SOVA

Supporting Our Valued Adolescents: A place to learn, share your strength, be positive, and grow.

SOVA Blog

by Moderator ★

Would You Give Your Parents Access to Your Social Media?

September 23, 2021 in Social Media Guide

Like it or not, we’re all on social media in some way. Despite the large amount of sites and platforms available, the chances that you have an account on the same platform as your parent is pretty likely. You could both be on Facebook, even if you might not have touched yours in months (or even years), or you may both have Instagram accounts. You might be following each other, or your parent may not know that your account exists at all.

Even if you don’t have accounts on the same platform, your parent is likely also using social media in some way.

It can be difficult, stressful, and even infuriating knowing that your parent is also active online. You may feel like you want to know what they’re doing on their accounts – what if they’re saying things about or posting photos of you without your permission? What if they’re saying something that you might not agree with? This can be particularly more daunting for parents: as adolescents today, you’re growing up with the Internet and navigating who you are and are probably spending a lot of your time socializing and talking with others online.

This can also be daunting for adolescents too. Because you/they might spend so much time online, you may be sensitive or self-conscious about what about you goes up, which includes what you feel might be embarrassing photos that parents post about them or stories that parents share that you don’t want getting around.

So is it fair for parents to be able to see what their child is doing and to post about their child? Is there truly a perfect social media experience that makes both adolescents and their parents happy?

Ultimately, it’s a case-by-case experience. There are some trends on parent and adolescent feelings about their social media use, however.

One survey found that there is a fear among parents about how their children use social media, though their biggest concern is that they spend too much time on their phone compared to things like decreased communication skills and being cyberbullied. When asked about what they wished their parents knew about how they used social media however, teens said they’re going to be online no matter what. They have fake accounts, multiple devices, and use social media as an outlet when they’re frustrated and upset. They do and use all of these even if parents try to take various methods to monitor them.

But even if adolescents don’t want their parents accessing their social media – and have ways to get around it – that doesn’t mean that they’re not willing to talk about social media use with their parents. Adolescents are fine with having conversations about how to use social media (but they say to try not to make it awkward). Conversations about social media access and how parents should be involved are possible, but they have to be fair, acknowledge both the good and bad about social media, and discuss why adolescents like using these sites.

Most parents also appear to be confident that they can at least guide their child to make good and safe decisions online, even if the most action they take when monitoring is simply visiting the websites their children use. 

Knowing and acknowledging that adolescents aren’t just using social media to engage in unsafe and risky behavior and parents aren’t trying to dictate what their child can do are just a few steps both groups can take to have a fair discussion about how both can use social media in a way that is enjoyable for everyone.

Have you ever had a conversation with your parents about how you use social media? Do you think that age plays a factor in what you think your parents can see or not?

Tags: , , , , Comments Off on Would You Give Your Parents Access to Your Social Media?

by Moderator ★

The Hunger-Depression Cycle

September 22, 2021 in Educate Yourself

callie-morgan-VM6iQeQB4DU-unsplash

We all feel some kind of way about food. You may have heard the phrase that some live to eat, while others eat to live. While it’s a necessity, some find pleasure in eating, or at the very least, taking photos of food that looks nice to post on social media.

Regardless about how you feel about food as a whole, how much and if you even eat can have an effect on our mood. You’ve probably already noticed this when you’re “hangry,” feeling extremely cranky when you haven’t eaten.

charles-D44HIk-qsvI-unsplash

The way our bodies react and how much we think we need food can also be affected by depression. If you’re experiencing a depressive episode, you may find yourself unwilling or unmotivated to eat, even feeling like you’re not hungry despite not having eaten for an extended period of time. Even if there’s food in front of you, you may just simply not feel hungry, even if your body itself needs sustenance, and may only take a couple of bites at most before feeling too full. 

A loss of appetite is usually associated as being one of the symptoms of depression. There isn’t much research as to why this is the case, but items like guilt and a lack of energy may be two explanations why. Depression may make you feel unmotivated and exhausted for no reason, and this lack of energy makes the simplest tasks feel impossible. One of those simple tasks can include eating. That hangry feeling you may have experienced before, though? Even if you don’t feel hungry, your body will start catching up when it realizes that it hasn’t had any food for a while and can result in you feeling cranky and grumpy. One study noticed that people’s moods drop when they experience hypoglycemia (or low blood sugar from a lack of glucose, the body’s main energy source), and the longer they experience that by continuing to not eat, they may be at risk for developing depression-like behaviors. 

synchronize-150123_1280

Poor eating habits and poor moods can feed off each other and become a cycle. If you aren’t eating because of a loss of appetite, your mood will get worse, which can lead you to not wanting to eat, and so on.

