Supporting Our Valued Adolescents: A place to learn, share your strength, be positive, and grow.
by Moderator ★
May 9, 2023 in Educate Yourself
Are you feeling especially anxious or sad today but can’t get away from a screen? Try going to www.calm.com and taking a minute for yourself.
What do you do when you’re feeling especially anxious? Let us know in the comments
by Moderator ★
May 5, 2023 in Social Media Guide
It’s difficult not to feel even a little jealous when scrolling through our numerous feeds, seeing people we know participating in adventurous activities and hanging out with other people, wishing we could do the same instead of viewing someone else doing so on a screen. FOMO is an all too familiar term, but recently, the fear of missing out has only intensified with the increased use of social media, particularly when it comes to the endless material from YouTube, one of the most popular sites for adolescents.
When watching our favorite television shows and movies, we find ourselves drawn to certain characters and form an attachment to them. These characters are usually a huge contributor to why we like what we consume so much; we develop somewhat of a one-sided relationship to them, wanting to see them succeed, viewing them as a role model, or perhaps seeing them in a romantic light. These parasocial relationships – a one-sided relationship with the media we consume – are taken to the next level when it comes to actual people. However, while this was pretty much limited to glitzy Hollywood celebrities, YouTube culture and influencers have taken these relationships to an entirely new level.
Unlike fictional characters, who don’t exist, or celebrities, who are unattainable, there’s something about watching someone who’s just like us living a luxurious, yet attainable life. Even though we aren’t capturing our lives on film and uploading them in easily consumable 20 minute vlogs, we can relate to their easy senses of humor, their mundane tasks and chores, their get-togethers with their friends who we also watch. It’s like we’re being invited into their lives, almost as if we’re their friends as well.
Some say that these YouTube parasocial relationships can have its benefits, giving adolescents with low self-esteem find their ideal selves, using YouTubers to find traits that they too could have and adapting them. By seeing these YouTubers as an ideal, adolescents can be more motivated to set goals for themselves to accomplish something akin to what these relatable creators do. However, it’s important to remember that these relationships aren’t even that, as they are one-sided and there is no reciprocity from the YouTuber’s side, simply because they don’t know the viewer beyond a statistic. These imagined relationships with the creator can play a large role in how adolescents socially develop and how they view relationships away from the screen with those they physically interact with.
Of course, YouTube is still a source of entertainment at the end of the day. We enjoy watching people, whether fictional, celebrities, or creator, because there’s something about them that appeals to us. Though at the end of the day, the screen and reality are two different worlds.
Do you watch YouTubers? If so, why do you watch them? Do you think watching vlogs can affect your view on relationships?
by Moderator ★
May 4, 2023 in Social Media Guide
You may think of two different things when you think about social media. You may think that social media makes everyone an open book, spilling all their secrets and sharing too much information so you know where they are, what they’re eating, and who they’re with at any given moment. You may alternatively think that social media is fake and controlled, and that people on social media only share what they think will get them the most attention.
Regardless, social media is a place where we know that almost any and everyone can see the content we create and share, and with that may come a need to make sure that they think what we put up is valid. It can be stressful to always think about pleasing everyone, and the fear that someone you don’t know as well (or don’t even know at all!) can find your content and respond with a negative comment can be anxiety-inducing.
Fortunately, most, if not nearly every social media platform comes with an option to go private, or at the very least, control who sees your profile and your accounts. Twitter and Instagram give you the ability to lock your account completely and limit who follows you, because you have to approve those who request to follow you. Snapchat has the option for you to only allow friends you add to see your content, and Facebook lets you decide how much anyone can see on your account – friends included.
Having this kind of control and privacy can give you a peace of mind: the people you approve to follow your account are those you trust, and you don’t have to feel like you’re trying to get their approval all of the time. There’s also the safety aspect too: only having a few people have access to your information means that it’s less likely to get out and receive unwanted attention. Overall, there’s been an increase in demand from adolescents to make accounts automatically private for these reasons, alongside others.
Take finstas. While often regarded as a sillier private space, adolescents say that they feel more like their genuine selves and don’t hesitate to hit the “share” button because they’re comfortable with those following them. And while silly, they’re still a safe place. Queer adolescents have commented that having this separate account takes the weight off of their shoulders about receiving hateful comments or those they’re not close with speculating about their sexuality.
While getting likes and comments may be validating, they can also be damaging to your mental health and in comparing yourself to others. Private accounts can give you a space to fully be yourself without worrying about these statistics and may increase your enjoyment on social media as a whole.
