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Supporting Our Valued Adolescents: A place to learn, share your strength, be positive, and grow.

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by Moderator ★

Who sees what you post?

June 9, 2016 in Social Media Guide

Recently an interesting New York Times article  came out about Justine Sacco who posted a tweet she thought only 170 of her followers would see. She thought it was a joke, but others interpreted it as offensive and racist. Someone who had seen the tweet shared it with the editor of a popular blog. When he shared it with his friends, it went viral. Soon she lost her job and was publicly humiliated.

Who sees what you post? Could it ever get you into serious trouble? Sometimes we think only our friends will see or care, but stories like this might make you think again.

Let us know your thoughts below!

(featured image: tweeter madness by daveelf is licensed by CC-BY-NC-2.0)

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by Moderator ★

Do you hear me?

May 31, 2016 in Educate Yourself

Photo Credit: richard_polhill via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: richard_polhill via Compfight cc

Is anyone even listening to me?

Some young people don’t like to go see a doctor or a therapist because they haven’t felt listened to in the past. Sometimes it is tough for adults to listen to young people. They might be making assumptions that they know what the young person is going to say; they might be judging them based on their tone or body language; or even they might honestly not understand the way young people talk or what they are talking about!

In turn, the young person might feel frustrated and have some of these thoughts:

How is this even going to work if no one is listening to me?

They really don’t care what I think, just what they think.

There’s no way for them to understand anyways.

The problem with these thoughts is that if you are working with a professional therapist or doctor, they should not be true. In medicine, doctors are evaluated based on professionalism – which is their code of conduct or the way they are taught and socialized to behave. Professionalism includes having respect for patients and being responsive to their needs. So now that you know this, if someone is really not listening to you, it is unprofessional. That means you have a right to and should say something!

Some examples of things you can say in a neutral way to start to introduce how you feel are:

I feel like I am not being listened to.

I would like to get better, but I feel like I am not being heard. Can I have time to share something?

I feel like things could be going better during my visits. Can I let you know some of the concerns I have?

Has this happened to you before? How have you addressed it?

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by Moderator ★

Is depression in my genes?

May 24, 2016 in Educate Yourself

Where does depression come from? Like we talked about before, there are many theories (ideas for why something happens that scientists put together from facts and based on how the world seems to work).

There is some evidence or proof that part of why someone has depression comes from their genes – or basically the code your parents gave you that is an instruction manual for your body and mind.

On average in our population, about 38% of the way depression is inherited may be from genetics – and more so for girls than boys. Remember that means in a whole population – we don’t know what it means for an individual person. For one person genetics could be 70% of the reason they have depression – for someone else it might only be 10%.

About 10% of people will experience depression. If someone has a parent or sibling with depression that risk goes up to about 20 to 30%.

Scientists haven’t found a “depression gene” yet. Its more likely there are a bunch of genes that contribute risk.

All of this means you don’t just get depression from your mom or dad – genes are part of the story but definitely not all of it. So don’t ever take that to mean you are programmed to be one way and there is nothing you can do about it.

You know how you open up a new phone and it has default settings? Think about those as your genes. Many phones are customizable – and you can decide how to set it up. Just because you get certain genes doesn’t mean you can’t work with what you got! Maybe you drop your phone and the screen cracks a little – then you get a new shiny case for it and now it looks awesome and you can’t tell there’s a crack. That’s kind of how the environment works – what’s around you and the experiences you have also effect who you become.

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Photo Credit: savvysmilinginlove via Compfight cc

YOU are a collection of where you came from (your genes), what  you grew up with (your environment), who you choose to become (your motivation and your goals), and who helps you get there (your support system – including medical professionals like your doctor and therapist who provide you with the tools you need to get you where you want to go).  

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by Moderator ★

I Wanna Try Even Though I Could Fail

May 23, 2016 in Be Positive

This song by Shakira for Zootopia has a great message!

What songs help you stay positive?

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by Moderator ★

A shoulder to lean on

May 3, 2016 in Educate Yourself

If you really needed help, who could you count on? You might think first of a friend your own age, and while they may be good at listening and empathizing with you, they might not know what kind of advice to give you. Not because they don’t want to help, but they just haven’t had enough experience.  Sometimes going to a supportive adult can help a lot.  With time, you get experience, and experience helps you to learn what things work well – and what things do not.  A supportive adult can be your parent, relative, teacher, priest, therapist, nurse, doctor.  But how do you know they are someone you can depend on?

Photo Credit: LauraGilchrist4 via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: LauraGilchrist4 via Compfight cc

Ask yourself:

  • Does this person care about me? do they want me to succeed?
  • Are they someone who I consider a role model? someone I wouldn’t mind being like when I get older?
  • Have they been kind to me in the past?
  • Do they listen to what I have to say?
  • Do they respect me and my decisions?

These questions might help you figure it out. If you don’t have a supportive adult, spend some time sharing that with a teacher or healthcare provider who works with young people. These adults spend a lot of time caring for and giving advice to young people and are often willing to listen and lend a helping hand.

How has a supportive adult helped you in the past? Are there any questions you would add to our list?

