9, 2024 in Educate Yourself

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NOTE: Post originally written in January 2018 by contributor moonblue

You may have heard the term “self-care” being used on social media or in interactions with other people. It’s an idea that has only recently become popular.

I have seen arguments both for and against self-care. Some people believe it’s a selfish fad that emphasizes narcissistic behaviors and attitudes, because of the focus on “self.” But if you think about it, a lot of people our age, especially girls, have been trained to take care of other people before we take care of ourselves.

One primary purpose of self-care is to set boundaries, recharge yourself, and establish disciplines that help you be happier, more relaxed, and better able to function in your relationships with other people.

I have anxiety that is present pretty much all the time. In order to be the best person I can be, I have adopted self-care practices to help me let go of some of that anxiety at the end of each day.

So, what exactly is self-care?

Self-care is dedicating time in your busy schedule to do things that make you better able to live up to your responsibilities and also to enjoy your life. If you Google “self-care,” most of the examples that you’ll find online include relaxation techniques, like doing facial masks and listening to meditation music. They include buying lots of stuff for yourself—scented candles, bath bombs, makeup … basically indulging in consumerist self-gratification.

However, many other articles and people in their comments sections list examples of self-care routines that are behaviors and choices—such as not just driving, but driving with the windows down so you can feel and smell the air. Or taking a long and peaceful hike through nature, without your earbuds in, or maybe without your phone at all. Self-care doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Depending on your energy level, and if you really dedicate yourself to the process over time, self-care can actually be quite an active process.

My self-care routine is pretty simple. When I get home after classes, I like to give myself some alone-time before going out with my friends or boyfriend. I enjoy spending time by myself. Choosing to be by myself helps reduce my anxiety level. I relax on my bed and watch YouTube videos of beauty bloggers or comedians while I send out some texts and play around with the apps on my phone.

Other days, I go to my bookshelf and read some books that I haven’t gotten to yet. It may seem incredibly simple or boring to some, but these choices help me release my anxiety, and they make me feel a lot better. I frequently feel refreshed afterwards and ready to go out, or to stay in and study some more.

Here is a link to a cool website called Tiny Buddha that has a list of things you can do for self-care for body, mind, and spirit.

What has been your idea of self-care? Is it easy or hard for you to do things to take care of yourself and your mental health? What are some of your self-care routines that you’d recommend to others? Leave your comments below!

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by moonblue

Back to Journaling

August 26, 2020 in Educate Yourself

I have had a complicated relationship with journaling all my life. Starting in elementary school and through early middle school, I was a pretty consistent journaler. I filled two journals within a few years, and wrote about once a week. The entries were hilarious to read back on; mostly they were just gushing over a boy I had a crush on or outlining what I did with my friend that day. 

After those early middle school years, I pretty much abandoned journaling. Occasionally, if I was going through a particularly tough day, I would type up how I was feeling in a Word document, but never actually picked up a physical journal. 

A few weeks before I had to return back to work from quarantine, (we reopened at the start of the yellow phase) I decided to give journaling another try. It’s been two and a half months since then, and I have been the most consistent with it since my middle school journaling days. In the beginning, I was journaling every day, but now that I am back to work at full time hours, I do not always have the time or motivation. However, I am happy to say I have journaled at least once a week the past two and a half months. 

Although it can be daunting, and sometimes not what you feel like doing, this experience has really taught me the importance of journaling. It is something I’ve heard a lot (and I’m sure you have too!) from articles, therapists, and others along the way, but still never felt motivated enough. I am so glad I was able to find that motivation eventually, because I have learned a lot about myself. 

I always knew that I experienced pretty extreme mood swings from day to day, but my experience with consistent journaling really opened my eyes to just how often. Something that I brushed off the day before was harped on as something that deeply hurt me the very next day. It was interesting and enlightening to follow these changes. 

Although I used to prefer typing out what I was feeling because it was more comfortable, there is a large benefit to using pen and paper, as my therapist always told me. It is more therapeutic and there is less of a chance of deleting your thoughts or sentences, making it more of a genuine release of emotions. 