Are your accounts locked? Are there some that are unlocked and some that you keep completely private? How do you think limiting the people you have follow you impacts your social media use?
by Moderator ★
April 28, 2023 in LINKS
Choosing a therapist can be confusing, and there are so many different types of therapy. A common practice style is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The goal of CBT is to help you identify thought patterns, examine how they affect behavior, and change the patterns that are not helping you. We’ve featured a comic that visually explains how CBT works before if you want more detail.
CBT tends to be fairly structured and is usually meant to tackle a specific problem for a limited amount of time. That being said, the therapy itself can be used to help with a variety of issues, specifically with anxiety and depression. It allows you to play an active role in your treatment and adopt new ways of thinking that you can use throughout your lifetime. CBT also tends to be worthwhile for people of all ages and can be adapted to fit different needs well.
Of course, the best way to start this type of therapy would be to see a therapist who specializes in CBT, but there are other great options for people who are looking to get some of the same benefits!
The MindShift CBT app allows you to find helpful techniques to relieve anxiety through guided practices and exercises. The app provides tips for quick, short-term relief from panic or worry, as well as mindfulness activities that range from guided meditation to journaling and goal setting. The link to download the app and learn more about the features it offers can be found here.
If you are interested in learning more about the different approaches to therapy that are particularly helpful for adolescents, you can learn more on the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry website.
Have you ever considered therapy? Are there any other types of therapy you would like to learn more about? What is your experience with CBT?
by Moderator ★
April 27, 2023 in Educate Yourself
Feeling unheard is an experience that affects a lot of teens and young adults. A new report from Mental Health America surveyed over 1,900 people aged 14 to 24, asking them about mental health and the support they want.
Young people consistently reported using their hobbies as a way to improve their mental health. When asked what they wanted, teens said that access to mental health professionals and more breaks at school would improve their mental health. The survey also showed that young people want to learn more skills to support their mental health.
There are many things that can make young people feel like they can’t speak up about their needs. For example, some do not want to feel like a burden or a source of stress for their families. While parents can be stressed, they likely want to make sure their child is okay and help them feel better. Communicating about emotions is a good way to learn more mental health skills and could give the chance to connect to mental health professionals.
Not everyone has a family member they feel comfortable talking with about their feelings. Fortunately, there are more and more outside programs available to help teens with mental health. Some options include Mental Health Kingdom, which offers peer support through Discord, and Mindful Minute, which focuses on mind-body practices.
How do you want to be heard if you want to talk about your mental health? What stops you from opening up? Have you ever talked to your parents, or another supportive adult, about your mental health?
by Moderator ★
April 21, 2023 in Educate Yourself
You’ve likely heard that being a “morning person” can benefit one’s mental health significantly. You’ve probably seen a bunch of stories about how waking up with the and even before the sun helps people feel more accomplished, gets more done in the day, and feels healthier both mentally and physically.
You may have tried becoming a morning person yourself, trying to squeeze in a workout, a full balanced breakfast, a time to journal, and meditation. You also probably have to wake up early to go to school, and maybe even earlier if you’re in a club or sport that requires you to be there before classes begin.
However, similar to the now debunked idea that less sleep = more time to be successfully productive, you actually don’t need to be a morning person to be productive and feel like you have everything together. What it really comes down to is understanding what’s best for your body and when your mind feels that it functions best. There are some people who do benefit from waking up early; for them, being a morning person means having control over what they want before their day officially begins and gives them a sense of accomplishment of having items on their to-do list already checked. Meanwhile, others may be at their peak in the middle of the day, or even in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately, because of the 9-5 work life and 7-2 school day, our culture favors those who wake up and function early, especially because those who function at other times are likely too exhausted because their body’s naturally preferred sleep cycle is so disrupted. But if you look around your coworkers and peers, most of them are likely too groggy, cranky, or about to go right back to sleep first thing in the morning.
So no, you don’t have to become a morning person if you want to have a well-rounded, productive, and healthy lifestyle. Although we still life in a 9-5 and 7-2 culture, those who benefit from being productive later in the day can still do so, but they just might have to do a little more work adapting and making sure that they can still get what they want done while still getting enough sleep.
Which brings us to our advice: whether you’re an early bird or night owl, try to do your best to establish a routine for when you want to be and feel your most productive. As long as you’re able to get 7-8 hours of sleep a night (and ideally waking up whenever you want to), you should be in good shape. If you’re in college and are more productive later, try to schedule your classes for later in the day. The pandemic has made it easier for people to work remote, so those who can and live on the east coast, remote west coast jobs will allow you to have a schedule that starts later in the day too.
