SOVA Blog

by Moderator ★

Being the therapist friend!

August 6, 2025 in Uncategorized

When I was in high school, my best friend would always come to me for advice. Whether the problem was big or small, I was the person who helped her through everything. I was happy being that for her until it took a toll on me mentally…

Do you have friends who constantly vent to you about their issues? Do your friends look to you for advice? Can you discuss your problems with your friends? If so, you may be the designated “therapist friend.” 

 

There’s nothing wrong with your friends venting to you about their lives. In fact, it’s a sign of trust, comfort, and friendship. But sometimes, the line between “therapist” and “therapist friend” can get really blurred, and that can take an emotional toll on you. So, here are some Do’s and Don’ts about how to navigate playing that role in someone’s life. 

 

  1. Do set boundaries: As much as you want to be a good friend to anyone, to be the “best” you can be, you have to be at your best. If a friend is using you a bit too much, don’t be afraid to step back from the role. Prioritize yourself, regroup, and figure out whether you want to step into that role again. It’s okay to say “no” or “not right now” if you can’t handle their dumping on you.
  2. Don’t forget your training. Wait! You’re Not Trained. You’re not licensed in mental health, nor do you have the training to provide the level of help some people need. Your advice is just advice. It is not meant to solve serious problems nor be any final words for your friends. 
  3. Do encourage your friends to seek help: Many free and paid resources are now available in both communities and online for people to access help. Encourage your friends to talk to a school social worker or counselor who can direct them to the right resources. Even helping a friend search for a community or group that could help is a step in the right direction.
  4. Don’t be afraid to feel helpless: Some things your friends will tell you are unsolvable all by yourself. You can provide your friends with resources or point them in the right direction, but ultimately, it will be out of your hands. Try to step away, distance yourself, and allow yourself to feel upset if necessary. 
  5. Do find your own support system: When I was a “therapist friend,” I couldn’t rely on my best friend to listen to me and give me advice, like she could do to me. I relied on my parents, siblings, and trusted adults to be my rock when I needed help. 
  6. Don’t forget available resources: If your friends ever suggest a serious issue like thoughts of hurting themselves/someone else, or someone hurting them/someone else, go to a trusted adult. Also, remember 911 for all medical emergencies. 988 for the suicide and crisis line. 678678 for free LGBTQ+ suicide and crisis support over text. Serious problems need serious solutions. If you sense something, say something. 

 

You can still be a good friend, nay, a great friend, without being someone’s therapist. To be someone’s friend, you have to be someone’s friend, not their fortune teller, therapist, or advice-giver.

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by Moderator ★

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“I need help.” – A Guide

July 30, 2025 in Uncategorized

You’ve done the hardest part. You’ve identified that you need help. But how do you even begin to ask for help or get your needs met? 

  1. Be overwhelmed: It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay not to feel 100%. Like this article says, “you just did the hardest part,” so there is no expectation to feel okay in any capacity. Take this time to laugh, cry, and feel all the emotions. You acknowledged, and that is the most critical step. 
  2. Identify a safe person: Mental health is a beast that should not be dealt with alone. Find one safe person that you would be able to (1) be honest with, (2) see frequently, and (3) share some of your concerns with. This person may be a coach, mentor, teacher, parent, sibling 18 years or older, boss, or another trusted adult. 
  3. Ask questions: What could you benefit from? Are you looking for a professional to talk to? Are you looking to get on medication? Are you looking to get into a support group? If you don’t know right away, that’s okay. These are all questions to think about as you move into the next step.
  4. Do research: What resources are available to you? Does your school have a psychologist or a social worker? Does your school have a dedicated program for students with mental health issues? Many communities offer free or low-cost mental health services to their residents. Use Google, your school, and community for help getting access to things. 
  5. Reach Out: If you don’t think you’re able to say that you need help right away, you don’t have to. Initiate the conversation by using phrases like “I’m struggling”, “I think I want to see a therapist,” or “I’m dealing with (blank).” Saying ‘I need help’ is a vulnerable statement, and it’s not the only way to ask for help. Even without that phrase, your trusted adult should be able to understand the message and provide support from there.
    1. *Remember, even after you reach out to a trusted adult, continue to ask questions like “Is this treatment fitting my needs?” and “Do I need to research again?” to make sure you are adequately treating your symptoms. If not, reevaluate from step 1 and try again 

You did it! You were able to identify that you had a mental health issue and reach out. We’re proud of you for taking the necessary steps for your mental health. We wish you all luck on this journey! 

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by Moderator ★

What If Therapy Isn’t For Me ?

June 25, 2025 in Be Positive, Options

What if therapy isn’t an option at home? 