If you are on the fence about journaling, I encourage you to try it out, even if it is just each day for one week. Another thing that helps me feel motivated is the journal itself. I like the look of mine now – a sleek black notebook with a typewriter on the cover – and have also been shopping around for a higher quality hardcover journal. If you are excited about the look of your journal, you will be more likely to want to use it.

Another journal I have been using is the One Line A Day journal. You reflect on your day, every day, for five years. This motivates you to write every day, even if it is just one line. It is now a habit of mine, and is typically the last thing I do before I go to bed at night. It also makes me look forward to seeing my entries in the future and looking back at what my life was like day-to-day through the five years. 

Do you journal? How often? Has it opened your eyes to anything about yourself? Feel free to share below!

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by moonblue

Healing while Dating

July 29, 2020 in Educate Yourself

I was in an off-on again relationship for three years, and the ties were only completely severed seven months ago. During the off-periods, I would turn to dating apps and try to distract myself from thoughts of my ex. As I’m sure you can imagine, it would never go well, and I always found myself crying as soon as it was over and I was home.

At the beginning of May, I felt ready to try again. I had not spoken to my ex in five months, and desired to find someone new. I rejoined all the dating apps, and went on quite a few social distanced walk dates around my local park.

I connected with someone pretty early on, and we have been seeing each other since. The experience has been entirely new for me, and I’ve been learning new things each day.

I have been fortunate thus far in the fact that whenever I began dating again after a breakup, I was always fully ready to date again and could allow myself to be fully focused on the other person. This time in my life, however, is quite different. Although I have healed a good bit, I still have more healing to do. I keep reminding myself that there is no timeline or deadline on healing.

After two months of seeing each other around once a week, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I immediately panicked. I did not feel ready to commit to him fully, but also wanted to keep seeing him. I took some time and gently told him that I was not ready to be in a serious relationship, and it would not be fair to him if I did agree, as I do not believe I would be a supportive and stable girlfriend to have at this point in my life.

He did not take it well, and expressed confusion in my decision. I took this moment to open up about my past abuse with my ex, and explained that I was still in the beginning of my healing journey. He is working on understanding this, especially since he has not experienced a breakup before, or had a romantic relationship in the past. We agreed to continue seeing each other, and be open and honest about how we are feeling.

I have had to show myself an incredible amount of self-love while I am entering back into the dating world during active healing. This includes being easy on myself during this time, and not being frustrated whenever I am having negative feelings or thinking about my ex.

If you are healing from an ex, it is totally normal to think about them when you are with others. If you are constantly thinking about them, it is probably not time to date others yet. But if they pop up in your head from time to time, that is okay and normal to the healing process. This happens to me especially in moments of intimacy, which is something I discuss in therapy often.

Every day is a learning process, and I know that one day I will be ready to be in a relationship with someone else, no matter how long it takes to heal.

Have you ever been in relationships (whether romantic or platonic) that have affected your other ones? Have you ever opened up to someone you’re dating or are close friends with about hurt you’ve felt from others in the past?

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by moonblue

Coming to Terms with a Fractured Parent Relationship

June 30, 2020 in Educate Yourself

As long as I can remember, my mother and I have had a rocky relationship. We would have long stretches of times without any fights, and then out of nowhere, a fight would erupt and we’d go weeks or months without speaking to each other. Most of this occurred whenever I was in high school, but our problems never completely went away. 

For many years, I kept my mother at an emotional distance. I learned from an early age that she would use my vulnerabilities as ammo during arguments, so I held a lot from her. I kept romantic relationships from her, skimmed over friendships, and summarized my life so that it remained vague and void of emotion. 

The last handful of months, I decided to slowly let my mom in again. We hadn’t fought for a while, and were talking more frequently. I began to open up more. I shared the story of the toxic relationship that I was in for a few years, one she was unaware of completely. I told her stories of my friends, shared my doubts about my job. It felt incredibly nice to share my life with her, and was something I hadn’t desired in a while.