For more advice, click here!
Are you a morning person? Have you ever wanted to be a morning person, or have you trained yourself to be one? When do you find yourself to be the most productive?
by Moderator ★
April 20, 2023 in Educate Yourself
One of the less commonly talked about aspects of mental illness is maintaining personal hygiene—more specifically, the inability to do so. This topic can be embarrassing for many people which is what contributes to the lack of conversation surrounding it.
Depression virtually drains you of all your energy which can make it difficult to function on many different levels. Sometimes it can be hard to even get out of bed, much less take a shower and brush your teeth. The little bit of energy that you may have often gets used to do “more important” things, such as going to class or work. In a society that shames those that don’t maintain their hygiene (think of the accusations of assumptions of grossness and laziness), worrying about being judged or ignored can make depressive symptoms worse, and the cycle continues.
There is no need to feel embarrassed, though. You would not be lamed if you were physically ill and did not have the energy to do these daily tasks. Mental illness is the same thing. The fatigue, lack of energy, and lack of motivation is no different.
You are not gross. You are not lazy. You are not less than those who do not struggle.
It is important to take even little steps to maintain your personal hygiene. This is not only for your physical health but keeping yourself clean can help boost your confidence. Here are some tips you can take to stay clean on even the hardest days:
Using dry shampoo will help get rid of the oils in your hair, giving you a “just washed” look—and it smells good too! If you have not been able to brush your hair for a while, and it’s beginning to matte, use a deep conditioner to loosen up the tangles.
Using a washcloth and some soap in your sink to hit the “hot” areas like your armpits before applying more deodorant is a way to clean up a bit. If your sink is deep enough, you can even wash your hair under the faucet. You can also use baby wipes instead of using a wash cloth. This is even quicker and can be done while you’re still in bed.
Sometimes just the thought of standing that long in the shower is what deters people the most. Taking a bath is a way that you can get clean without having to stand so long. If you do not have a bath tub, you can also buy a shower chair.
Carrying a travel bottle of mouthwash can help on those days where you just couldn’t get up to get ready before leaving the house. You can use it in the bathroom at work or school. Gum, mints, or breath spray can help on those days where you forgot to brush.
When using body sprays, make sure to use sparingly so as to not have a super overwhelming scent. Febreeze can be used to lightly mist shirts or pants that you are unable to wash, and there are products designed to give clothes a refresh if you haven’t been able to wash them. Using deodorant at night as well as in the morning can help to contain body odor.
If you have someone who is willing to help you, ask them to run a bath or even brush your hair for you. Not only will it help you relax, but it can be a bonding experience with a loved one.
Buying fancy bubble bath, lotions, or shampoo can be a way to spoil yourself and give you motivation to try out your new products!
It’s important to be proud of the small steps you take and to make realistic expectations for yourself. Sometimes just hopping in the shower to let the warm water run over you is enough for that day. Be proud of accomplishing even the simplest of tasks!
Have you ever had any difficulties in doing any “simple” tasks, including maintaining personal hygiene, when you’re going through a particularly hard time or episode? What other tips do you have?
by Moderator ★
April 14, 2023 in Social Media Guide
You’ve probably seen memes, tiktoks, and other kinds of posts on social media about how the best part of the day is when a package with something you ordered has finally arrived. There’s something incredibly satisfying about placing an order and tracking every single step of the delivery process before it arrives at your front door. Recently, these memes are often associated with something about mental health, whether it be placing an order “just to feel something,” or using that wait for your package to arrive as a reason to look forward to the future.
The concept of using shopping as a coping mechanism isn’t new. In the past, retail therapy was often associated with going to the mall or some store and grabbing something frivolous or outside someone’s budget that they buy on impulse. Phones and social media has made retail therapy even easier however, with things available with just a tap on the phone (and even easier, a double click on the side button that has your Apple Pay linked up). At the beginning of the pandemic, started last year, there was a huge spike in people shopping online, with many making their purchases impulsively.
There are several reasons why we turn to shopping – and especially online shopping – when we’re feeling down. One of the biggest reasons is a sense of control: when things like pandemics, mental illness, overwhelming schedules, and negative life and news events are surrounding people constantly, making purchases that they want and that they believe will make them happy is way to restore any lost control. Online shopping is also like a lottery machine; you never know what you’re going to find if you keep scrolling on commerce websites, and your brain is telling you to keep going just in case you find the thing that’s perfect for you to buy. One study has even found that retail therapy can help reduce sadness.