We all know therapy can be a tricky and sometimes even sensitive topic. Some people believe it doesn’t work, that no one really has your best interest at heart, or that therapists are just getting paid to sit and listen. And honestly, if that’s what you’ve been told or seen, it’s completely fair to feel skeptical.

But what if therapy isn’t just something you’re unsure about, it’s not even an option in your home?

In some households, therapy feels like a bad word. You might be taught to bottle up your emotions, to “tough it out,” or to never talk about how you really feel. That kind of environment can make it hard to speak up and over time, it can really take a toll on your mental health.

So what do you do if you want support, but therapy isn’t available or accepted at home?

Sometimes, talking to someone sounds like a great idea until you realize… your parents aren’t into it. Maybe they don’t believe in therapy. Maybe it’s not affordable. Maybe you just don’t feel safe bringing it up at all.

If that’s you, you’re not alone. And while not having access to therapy sucks, that doesn’t mean you have no options. Taking care of your mental health is still possible, even when things around you aren’t ideal.

Here are a few realistic and low-pressure ways to support yourself:

🧠 Talk to someone (even if it’s not a therapist).
 It could be a trusted adult, teacher, coach, mentor, or even a school counselor. You deserve someone in your corner.

📓 Start a “brain dump” journal.
 Write (or type) your thoughts without judgment. It doesn’t have to be deep. Just getting stuff out of your head can feel like taking a breath after holding it in all day.

📱 Follow mental health creators.
 Social media isn’t a cure, but there are legit accounts (from therapists, peers, and educators) that post helpful coping tools and positive reminders.

📚 Learn about what you’re feeling.
 Knowledge is power. Anxiety, depression, burnout—when you learn what they are and why they show up, it’s easier to deal with them.

💬 Text or call a warmline or helpline.
 Not an emergency, but still need to talk? Warmlines exist for that. They’re free, confidential, and no insurance or parent involvement needed.

🌱 Create little rituals that support you.
 Whether it’s music, going for walks, coloring, stretching, or doing literally nothing for 10 minutes—build habits that help you feel like you again.

And a reminder—this isn’t your fault.
 If therapy isn’t valued in your home, that reflects them, not you. Wanting support is never wrong. You’re allowed to care about your mind, even if no one else around you seems to.

You’re doing your best—and that matters. 💛

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by Moderator ★

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Music and Social Media

June 18, 2025 in LINKS, Social Media Guide

What are your favorite genres? Do you enjoy the stuff currently on the radio? Do you like pop, rock, rap, or any of the specific subgenres within them? Maybe you like a combination, or even all of them.

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Music is an extension of ourselves and a way to not only express, but figure out our identity. Music is especially meaningful for adolescents during a time when they’re experiencing a crucial time figuring out who they are. Studies have shown that adolescents listen to more music than any other age group and use it to help shape together their identity, since there’s often a culture and sense of style associated with different genres.

Studies have also shown that adolescents use music as a way to connect with others and make friends with those who have similar tastes, since they are likely to have other tastes in common too outside of music. Social media is one way of connecting people over their taste in music.

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Using social media to find out what your peers are listening to isn’t new: Last.fm was specifically created so that people could share what they were listening to by connecting it to their iTunes and other music sites. Of course, aspiring musicians can also use sites like Soundcloud and YouTube to post their original works, sharing it with others not just on these sites, but on other platforms too.

Nowadays, social media sites give users the option to post what music they’re listening to when they make a status (like Facebook), and some give them the choice to play a snippet of a song over their story (like Instagram). Even Spotify counts as social media: Spotify gives you the option to add friends by using your email or Facebook, and they can see what you’re listening to as you’re listening to them.

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Spotify also has a “private” listening option, so that you could listen to whatever else you want without others seeing. Both the public and private feeds on Spotify create a discussion about how people, and adolescents specifically, can manipulate what and how they listen to their music based off what others will think of them. Some might have a genre that they’re embarrassed of, or something that might not be that popular with their friends, so they might go into private mode so no one knows that they listened to it. They may only keep the regular setting on if they are listening to groups that their friends also like and contributes to the image they have created for themselves.

Picking and choosing what people see versus showing all of your music history can be similar to picking and choosing what sorts of brands adolescents want others to see them wearing and what type of photos they post on Instagram. It can be even more anxiety inducing too since adolescents listen to more music than any other age group, so it’s natural to forget that the friend feed is there as you’re listening to music, and a song might slip in that might be “judged” by someone. Some may not care, and some may not mind monitoring it. Some may even turn off this feature completely and listen to their music without others knowing when they’re doing so.