Last weekend, I was visiting home and a fight between my mother and I began out of nowhere. It didn’t take long for it to become intense, and before I knew it, she was verbally abusing me and using harmful words like she used to do in the past. I saw her old self form in front of me, leaving the mom that I had grown closer to these past few months in the dust. 

In a previous article, I mentioned that I had begun therapy a bit over a year ago because of an abusive relationship I was in. My therapist helped me realize that I continually went back to my boyfriend because of my past with my mother. Both of them would shower me with love, just to take it all away in an instant with incredibly hurtful words and immense verbal abuse. With both of them, I experienced an on-off again relationship that left me vulnerable and constantly feeling unloved and unworthy. 

My therapist and I have worked in the past on setting boundaries between my mother and I. When I began getting closer to her the last couple of months, my therapist was kind but did warn that I should tread lightly and keep up my boundaries if possible. I will be the first to admit that I ignored her warning, since being open and close to my mom was too difficult to resist. After this experience, I learned the hard way that my therapist was correct and I am now accepting the fact that to improve my mental health and stability, I need to keep my mom at a distance, both physically and emotionally.

Currently, we are not speaking to each other and most likely, will not for a while. I am using this time away to educate myself on what I have been through. I have purchased some books on the topic of abusive mothers, and began journaling daily about my feelings. It has been difficult, but I find that these coping methods make me feel better and hopefully will aid in my journey of healing.

How is your relationship with your parents? Do you experience any disconnect with family members? Feel free to share below.

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by moonblue

Going Back to Work

June 17, 2020 in COVID-19, Educate Yourself

Last Wednesday, I received a phone call from my boss that my business was opening back up on Tuesday and I’d be starting back up at full time, just like before I left. I couldn’t believe it; I had been furloughed during the COVID-19 crisis and had just hit two months of being unemployed.

In the beginning of quarantine, I was struggling. I was used to my busy routine and was not ready to try and fill endless days ahead. I found myself feeling depressed, lonely, and the most bored I have ever been. My roommate was the only other human I saw for weeks and although we get along well, I was missing the rest of my friends and my family. Mentally, I was pretty low. I was focusing a lot on things that happened to me in the past, specifically the bad parts of a toxic relationship I got out of about six months ago that I am still healing from. 

After a while, I became more and more comfortable with my new normal. I took a long walk each day, and would set new small walking goals so that by the end of quarantine, I was able to walk 10 miles. I dove into a full daily skincare routine that I wouldn’t normally be able to do during my work week. I was calling friends and family more often and felt more connected. The last two weeks of it, I even began to enjoy it. 

So, when I received news I would be starting back at my pre-quarantine life in just six days, I had mixed emotions. At first, I was actually disappointed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to take long walks in the sun anymore, or have as much time for selfcare. But, I was also excited. It felt like the first step in the world returning to normal, or at least as normal as it can be. 

I am now back at work and I still have mixed feelings. During my time of quarantine, I did a lot of healing. I started journaling which I haven’t done in years, and it was incredibly therapeutic. I wrote about my struggles openly, and did not hold back or filter any of my thoughts, even if it involved painful topics. During the final two weeks of quarantine, I felt like I was making great progress. My therapist told me she could tell I had gained more of a sense of self, which is something we have been working on for over a year now in our sessions. 

Prior to quarantine, I pushed a lot down. I didn’t ever allow myself to think about my toxic relationship, during it and especially after. Any time my ex popped into my head, which was many times during the day, I did everything I could to block those thoughts. I did not reflect on the emotional abuse that I went through. During quarantine, I allowed myself to reflect and more importantly, to feel. This resulted in many tears and lots of heartache, but it felt incredible to release it openly and not repress it. Whenever I allowed myself to do this, it felt like I was breaking down a wall. 