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by Moderator ★

How to Discuss Hard Topics with Parents

April 27, 2016 in Educate Yourself

Although talking to friends often comes more naturally, there are some situations in which parents or guardians can shed a brighter light on a tough situation than your peers. Whether you feel that your relationship is strong with your parents or not, they are the ones who care more about your well-being than anyone else. Tough subjects to bring up with parents can include a wide range of topics, anywhere from a speeding ticket to self-harm. Here are 3 steps to help you feel ready to approach a tough subject.

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Photo Credit: alémdoquesevê_ via Compfight cc

1. Decide before you begin talking what your goal is.

Knowing ahead of time what you want to get out of your conversation can help you stay calm and prevent the conversation from leading down a different path. You may want specific advice, or you may just want to be listened to without judgement. Either way, being prepared can help you and the adult stick to what will be most beneficial for you.

2. Recognize your feelings and be upfront about them.

More often than not hard subjects are hard because of the emotion behind them. You could be scared, ashamed, or simply embarrassed to talk about certain things with your parents, but the best way to deal with those feelings is to be honest about them. For example, you could say, “I need to talk to you, but I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you.” By letting your parents know how you are feeling, they can be better equipped to help, and you can know that you are being heard.

3. Pick a good time to talk.

Just as being calm yourself can help when approaching a difficult talk, things will go more smoothly if your parent is calm as well. Try to find a time when they are not busy working on something else. If you are unsure, tell them that you need to talk and ask when would be a good time for them.

 

Overall, thoughtful planning is what will help you the most when discussing something difficult with a parent. By following these steps, you will give you and your parent the best shot at working through it together.

 

Do you think these are helpful tips? Or do you have more tips for people talking about difficult topics? Tell us about them!

You can also read more about talking to parents in general and about difficult topics at http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_mind/Parents/talk_to_parents.html#

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by Moderator ★

How to tell if therapy is going well

April 26, 2016 in Educate Yourself

You can feel pretty vulnerable when you talk to a therapist. Think about it – you are telling them your deepest thoughts and you are not sure what they are thinking!  You might not know what a therapist is supposed to do or act like if you’ve never seen one before. So how do you know if things are going well in therapy?

Photo Credit: fraser wilson via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: fraser wilson via Compfight cc

Here are some suggestions we have!

Ask yourself:

  • Do I think therapy will help me?
  • What do I expect out of my therapist?

Ask your parent:

  • Are you willing to participate in therapy together or alone for you if needed?
  • What do you expect out of me for therapy?
  • What do you expect out of my therapist?

 

Discuss your answers to the above questions with your therapist and your parent so you can have a clear idea if what you think will happen is what will happen.

As you get to know your therapist, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I feel accepted?
  • Is my therapist caring?
  • Does my therapist explain things clearly?
  • If my therapist and I disagree, can we have a productive conversation about it?
  • Does my therapist recognize if there is a problem and addresses it instead of avoiding it?

After you’ve gotten to know your therapist, ask yourself:

  • Does my therapist have a good relationship with me?
  • Do we get along?
  • Do we agree on the goals of what I am going to get from my treatment?
  • Does my therapist get along with my parent?
  • Does my therapist agree with my parent on the goals of my treatment?

These questions have been shown in research to influence how well therapy can work for kids and adolescents which is why we think it is important to think about them.

If the answers are no to any of these questions, talk to your therapist on how you might address them. If it doesn’t feel comfortable to talk to your therapist, then talk to whoever referred you to them – like your primary care provider about whether they can help talk to your therapist and investigate whether they are a good fit for you.

Did you try out using any of these questions? Is there something new you learned? Are there other questions you suggest for talking to your therapist?

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Not Alone

December 23, 2015 in Be Positive

Watch this powerful video featuring inspiring stories of struggle.

Sometimes when you are feeling alone, it can help to hear from others with similar hardships.

What did you think? Share your thoughts on the video below!

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by Moderator ★

Is depression something you can just control?

December 22, 2015 in Educate Yourself

Or are there real changes in your brain that cause it?

Research studies show that there are many changes which happen in the brain when someone is depressed.

Of course, the brain is super complex – and we are only scratching the surface of everything there is to know. People who have depression can have different symptoms and different causes.

It’s important to know that even though we don’t understand everything about depression, we do know something about what treatments can help. And if one treatment doesn’t work for you, there can be another one that will – so don’t give up! You are a very special and unique person – so something that worked or didn’t work for someone else – will probably work differently for you.

Depression probably has a combination of different causes:

Gene-environment interactions: — did you know your genes and your brain can change based on what you are exposed to in your environment? some people can feel more anxious if they were in a big car wreck – other people don’t change at all

Endocrine: — some people’s mood really goes up and down with changes in their hormone levels – hormones are proteins in your blood so different parts of your body can communicate with each other – like thyroid hormone

Immune system: — stress and depression that happen in your brain can cause your immune system – the part of your body that fights infections – to get weaker – and vice versa – certain chronic illnesses can increase depressed feelings

Plasticity: — scientists talk about the brain being “plastic” – that means before we thought the brain’s electricity was hard-wired — now we know that its wiring can change based on genes, environment, hormones, the immune system, and and medical and psychological treatments — that means there is a way to get better!!

References: Medscape;  Nature

 

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by Moderator ★

holding on

December 21, 2015 in Be Positive

If you ever think about giving up, remember why you held on for so long.  Hayley Williams

 

Photo Credit: Katie@! via Compfight cc

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