If anything, if you want to expand your taste in music outside of Spotify’s Discover Weekly, the friend feed is a great option to find some new songs.

If you use Spotify, do you have the friends on your feed? Do you look at what others are listening to, or do you think others are looking at yours? Why do you think some people judge each other’s music tastes so harshly?

Originally posted : by Moderator ★ · September 27, 2024

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by Moderator ★

When I Grow Up, I Don’t Want To Be Like You

June 5, 2025 in Educate Yourself

Photo Credit: Jose Chavarry via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Jose Chavarry via Compfight cc

Do you have friends or family members who have a mental illness and have had a lot of trouble dealing with it or did not get treatment? Many of us do. It can be tough to watch them suffer. Maybe they are someone you enjoy spending time with sometimes, but other times you feel let down because they neglect you or hurt your feelings. Having a mental illness that is not treated often means you are not doing things to be good to yourself – and if you’re not being good to yourself, it is hard to cultivate quality relationships with others.

What if then someone tells you that you also may have a mental illness? Your immediate thought might be – no, that’s not me. I’m not like my family member at all, and there’s no way my life will turn out like theirs. It’s understandable that you might worry or be upset. But then take some time to think about it a little more. It’s true that mental illness can run in families, yet every person is unique and it affects each person in a different way. Also, we are learning more and more about treating mental illness. Some of our older family members maybe did not receive enough treatment when they were younger, and we know getting treatment when you are younger helps more.

If you feel this way, remember we are like our family and then we are not like our family. Focus on yourself. Sometimes when we do that, others notice and in time, help themselves as well.

Have you experienced worries your life would be similar to a family member’s who did not get treatment for their mental illness? How did you cope with these concerns?

Originally posted by Dr. Rad ★ · June 28, 2016

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by Moderator ★

Having a Bad Mental Health Day

April 23, 2025 in Be Positive

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Living with depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues can sometimes be taxing. I know I have come across this a lot—I feel down, anti-social, or just plain exhausted! While it’s true that we are starting to talk more about mental health conditions, lots of people still find it difficult to talk about what they are experiencing. It’s especially hard when you feel like you were doing so great the past few days and today you just feel like … ugh.

I often don’t know what to say on my ugh days when someone asks me, “How are you doing today?” or, “Do you want to hang out later?” Most of the time I end up just saying something like, “I feel a little tired today—must not have slept well,” or, “I think I’m just staying in tonight, I have a lot of work to do!” Usually, what I really want to say is:

My depression/anxiety symptoms are acting up, and I’m just having a bad mental-health day.

I just feel like people can relate to tiredness and stress a bit more than a real confession of mental-health difficulties. And I don’t want to feel like I’m being a downer or burdening people with my current symptoms.

However, some friends of mine have recently started being completely open about their bad mental health days!

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They are very open about their feelings, posting on Facebook, “Hey everyone, I’m having a bad mental health day today,” followed by words of encouragement for their friends (“You are all lovely people!”) and requests for positive posts (“Feel free to send cute puppy pictures or funny videos!”). Not only were they able to express how they were truly feeling, but they also created a wonderful thread of positivity and puppy pictures.

It didn’t even feel like they were burdening anybody! And bonus, they now have a bunch of cute animal pictures—and who doesn’t want to see a bunch of cute baby animals from time to time?

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Not everyone feels comfortable to post publicly about their mental health state. But if you have a friend or close significant other, it might be helpful to let them know if today just happens to be a bad mental health day for you! I tried this recently with my boyfriend when he asked how my day went—he was super understanding of it, and it also gave me a partner in figuring out how to make my night better.

Have you ever told someone else that you were having a bad mental health day? Let us know in the comments below (and feel free to post favorite pictures of baby animals!).

Originally posted by tea_rex_627 · May 7, 2018

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by Moderator ★

Productive Anxiety

April 16, 2025 in Be Positive

Having anxiety can mean that completing even the simplest task seems impossible. Even simple tasks like opening up that initial tab to start researching for a paper or just taking a deep breath can be terrifying, because taking that first step forward to begin something you’ve been dreading can be so intimidating.

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The feelings associated with anxiety and during an anxiety attack – rapid heart beats, being on edge, having trouble concentrating on anything – can take over the actual task at hand making it seem like you’re never going to get those things done. It doesn’t help either that those who have Type A and perfectionist traits are likely to have some form of anxiety, and can get so stressed about doing something exactly perfect that they can get too anxious to even start. This can also make them even more anxious because of the guilt they have for not working.