My goal now that I am back is to continue working on this progress. If I feel an emotion that I don’t want to feel, I am going to work on not pushing it down immediately and finding distractions. I want to continue journaling, and taking long walks on the weekends. I feel overwhelmed at the moment with being thrown back into a busy job, but I am excited that the world is healing, just like I will continue to do.

Do you have a job that you have to start back soon and how are you feeling about it? How did you take care of yourself during quarantine? Feel free to share below!

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by moonblue

Body Image During Quarantine

May 6, 2020 in COVID-19, Educate Yourself

The blog post includes mentions of eating disorders and body dysmorphia. Please read with caution if any of these items triggers or upsets you.

I have always had an interesting relationship with my body. I’ve found that I go through periods during my life where I am incredibly body confident and love what I see in the mirror, and I also experience periods of self-doubt where I dread looking at myself and my body.

Despite some off weeks, I’ve been pretty strong in my body positivity since finishing high school and conquering a battle with anorexia. During high school, I hid my eating disorder pretty well, at least for a while. I didn’t eat during the day at all, and allowed my one meal of the day to be dinner so that my family did not question it. I’d eat about half as much as they would, and if asked, would say I was not hungry or had snacked after school. I learned to distract and deflect well to hide the fact I was not eating much.

After a few peers asked me at school if I had anorexia, after I had lost 40 pounds – bringing me into the double digits, I began to panic. This, along with the painful chest aches and loss of my period for a year encouraged me to seek help. However, I still wanted to keep it as private as I could, so I sought help online through others.

I began following people with different body types, which was wildly different from my social media feeds that were full of thin individuals who used hashtags like “thinspo” regularly. I indulged in forums of people recovering from eating disorders and reminded myself that I wanted to live, that I did not want this illness to take my life prematurely.

I have been lucky. The road was difficult of course, and I did have a few relapse days, but my recovery was smoother than most. Within a few months, I was eating regularly and gained weight where it was needed. After 4 months of eating normally, I got my period back. I began to see my body differently and treated it with love and respect. I loved the curves I saw in the mirror and no longer wanted to lose weight. In fact, I enjoyed the way the weight gain made my body look. I felt more confident than I ever have before.

This past winter, I hit a bit of a roadblock. I was lucky to not experience many setbacks when it came to my past eating disorder in the last four years – but this November was different.

I contracted a digestive disorder which along with stomach pains and uncomfortable bathroom changes, gave me a consistently bloated stomach. I hated what I saw in the mirror and felt my thoughts returning to where they were many years ago as a scared high schooler. My stomach protruded over whatever I wore; even wearing compression pants could not hide the ever-present bump.

The disorder I have does not have an easy cure and is something that people typically have for years and can even be lifelong. This news has been difficult to handle, especially for someone who has reached recovery from a past eating disorder.

I began restricting my eating, initially to avoid the stomach pain and then once following a doctor’s plan to ease some stomach pain, I was restricting to try to lose weight. Additionally, I became obsessive with exercise, as I did when I was anorexic.

It took me a month or so to realize that I was losing weight, but not where I wanted to. My stomach remained the same, but I lost weight in places I wanted the weight, like my arms and legs. It came to a head when I visited my parents in February after not seeing them for a month and one of the first things my dad said to me was that I looked a lot thinner, especially in my arms.

From the way he said it, it did not sound like a compliment, as I already had bony arms and legs to begin with. It brought me right back to my junior year of high school when a boy in the cafeteria asked why I was so thin, and said his friend told him I looked like an anorexic. The fear came rushing back, and it made me realize I was letting myself go down that same dark road.

The past two months have been difficult on my body image with being in quarantine. During my normal routine, I kept very busy with work and socializing and didn’t spend much time looking in the mirror. Now that I am seeing myself and my body all day every day, I am hyper-focused on what my body looks like. It is something I have not experienced for years.