Retail therapy can be helpful and we don’t always need to try and justify purchases that make us happy, but when done excessively, it can quickly become an unhealthy coping mechanism. Companies are also aware that people turn to retail therapy, and can take others’ poor mental health as an opportunity to constantly push their products – especially self-care and wellness ones – on vulnerable consumers. Now that many social media platforms include many personalized ads automatically integrated on their feeds (think of how Instagram has been criticized lately for wanting to be more of a shop than a photo platform), the temptation to shop can be even harder to fight off.
So if you want to reduce the number of times you online shop, but spend a lot of time on social media (especially when you’re depressed or anxious), and are constantly coming across personalized ads for things that are perfect for you to buy, what can you do? Again, it’s not that big of a deal to treat yourself every now and then, but it’s also up to you to determine just how long “every now and then” is. You can also see if you can explore alternatives to these items; for example, you can try making things yourself or see if someone is selling something similar secondhand. If you like having stricter rules in place, give yourself a small budget to spend each month for those times that you want to buy something that seems silly and useless online. Adblocks and turning off personalized ads can also go a long way too.
Do you do most of your shopping online? Do you find yourself buying things you don’t need? When do you find yourself doing them? Do you think you shop online as a coping mechanism?
by Moderator ★
April 13, 2023 in Educate Yourself
We all have things that we turn to when we need to improve our mood. Many also have things to turn to when depressive and anxiety symptoms start to surface.
Coping mechanisms can be, well, anything. If it’s something you seek out to make yourself feel better, then that’s a coping mechanism. However, not all coping mechanisms are created equal, and while what makes one feel better already naturally differs from person to person, the effect they have can also drastically be different too.
There are a number of reasons why coping mechanisms may stop being so effective for you, especially if they’re ones that you’ve had for a long time. For example, it might have just become such a natural part of your daily routine that the drastic, immediate effects on your mood are no longer happening. You may find yourself getting bored of your go-to coping mechanisms, such as listening to the same playlist of songs or doing a specific kind of workout. At first, you might feel guilty that your mood isn’t increasing and your mental illness symptoms aren’t decreasing, but having a change in routine and having certain habits run their course and be less effective is a natural thing that happens with a lot of different things.
Coping mechanisms aren’t always good for you, either. This includes things like substance abuse, scrolling endlessly on social media, and withdrawing from others. If you find yourself turning to coping mechanisms that are negatively affecting not just you, but causing worry and negatively affecting those around you, it may also be worth considering if these coping mechanisms are actually helping you feel better or not.
There’s nothing wrong with abandoning a coping mechanisms (and for those that are more harmful, it can be a good thing to abandon it!). If anything, it signifies that it’s time for a change, and an opportunity to find other healthier, beneficial ways to increase your mood and try something new!
What are your current coping mechanisms if you feel depressive and/or anxiety symptoms start to surface? Have you had any old ones that you ended up abandoning? What were they and why did you stop using them?
by Moderator ★
April 5, 2023 in Social Media Guide
While it’s impossible to tell everyone that you’re following on any of your social media platforms what they should be posting, it can sometimes be tempting to. This is true now more than ever: there are common themes of the kinds of posts that you’ve likely seen on your feeds, and while some are more helpful than others, it can get overwhelming, stress-inducing, and quite frankly, just not the type of content that you want to see right now.
Whether it’s the constant news updates, reminders to keep busy, the reminders to not be busy, or personal posts about how COVID-19 is affecting them, being online can feel like too much is happening at once. This is especially true now that you’re more likely on social media more often than you usually are during your regular routine.
There are little things that you can do to help yourself though. Even with this increased social media use, it can be hard to cut back since there are limited things you can do at home. Regardless of how often you’re using social media, you should still be able to have as pleasant and healthy experience when online.
For example, if you’re on Twitter, you can turn off retweets from certain accounts if you’re uncomfortable with the content they’re sharing for any reason. Sometimes, deleting one app entirely, even for just a day, can help calm you too. Some websites let you mute certain words so that content containing them won’t appear, and others can completely hide accounts that you don’t want to see.
Whatever it is, you still have some control in having a positive social media experience, despite the chaos and size of it all. Hopefully taking a few of these steps can alleviate the stress that can come with constantly being on and repeatedly seeing the same upsetting things.
Have you taken any measures to change your feeds to make them more positive to you? Have you found yourself doing this recently? What do you do to give yourself the best social media experience for yourself?
Recent Comments