Despite all of this, if you have anxiety, you can still accomplish the things you want and have to, despite these overwhelming feelings. One good tool is to organize yourself: writing down exactly what needs to be done and the steps you need to get there can put things in perspective, and for all you know, it’s likely that there’s even less that you have to do than you thought!

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You can also try “anxious reappraisal.” Anxiety and excitement are both arousing emotions, making your heart beat faster and gets your adrenaline pumping. However, where excitement is a fun feeling, anxiety…isn’t so much. Anxious reappraisal reframes the negative feelings about a task by having you say that you’re excited out loud. Those who repeated “I’m excited” before doing a task came across as more confident and calmer compared to those who said “I’m anxious” before doing the same thing. The people who said “I’m excited” were still nervous, but saying the sentence out loud reframes the activity as something to look forward to.

Other ways to make your anxiety productive can include thinking of the good things that doing the task will accomplish, finding a mantra to motivate you and repeat when you feel your anxiety spike, and even hiding your phone. Your anxiety may not just be about your assignment, but could also be tied to expecting a notification or missing something online, and putting your phone away can help you focus more on your assignment and focus less on potential distractions.

Trying to get started on any task is difficult, especially when it’s one that you consider to be important and want to do well on. There’s no perfect way to go about combating that anxiety, but these are some tips you can try to help with that first step.

Do you have any tips about how to get started on an important assignment when you have anxiety? How can you get excited about things that stress you out?

Originally Posted by Moderator ★ · April 8, 2019

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by Moderator ★

Nah, therapy is not for me

April 7, 2025 in Uncategorized

Studies show when people have a bad experience with therapy it can make them have a bad attitude about therapy in general. Sometimes I tell my patients that therapy could help them, and they tell me, “nah, not for me.” It totally makes sense, though, if they had a bad experience before. One time, I had a bad experience at a fast food restaurant which shall remain nameless, and I do NOT want to go back there!

What are some reasons you or others have had negative experiences with therapy?

Here are a few examples you may relate to:

The first time you went, it wasn’t your decision.

Going to therapy can help with a lot of different problems you may have – but if you were made to go or it felt like it was a punishment versus a decision you made to become more healthy, you might have a negative attitude about it. My mom used to make me pick weeds in our driveway, and I kind of have a bad attitude about gardening! Even though a lot of people enjoy it.

The therapist and you did not seem to connect.

We know a big reason therapy works is the therapeutic alliance, which we wrote about in a prior post. If you feel like you didn’t connect with your first therapist—or especially if you didn’t feel like they cared about you, that might have been a tough experience for you. Telling someone your deepest thoughts makes you vulnerable and if it didn’t work the first time, maybe you don’t want to take that risk again.

Your parent was too involved.

Maybe you think therapy wasn’t helpful if your parent was always around. You couldn’t let yourself be honest with the therapist.

You felt betrayed.

If you received therapy as a child and the therapist was worried about abuse, that is something that they have to report to the state for your safety. But when you are a kid in the mix of it, sometimes you feel like your trust was betrayed. That can be hard to deal with.

The thing is – one bad experience does not mean the next one will be. And your experience as a young person or child may be different when you are older. There are things you can do to help make sure that your next therapy experience is a good one. We know therapy works and can get you to better mental health.

If you had a bad experience before, but want to try therapy again, try these ideas:

  • make a list of the pros and cons about going to therapy—go over your list with someone you trust like a supportive adult or your primary care doctor and together, make a decision if this is a next best step for you
  • at the first session, tell your therapist what your expectations and hopes are from therapy
  • if you feel like you and your therapist don’t connect, ask for a referral to see someone else – therapists are used to this as everyone is different and sometimes certain personalities don’t click
  • if your parent is involved, talk to them about what you expect out of therapy and how you’d like them to be involved. if they would like to be very involved, talk to your therapist about whether it would be a better idea to have a family therapist in addition to individual therapy
  • at the first session, talk to your therapist about the limits of confidentiality—what do they always keep private and what if anything, are they not allowed to keep private

Do you have any other examples of negative experiences you have had? Or tips you have about making the next experience positive?

Repost, original by Dr. Rad ★ · May 18, 2016

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by Moderator ★

Discussing Mental Health Through… Memes?

April 2, 2025 in Social Media Guide

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Memes are an undeniable staple of Internet culture. If you browse around many websites and social media platforms, you will almost certainly come across image macros, Tumblr posts, viral tweets, and other content that has been circulating the web.

The majority of modern memes are captioned photos that are intended to be funny, “often as a way to publicly ridicule human behavior.“

Memes have become a method of describing different experiences and aspects of our lives in a humorous way—including mental health. In fact, mental health is one of the most common meme subjects that I’ve seen on the Internet.