Guilt can also play a factor in all of this too. If you miss a meal, you may feel bad that you couldn’t do one easy task like eating, and may ask yourself what the point is in trying to play catch up? This can contribute to that poor mood-poor eating cycle.

annie-spratt-3TPCsHZp0OY-unsplash

All of this gets more complex when taking eating disorders into account. Eating disorders are another type of mental illness, and like most mental illnesses, they don’t exist alone. Those coping with eating disorders often have other mental illnesses, including depression. Navigating and coping with eating disorders can conflict with the effects on appetite with depression, which can contribute to more guilt and a more toxic cycle between hunger and mood.

During these sorts of situations, eating may be one of the last things you want to do. However, having food in your body – even if your brain is tricking you that you aren’t hungry when you haven’t eaten in a long time – is vital. Doing small things like keeping a granola bar or other snacks by you can help when you can’t bring yourself to get up, or if you’re able to, meal-prepping gives you the opportunity to organize and plan a routine, giving you something to not only look forward to, but makes food available to easily have on hand. At the very least, staying hydrated and keeping a water bottle with you can make the biggest difference too.

Have you ever been hangry? How is your appetite affected when you’re stressed or depressed? Do you have any advice about what to do if you don’t feel hungry but know you have to eat?

Tags: , , , , , Comments Off on The Hunger-Depression Cycle

by Moderator ★

Managing Conflicts

September 21, 2021 in Educate Yourself

As children approach their teenage years, life becomes – for better or for worse – all about friends. While this can create unforgettable bonding experiences, it can also make for unforgettable wounds.

silhouette-3141264_1280

Because teenage conflicts are inevitable, it is best to learn from the mistakes that are made and grow from them. If not, there can be undesired consequences of festering grudges and unresolved offenses. Eventually, social stresses can turn into maladaptive coping mechanisms such as internalizing distress and aggression.

court-prather-431841-unsplash
jonny-caspari-383401-unsplash

While we cannot avoid conflict, we can control its outcome by controlling how we respond to them. There are three unhealthy roles we can take in response to conflict: we can be a “bulldozer,” a “doormat,” or a “doormat with spikes.” A bulldozer takes the aggressive route, dominating and running others over, and the doormat allows others to run over them. A doormat with spikes allows themselves to be run over but gets back at the aggressor through passive-aggressive tactics, which may involve a third party or attempt to guilt the aggressor.

One healthy way to approach conflict is to take the role of a “pillar” – standing up for yourself while respecting others. This way takes practice.

For example, say a middle school girl gets left out of a friend’s party:

  • A bulldozer response would be to come to the party anyway and try to ruin it.
  • A doormat response would be to cry alone by herself about being left out, and then try to please the friend to be included into the party the next time.
  • A doormat-with-spikes response may be to stay silent at first but then post an embarrassing picture of her friend from the party later.
  • The healthy pillar response would be to directly approach this friend and ask her, politely and respectfully, why she was not invited, and if she may have done something to offend her.

This also applies to online conflicts – the instinctual response is to take up one of the unhealthy roles. After all, it’s difficult to convey the proper tone needed to be a pillar online. If possible, it is best to take conflicts offline and have a private discussion in person.

pillar-303876_1280

In an ideal world, we would all strive to be pillars. But the world is far from perfect, so we just need to choose our battles. Conflict can take an enormous amount of energy, and even being a pillar might not resolve things; it might not generate the response we want by the other person. Sometimes, we don’t have the energy to be a pillar. Sometimes, we don’t have the motivation to resolve a conflict. Sometimes, it feels good to just let some anger out and fester in our angst. But before we do, we can take five seconds to think about the consequences of what would happen. We can think of alternatives – such as walking away, punch a punching bag, or just have a good cry. We can even imagine our delightful revenge, and fantasy in a bulldozer response, without acting on it. Afterward, we can pick ourselves up and try to be a pillar again the next time a conflict comes. Sometimes, it will work, and sometimes it won’t – but those are a part of the growing pains.

Can you remember a time that you were in a conflict with a friend? How did you respond, and how did things turn out? Do you have any tips of what has worked for you, or have any especially challenging experiences for which you’d like to seek advice? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

This SOVA blog post was based off Lisa Damour’s article from The New York Times, “How to Help Tweens and Teens Manage Social Conflict.” To access the original post, check it out here.

Tags: , , , Comments Off on Managing Conflicts

by Moderator ★

Sitting in (Not So) Complete Silence

September 20, 2021 in Be Positive

For some, the quiet can be peaceful. There are no distractions and a place for them to focus on their thoughts without any outside intrusions.