Despite the new challenge, I am incredibly grateful that I have not been restricting myself during this time. I eat whenever I feel hungry, and I am exercising but for healthy motives, not to see the scale go down. I am still battling with the thoughts and seeing myself differently, but I am making sure to consume positive media to help reaffirm body positivity. Whether it is a body positive YouTuber or my best friend holding me accountable, I have found a bit more peace in my situation and in my body.

During this time in quarantine where we are spending a lot more time with ourselves and our thoughts, it is important to replace any toxic messages with positive ones. One of my friends during this time did a social media cleanse where she unfollowed any accounts that made her feel insecure or doubt herself. She did research and followed body positive and self-love accounts so that all her feeds were filled with positivity and self-affirmation.

It can be difficult, but you must show yourself love and respect during this time. Remember, we are living through a pandemic, and it is important to take care of yourself in the healthiest possible ways.

Are there any accounts that you follow to provide positivity in your day-to-day life? How have you been practicing self-love during quarantine? Please feel free to share below!

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by moonblue

Taking Up a New Hobby: Cooking

March 23, 2020 in Be Positive

I have never liked cooking. I would always stick to simple meals, usually just chicken and rice, to get me through the week. I thought that cooking was way too time-consuming, and I dreaded the cleanup. 

Recently, I got a chance to try out what it is like to cook a new dinner each night of the week. My friend had a subscription to the meal service HelloFresh, and gave me a free trial which sent me a week’s worth of food. 

At first, I wasn’t excited to have a bunch of meals to cook. I had asked a friend over so her and my roommate could help me cook, so it would go more quickly and I’d hopefully be less likely to mess up the recipe. 

My friends and I made lemon tortellini, and along with being delicious, it was surprisingly fun to make. I got to experience chopping and mincing up vegetables and creating sauces, which I’ve never really done before. Some steps were challenging, but I found myself enjoying the challenge. I was learning not only new ways to prepare food, but new additions to food that can bring out the flavor in your meals. 

For example, most of my recipes included cooked scallion whites and uncooked scallion greens, which I discovered I loved. They added an interesting and subtle flavor to the recipes, and inspired me to grab them the next time I go to the grocery store. 

The process of cooking was a ton of fun; I really enjoyed chatting alongside my friends and seeing the meal start to come together. I even cooked two of the recipes on my own, and didn’t mind it one bit.

My roommate enjoyed our cooking nights together so much that she is ordering the subscription service herself. Although this may sound like an advertisement, I promise it is not, I just want to encourage you to try something you normally wouldn’t and see if you enjoy it. I found myself actually looking forward to getting home and starting my next meal, whereas before, I would avoid cooking at all costs. 

During this time of uncertainty with a lot of people having to stay home for weeks, it is helpful to explore hobbies and interests, whether those are ones that you already have or taking up a new one, like cooking. It can be difficult for those who have a mental illness to stay inside for long periods of time, because they are more likely to be in their head with all the extra free time. I know for me, I struggle staying home and am usually doing something most nights of the week to keep busy.

I would encourage those who are staying home these next few weeks to think about exploring activities they normally would not and are able to do from home. You never know what new interest you might pick up!

Do you have any hobbies that make you feel better? Are there any interests you have been wanting to try out? Feel free to share below! 

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by moonblue

What to Do when a Toxic Person Tries to Come Back

February 25, 2020 in Educate Yourself

Last night, my roommate stood in the doorway of my room and asked for my advice. It was her birthday, and on the heels of a recent breakup of her long-term relationship, she was struggling. Her ex had not reached out and she wanted to text him. I reminded her that texting him would make her feel worse, since the response that she would receive would not make her feel any better. 

I went through the cycle I usually do in order to encourage her, but at the end of the day, they are just words. After I had finished my spiel, she asked, “What can I do?” She didn’t want encouraging words – she wanted an action to help her cope. 

Since I am in a similar spot, I had a few different options for her and figured it would be a good idea to share them here if anyone else is in a situation like one of ours. 

Our situations are slightly different: she desires to reach out to someone who is toxic to her that she has not heard from, and I have been trying to ignore a toxic person reaching out to me. However, at the core of it, we are trying to ignore the urge to bring a toxic person back into our lives. 