On the surface, making jokes regarding mental health may sound distasteful. But when someone with a mental illness creates a meme about their condition, it may add a little laughter to their own day or even help others to understand what goes on in their mind.

Like many other teens and young adults, I shamelessly enjoy and share some of the memes that appear on my social media feeds. The whole phenomenon of memes is really intriguing to me—it’s fascinating that so many people will laugh at or relate to a quotation or picture and then add their own content to keep the humor going.

I see memes as a creative, low-pressure way of expressing our perspectives. Yes, some memes are made solely for levity, but others can convey deeper trains of thought. Memes allow us to share observations, feelings, and social commentary in a way that others are more likely to understand and find interesting

So, how is mental health discussed through memes? I think memes are a sort of coping mechanism that allows one to laugh at oneself. They make me smile and think, “Haha, I can totally see myself in that picture!” And apparently many other people do as well, considering the prevalence of posts like these.

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Of course, it’s fair to say that mental-illness memes trivialize serious conditions, and some people may find them oversimplifying or offensive. But nearly all of the memes I’ve come across are pretty relatable, and effective humor often has a considerable degree of truth. Describing my struggles in humorous terms is a way to laugh a little.

Additionally, since memes are a sort of language of their own, they can be a useful way to tell others how your illness affects you. It can be difficult or uncomfortable to tell others how you feel, but a meme might be able to illustrate a feeling or experience in a way that others can understand. This can even be the first step to having more open conversations about your mental health—it can help you ease into a difficult topic.

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A final word of advice: as with all Internet content, it’s easy to fall into the bottomless pit of mindlessly surfing the web for hours and hours, which is not conducive to good mental health. Self-care is essential for all Internet activities, which includes spending time away from the screen and taking a break if you come across something that makes you uncomfortable or upset. And while memes can bring a laugh every now and then, it’s important to remember that you are not defined by the attitudes expressed in them, just as you are not defined by your illness. Memes aren’t a well-rounded way of describing a mental illness. Real life is more complex than a few words copied onto a picture, and it’s important to be honest with yourself and others about how you’re feeling, rather than trying to project the entirety of your illness into a simple several-word meme.

What is your experience with memes? Do you think they’re helpful and relieve tension, or do you think they shame people with mental illness—or both? Let us know in the comments!

Repost, previously posted by dancingthroughlife · August 9, 2018

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How to Use Free Time to Fuel Positivity

March 24, 2025 in Be Positive

As the school year soon begins to wind down (or you may have very recently finished), you may find yourself thinking about how much free time you have coming up. Of course, this can be a great thing: you have some time where you’re not burdened by homework and assignments and for possibly the first time in a while, you aren’t restricted to a Monday-Friday schedule. It can also be stressful, and a lack of structure and schedule can actually increase symptoms of anxiety, especially for students on summer vacation.

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Of course, this isn’t to say that you have to book summer classes or stay in an academic headspace year-round (that can be anxiety-inducing too!). Studies have found that leisurely activities increase mental health benefits, and the results are stronger when they provide some sort of daily structure during long breaks or stretches of time. These may even have greater effects if these leisure activities help put you in a positive mood and are meant to increase happiness.

Not everyone’s summer is the same, and with a lack of structure, things can change everyday. Here are a couple of suggestions to add some sort of schedule depending on how much time you have to yourself on a regular basis to help ease any anxiety that may occur from feeling like you have nothing yet everything to do. These shouldn’t be treated as set schedules, since summer is unpredictable, but even doing the same sort of activity around the same time a couple of times of week can help give you a sense of a routine.

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If you have 5 minutes a day…
You can fill out a gratitude prompt or take the time to do some brief meditation and deep breathing. We’ve talked about both before if you need an app or any other references.

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If you have an hour a day…
You can take the time to do some sort of physical activity. It could be something like going to a class at the gym or your local rec center (if it’s safe enough to do so indoors), or even putting up a cycle of Youtube videos about yoga, lifting dumbbells, or whatever you have on hand. If you can’t or don’t want to be super active, you can also use this time to go for a walk outside.

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If you have the whole day…
You can do everything listed above! If you’re able to, however, you can block out the same time every day to read a book, block out another chunk of time later that to explore a new, relaxing hobby (think knitting or baking), and you can even schedule time to dedicate to watching videos online. If you live in a city or an area with a lot of places to explore, you can dedicate a couple of hours a day by exploring a new neighborhood or trying a new coffee shop.

Do you have any plans for the summer? How do you feel about giving yourself some sort of schedule over the summer? Do you notice your mood or mental health changing during long breaks?

Originally Posted by Moderator ★ · April 26, 2021

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