For others however, the quiet can be deafening and can cause them to feel incredibly anxious. The best way to describe this feeling is when you’re taking a test in a large room. It’s the feeling that something, anything, can happen at any second that can throw you off completely, and that uncertainty is stressful. Your mind can start to wander to places you don’t want it to and distract you if you have something you have to focus on.

This is where white noise comes in. It’s a middle ground between complete silence and busy noise. It’s not overwhelmingly loud and can ground you and your thoughts instead of letting them bounce around in a silent void. It’s known to help people calm down and relax and can help improve sleep quality. Others also claim that listening to this kind of ambient, background noise helps them focus better.

So knowing that it might be able to help you concentrate, sleep, or relax – where can you find white noise? There are websites and apps that provide customizable white noises, and Spotify’s playlists and Youtube videos of white noise go on for literally hours. There are other natural sources for them as well; if you live near a body of water or even just a fountain, you can take a walk around there for example. Fans also provide a white noise effect (you might even think that it sounds similar to beach waves). 

There’s a lot of positive things to be said about white noise and how it can help ground you for whatever you need, but at the same time, there isn’t much research to support the effects. One study even suggests that listening to white noise for long periods of time can have a negative effect on our central auditory system.

If you find white noise to be a source of comfort for you, make sure you listen to it at lower volumes if you can and don’t keep them on for extended periods of time.

How do you feel about white noise? Do you find silence to be comforting or would you rather be around more noise? Have you ever tried white noise as a way to focus, relax, or sleep?

Tags: , , , , 2 Comments »

by Moderator ★

COVID9Teen

September 17, 2021 in LINKS

This week, we wanted to do something a little different and draw attention to a contest being run by The Journal of Adolescent Health. If you want to tell more about your story during the COVID-19 pandemic, the journal is seeking any form of written or artistic submissions by young people (who are at least 18 years old).

The due date is October 1st, and entries should not exceed more than 1,500 words. We know that SOVA can be a great place to openly talk about your mental health, especially in the midst of a pandemic, and if writing is something you enjoy doing, this can be a great place to expand your scope!

For more information, click here.

Tags: , Comments Off on COVID9Teen

by Moderator ★

Negativity Bias and Social Media

September 16, 2021 in Social Media Guide

Negativity bias is a natural human experience. It’s why we are severely affected by what can end up being the slightest of inconveniences, even if really good things happen to us too. For example, you may have gotten an A on a really important exam, but forgetting to submit a homework assignment that same day and losing points for it is more likely to affect you.

We’ve talked about how negativity can build up and affect how we feel in more detail here. This week, however, we wanted to specifically talk about how negativity bias and social media can go hand-in-hand. In an age where we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others, are being reduced to numbers and followers, and are connected to pretty much everyone in the world thanks to the Internet, there are tons of opportunities for us to encounter negative experiences, especially online. Even things that we don’t really consider to be drastic, like getting fewer likes than normal on an Instagram post or getting a simple reaction on iMessage instead of an actual response can have us overthinking everything.

This is because our brains naturally expect the good things to happen to us all the time, therefore making the bad things seem way worse than they actually are. You’re probably used to having long conversations and constantly sending and receiving content in DMs, Snapchats, and TikTok, so if your friend doesn’t respond to you in the time that they usually do, or you just get a read receipt instead of a reply, it may actually trigger anxiety and depressive symptoms.

The same thing applies to encountering content. You probably follow accounts that make you happy, like following your friends, favorite celebrities and musicians, and others who inspire you. However, you may see one of them post something that you either don’t agree with, or actually interpret as something really hurtful, and you might feel betrayed, disappointed, and, well, hurt.

In these cases, the best advice we have to offer is that your social media experience doesn’t just include you. People may forget to respond for a bunch of reasons – they might be too busy, they’re not doing too well themselves, or they may have just forgotten to reply. It’s not your fault if negative things happen online, and while it’s easy to think that it is, there are so many other factors that can be involved. Another thing to remember is to acknowledge the good things that happen to you online, no matter how small. Gratitude is a great practice to incorporate in your daily routine (and you may do so already), and while it may seem shallow, you can absolutely practice gratitude with your social media experiences. Did you achieve a milestone in a Snap Streak? Did someone you like stream today? Did you have a funny conversation with a sibling or friend?

Finally, one piece of advice that we always recommend when it comes to social media is to curate the best feed for you possible. That might mean muting someone who posted something you didn’t like for a couple of days, or just blocking them entirely if you’re not that close with them. Don’t be afraid to make lists of people who make you happy so you’re only sharing content with them, and if you think a Facebook friendship has run its course, feel free to unfollow.