I have been going through a painful breakup of a long term partner who was incredibly toxic and verbally abused me constantly. Although I can acknowledge that this person should not be in my life, it is still difficult when he is reaching out and wanting to see me. In these moments, I think about the good times that we had and let that overshadow the abuse that I went through. 

For the last two months or so, I have rejected four invitations from my toxic ex to meet up and reconnect. Here is how I did it: 

Write

Write to yourself, write to them, or just write freely. Do not worry about proofreading or making it sound cohesive. Write exactly what you are feeling as you are feeling it. The first time that I turned down going out with my ex, I wrote down how I was feeling and reminded myself in the letter how bad he was for me. During this time, I played songs that we used to listen to together and let myself cry as I listened and wrote. It was painful, but it was a necessary release, and it kept me from letting a toxic person back into my life. 

Talk to a friend, or if possible, meet face-to-face

As soon as you feel the urge to reach out to someone you shouldn’t be reaching out to, talk to someone healthy in your life. Tell them how you are feeling, and make sure it is someone you feel safe and supported in venting to. If it is possible, meet up with a friend in person. You will be focused on them instead of the toxic person you are thinking about reconnecting with. Also, your friend(s) will be able to remind you why you should stay away and hopefully be able to focus your mind on more positive things. 

Reach out to your therapist 

A few times, when my ex reached out to me, I texted my therapist right away to tell her. She coached me through and encouraged me not to interact, or to turn down the invitation if that would make me feel better. Additionally, it made me feel proud to let her know that I had turned down the toxic person who initially brought me into therapy. Sharing that progress is an amazing feeling! 

Indulge in something special

Consider this your moment to treat yourself to something you normally wouldn’t. Pick up dinner from your favorite restaurant (or have it delivered!) or buy that thing you’ve been eyeing up online all week. This is the time to show yourself some love and do things for you that will make you feel your best.

Have you ever had a toxic person in your life try to come back? How did you handle it? Do you have any tips for keeping them away? Feel free to share below!

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by moonblue

Conquering a Fear

January 28, 2020 in Educate Yourself

I used to be a fearless driver. In high school, I was the friend who picked everyone up and drove us to wherever we wanted to go. I would frequently drive hours in different areas of the state or surrounding states to visit friends and just explore. I loved driving and it was where I felt the most calm.

Two summers ago, I was driving and out of nowhere, I was hit with a wave of anxiety. I felt incredibly light-headed and my hands began to sweat. I thought I was going to pass out behind the wheel and crash my car. I didn’t know what was happening at the time, but this was my first panic attack.

I’ve had bouts of anxiety before this moment: the racing heart, the clammy hands – but this was my first experience with such an overwhelming and uncontrollable fear that made me feel like I was dying. Over the next few weeks, I experienced this panic each time that I drove. No matter what I tried to do to calm myself, I still felt paralyzed with fear every time I sat behind the wheel.

It began to consume my life and I finally brought it up in therapy. She recommended I conquer my fear – by driving more often and to more places to normalize it. I did not take her advice. In fact, I gave up driving altogether for a semester.

The last few months, I have gradually been driving more and more. I have driven routes I usually avoid and made it beyond the short radius I’d usually box myself in if I did make it to my car. On one of my long drives into the city from visiting my parents, I decided on making a resolution for the new year to drive to work once in a while. Prior to this, I was taking the bus which was 50 minutes while the drive is about 20.

The first time I drove downtown to work, I was pretty nervous, but I was not paralyzed with fear at any point. For a few weeks, I drove two days a week – Mondays and Fridays. I began to feel comfortable enough to drive the majority of days, weather permitting. Now, I drive to work every day and have been for the last three weeks. It is a massive life change for me, as this time last year, I would bus or Uber to anywhere I was unfamiliar with, even if it was a mere five minutes away.

Conquering this fear took time, but most importantly, it took monitoring my mental health. I did not force myself into driving when I did not feel ready. I waited until I felt confident enough to take on the roads, and worked my way up from there. Conquering a fear takes continuous work as well, since it can definitely come back and it is important to remember that if it does, it can be conquered again.

Are there any fears you would like to conquer? Have you ever overcome a fear? Feel free to share in the comments below!

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by moonblue

Resolutions for 2020

December 30, 2019 in Be Positive

The question caught me off guard:

“What is your New Year’s resolution?”

I was holding a holiday drink up to my mouth, about to take a sip when I stopped. The Christmas music in the pop-up bar seemed to fade away. I looked at my friend who asked me expectantly, and I didn’t respond for a while. 

Immediately, I thought, “successfully get over my ex-boyfriend” but I didn’t like that answer. I know that healing takes time and although a year is a long time, it seemed cruel to tell myself I had to move on from someone who was in my life for quite a few years by a certain date. 

Instead, I should say, “go on more dates, or at least, consider going on more dates.” This is a more attainable goal and is a healthier mindset than “you must get over this person.” That resolution feels kinder to myself, which is something that my therapist would suggest should be my resolution for 2020. 

Resolutions are meant to inspire and challenge you to be a healthier you, whether that is physically, mentally, emotionally, or a mix of all three. But it is important that your resolutions practice kindness to yourself. For example, instead of saying, “I need to lose 15 pounds to look better” you could say, “I would like to make healthier lifestyle choices so my body feels better and boosts my confidence.” 

I ended up telling my friend that I was not sure yet, but I would definitely be thinking about it and report back. I’ve been pondering it for the last day now and have come up with a few small attainable resolutions that fit the healthier mindset I have been trying to achieve. 

I want to be more consistent with healthier eating and exercising. 

This is the first time in my life I have ever practiced healthy eating and exercise that was not motivated by an unhealthy motive. About three months ago, my roommate unexpectedly got broken up with by a long term partner and vowed the next day to begin a healthier lifestyle, and it inspired me immensely. Pretty soon, I was tagging along on her 5-mile hikes and making smoothies with her for dinner. For two weeks, I was fully immersed and did at least 4 miles of walking each day along with consuming only healthy products. I found it to be very beneficial, yet definitely difficult to maintain. 

As the weather gets colder, I am more likely to hibernate and I have been pretty sick off and on since the weather has shifted which makes it difficult to find the motivation to exercise. When it comes to healthy eating, it can be challenging to be consistent as well. I find that my grocery bills are much higher, and I have to shop once a week. Prior to this lifestyle shift, I strictly did a once a month haul which was mainly boxes of pasta and frozen meals, and the total was always pretty low. Now, I run out of food completely by Day 6 or 7 since I am consuming only perishables. So, eating healthier requires more time and money, but despite that challenge, I love the way that I feel in this healthier lifestyle. I am motivated for 2020 to keep up with this change. 

Be more supportive with my friends who are in relationships. 

My biggest flaw, and something I am actively working on, is that I am pretty bitter because of past relationships gone sour. Because of this, I really struggle with close friends sharing things like their long term partner surprising them with something sweet or an exceptional first date a friend went on. I always listen and ask questions, but I want to be able to feel genuinely happy for them and not jealous and bitter. 

I want to be more receptive to my friends’ love lives in 2020. I want to ask more questions, and listen wholeheartedly, instead of my mind and heart lying elsewhere. I caught myself slipping into that bitter mindset last night out with a friend who is in a very positive, new relationship. She was talking about it and I felt myself not saying much or speaking in shorter sentences than normal. 

After a little while, I began to notice how I was behaving and made an effort to engage more. I asked her a bunch of specific questions that I knew would get her talking, and things that I would like friends to ask me if I were in her place. I did feel excited for her when I saw how happy her new partner made her.

I would like to keep this up in the new year and hopefully it will strengthen my friendships, which is what is the most important part of my life, even more.

Do you have any resolutions that you are going to work on in 2020? Feel free to share below!

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