What experiences tend to affect you the most on social media? How do you feel if you get fewer views or likes on a post, or how do you feel if you get left on read? What parts of social media make you happy?

Tags: , , , , 1 Comment »

by Moderator ★

Sports and Their Effects on Mental Health

September 14, 2021 in Educate Yourself

david-tran-484920-unsplash

You’ve probably heard it before: exercise and moving around can do a lot for your mental health. It’s a great form of stress relief, helps get your mind off of things, and of course, has benefits for your physical health too.

One way of getting physically active are through school and club sports. Organized teams like football, soccer, volleyball (the list can go on and on and on) are an easy way to do this. There’s a social aspect as well, because it gives you the opportunity to interact with peers who share an interest in that sport too.

isaiah-rustad-1073714-unsplash

There is a lot of evidence supporting just how great playing sports can be for adolescent mental health. This is particularly true in boys, specifically finding that depression rates are lower for those who play sports. Studies have also shown that those who play sports find their coaches and/or their parents to be key supportive individuals in their lives and that they have a strong desire to help those who may be struggling with their mental health. Bonds are strong with those who play sports together and general team participation in sports have been found to have antidepressant effects.

Even with all this information, however, the rates of of anxiety and depression among scholastic athletes have increased in the past decade. Organizations and colleges have started to take note, and are trying to spread awareness on the issue.

massimo-sartirana-562839-unsplash

The reasons for the spike supports the theories that younger generations have been experiencing more intensive and increased pressures to meet nearly impossible standards. That is, adolescents and young adults today are told that in order to succeed, they have to be “perfect” at something, and the best way to do that is to start it early and engage in activities related to it as much as possible. In the case of sports, adolescents may be training for tons of hours during the week, having a monitored and strict diet, and losing sleep to train as much as possible.

william-iven-22451-unsplash

The treatment of student athletes as “professionals” can very easily lead to exhaustion, not physically, but mentally as well. Student athletes’ lives aren’t all about the sports – as the name suggests, they’re students as well. Spending tons of time training means that they have less time do to do homework and travelling for games can take away valuable studying time.

This is especially difficult for the adolescent brain. We talked last week about how the adolescent brain has a lot of plasticity, and because it is still developing, can be affected by extreme situations and stress. Adolescents can be severely affected by the pressures that their coaches, parents, and even their own brain places on them, which can then in turn affect their mental health to a more extreme level.

Playing sports has an outstanding effect on physical health and well-being, but going too far can actually cause a lot of damage. The same thing can happen to your mental health too, so it’s important to be careful and check-in as much as possible to see how you’re feeling both mentally and physically.

Do or did you play sports? What was your experience like? Did you find support in your teammates or coaches? Was mental health discussed? Share your experiences below!

Tags: , , , 1 Comment »

by Moderator ★

Curling Up with a Good Book

September 13, 2021 in Be Positive

amanda-c-1186891-unsplash

There are so many ways to get comfortable with a book and get lost in the words and stories that it contains. You can read in the car during a long journey, in between classes, at the dining table, your bed, the couch, the bath, and so on. There’s the classic physical books that can be compact and slim and easily carried in one hand, or so heavy that you can use it as a weight. E-books like Kindles or Nooks can hold hundreds upon thousands of stories in one small device, providing an endless selection in the palm of your hands. These e-book services are also available as apps, so if you already have a tablet, you can read them on there, or even on your phone.

Nowadays, many wonder if kids and adolescents even read for fun anymore, often citing social media and technology as the major factor. The question about youth reading habits is not new, however. For example, when the Harry Potter phenomenon was at its peak, many noticed that kids had an increased interest in reading, despite being more consumed with TVs at the time. Despite this, young adult novels are still being published (and often adapted into TV shows and movies).

iam-se7en-657490-unsplash

Studies have shown that leisurely reading can have a positive effect on anxiety and stress. There are several ways that this happens; some psychologists believe that because reading is such an intensive activity that requires concentration, it can drown out distractions while also indulging you in a good story. These good stories can ease muscle tension and lower heart rates in as little as six minutes! In fact, reading can reduce stress up to 68%, having a greater effect than going for a walk or listening to music.

It’d be impossible to list the kinds of books that you can read, but there are so many genres and so many new releases that it can get pretty overwhelming to decide where to start. There’s always the New York Times bestseller list – and they even have a specific list for young adult hardcovers as well. You don’t need to stick to the most popular books though: ironically, social media websites like Goodreads and tumblr are great outlets to find books that match up with your interests. They usually have forums or blogs specifically for more diverse literature in both characters and authors too.

So when you find yourself having some free time, or simply want an escape when things begin to get too stressful, reading just the first chapter of a book, whether old or new, can have a tremendous effect.

Do you like to read? What kind of books are you drawn to? Do you have any recommendations? Let us know in the comments!

Tags: , , 1 Comment »

by Moderator ★

Why do we hate-watch and hate-follow?

September 9, 2021 in Social Media Guide

Realistically, we aren’t best friends, nor are completely enamored with everyone we follow on all our platforms. You might have that one account that you can’t bring yourself to unfollow because there’s something so satisfying about rolling your eyes whenever they post, or sharing it with others you know who follow the same person. You might hate-follow a politician so you can see how people make fun and respond to them, or you enjoy watching stitched TikToks where someone is making fun of cringey content posted by a popular influencer you don’t like.

While hate-watching started with, and is usually associated, with TV shows, you’ve probably also hate-watched TikToks, YouTube videos, or vlogs of people you no longer care about or are even annoyed by. Those who have looked into our hate-watching culture often root it in elitism; all of us, on some level, have some sort of superiority complex, and it makes us feel better by seeing something we hate and react by going, “Oh, at least I’m smarter than them.” Similarly, hate-following people gives us a point of comparison: for example, you might still be following an ex because you know you’re doing better than them and want to remind yourself of that. Other reasons we hate-follow people include giving yourself a “bad” reference, so if you ever feel bad about yourself, you can remind yourself that at least you’re not this person you dislike and you don’t share their personality traits. 

As humans, we can’t help but dislike things, be a little spiteful, and frankly, a little hateful. There has been evidence suggesting that people are more likely to build connections based off of the things – and people – they mutually dislike, as well. Sometimes, we just need that little pick-me-up when we’re down by looking at the content of someone we can’t stand. However, it’s important to remember that whoever you hate-watch and follow are still people. It’s one thing to share cringe viral videos, but it’s another to constantly make fun of someone you actually know and interact with and share their content with others who also know who they are. Things like that, and leaving comments making fun of people, no matter who they are, quickly can lead to cyberbullying. Additionally, if all you want to consume is content that makes you feel negative, such as hateful, it can affect your mood and how you interact with others as well. Take the clip from Mean Girls above for example; talking about someone who dislike constantly can negatively affect the others around you.

So long as you can find the balance between hate-following and cyberbullying in check and make it a point to keep hate-watching to a minimum and to yourself, it’s understandable if you want to follow someone who annoys you slightly. After all, we’re all only human.

Do you hate-follow or hate-watch anything? Why do you consume their content? Do you have any guilty pleasures?

Please do not be specific about who you watch and follow.

Tags: , 1 Comment »

by Moderator ★

“I can handle this on my own”

September 7, 2021 in Educate Yourself

Adolescence is a time where we want to and feel like we can do everything on our own. This desire to be an individual without asking others for help happens with pretty much everyone once they start puberty. As we get older, we realize we have the option to make our own choices and don’t always have to rely on what those who are older than us.

This crave for independence and learning how to do things on our own can make us feel like we have to do everything without any help. To ask for help may make adolescents feel that they’re doing a bad job during this transition and that they’re still kids and therefore falling behind their peers. Asking for help may seem like a sign of weakness, which can make adolescents feel like they’re not good enough for their peers and others that they’re trying to impress. At a time when others’ approval and acceptance can mean everything, just the idea of rejection and judgment from others can prevent adolescents from seeking help at all.

Thinking like this can have detrimental effects though. This is particularly true when it comes to mental health. Signs and symptoms of mental illnesses increase during adolescence, but because of the stigma, the fear of what others might think, and the thought that they can and should handle these feelings on their own, adolescents aren’t likely to confide or talk about what they’re going through. 

If adolescents keep this to themselves, even if they recognize what they’re going through is intense and negative, these symptoms can get worse. For example, a mental health nonprofit in the UK called YoungMinds surveyed 7,000 adolescents between the ages of 10 and 25 about how they looked for information and support about mental health. Nearly 80% of respondents said they managed it and researched on their own at first, but only 17% felt confident in their abilities to handle it on their own. 

There’s a lot of choice and power when it comes to how adolescents can manage their mental health, however. Making the decision to go on medication, maintaining a schedule to go for therapy, even making the choice to decide who to confide in are courageous and ways to take control of a situation. Being independent doesn’t have to mean handling everything on your own, especially when things get tough, but it can mean taking action and making the decision to get support. 

How did you look for information when you first wanted to start learning more about mental health and mental illness? Were you afraid of asking anyone? Why?

Tags: , , , , 1 Comment »