SOVA Blog

The Daily Catastrophes of the Girl Who Was All Wrong (A Short Story)

July 7, 2020 in Educate Yourself

I wrote the following short story (in the genre of magical realism!) about a girl who, like many of us here, struggles with anxiety throughout her everyday life.


The Daily Catastrophes of the Girl Who Was All Wrong

A Step by Step Guide on How to Brush Your Wings:

Hiding Your Imperfections

Step One — Choose the correct brush for your feather type

Step Two — Spray detangler on your brush 2-3 times

Step Three — Pick an area of your wings toward the bottom and work your way up

Step Four — Brush downward to avoid feathers sticking up instead of pointing down

Step Five — Use a small towel to rub off excess detangler 

Step Six — Spray perfume of your choice on wings to combat any possible bad smells

Catastrophe One — Getting Ready

Willow winced and pulled the blanket over her head as the alarm frantically screamed at her to get up. She slipped out of bed, glaring at the flashing numbers until the clock gave one final yelp, and then she tiptoed into the bathroom to get dressed.

Exiting a minute later, Willow sat down cross legged on the floor in front of the full length mirror mounted on her door. She stared at her figure for a moment before seeing all of her faults start to flash neon green. As usual, tears blurred her vision and caused the faults to fade back to normal, or as close to normal she could get.

And as usual, there was one fault that never faded from green back to grey. Grimacing as she looked at her large green wings, Willow picked up her feather brush and began to sort out the two monstrosities perched on her shoulder blades. Over the summer, she had used the step-by-step guide that Nora shoved in her face on the last day of freshman year so many times that she now had it memorized.

Once she was done brushing her messy feathers into something slightly more presentable, Willow drudged down the stairs and started making herself breakfast. She wished she could get away with not eating anything in the morning, but her mom had noticed that she was secretly throwing away whatever food was prepared. Now, her mom had decided that Willow could eat whatever she wanted as long as she ate something.

So, here she was, watching as a single piece of toast sprung out of the toaster and floated gracefully onto a plate in her hand. It moved with such beauty that Willow was sure the toast must be mocking her.

Catastrophe Two — Just Survive Without Interaction

After a silent car ride filled with awkward attempts at conversation from Willow’s mom, they finally pulled up to the yellow curb in front of the high school. Willow unbuckled her seatbelt, closed her eyes, and tried to ignore the disorienting dizziness that was creeping up on her. She shyly edged her way through the bustling crowd of students talking and walking every which way.

As she padded through the grey, echoey halls, Willow heard amplified murmurs containing her name flying all around her head. The voice of the captain of the football team was sucked into her ear, and she listened over and over again as he chuckled and whispered, “I dare you to go over there and talk to Dumbo!”

Willow walked to her locker, lost in her thoughts and the repeating sound of her tormentor calling her Dumbo. She quickly started placing her binders and notebooks in her backpack, and then closed her locker shut. Willow forgot how to breathe when she saw Nora and Harper standing next to her locker, looking at her like she was a dead bird being picked up with gloves and daintily dropped into the trash can.

Catastrophe Three — How to Take a Punch

“Look Harper, it seems like Dumbo finally had her growth spurt! Oh, wait… her wings have always been too big. Anyways, I need to go get my picture taken! I was just nominated for the prettiest wings award and they want to showcase my beautiful feathers in the yearbook. You know, now that I mention it, you could definitely learn a lot from the way I style my wings,” Nora sneered, laughing at Willow and the wings that were constantly weighing her down.

As Nora left Willow to sink into her skin with despair, Harper began to spin and follow Nora. Then, in a moment of undeniable regret, Harper quietly twisted around and mouthed the word “sorry,” to Willow. Her big eyes and the ashamed expression on her face shined through the darkness that was clouding up in Willow’s eyes, and Willow gave her a half-smile back. Harper frantically turned around and continued walking behind Nora before she could notice that anything had happened. Willow waited until the two girls turned left, into a different classroom, before fleeing to her own homeroom.

Catastrophe Four — Please Let Me Be Alone

Willow sighed a breath of relief when she walked into the completely empty classroom. She slipped into a seat by the very back corner of the room — an ideal place to sit when you want to avoid being noticed at all costs — and pulled out her earbuds. Over the years, she had learned that the best way to ensure that people don’t talk to you is to listen to music. As she was detangling the messy cords, Willow heard the door open and realized she had taken too long to unravel the earbuds; now she couldn’t ignore whoever might be walking into the room if they tried to talk to her.

Mrs. Bright billowed into the room and gave Willow a concerned look. “Why are you sitting all alone in here, Willow? You know, you should really be talking in the halls with your friends! It’s better for your brain development if you interact with peers as much as possible.”

“Oh I just misread the clock and thought that school was about to start, sorry,” Willow quickly lied, immediately hanging her head low and putting in her earbuds afterwards. She turned on some music and let her mind wander for fifteen calm, undisturbed, safe minutes.

Catastrophe Five — Don’t Lose Your Head Over It

Willow was so lost in her music that she had nearly forgotten she was stuck at school, but just when she started feeling a bit better, students began entering the room. There was just a light trickle at first— a few people here and there— but within a minute, the flow had become a herd of wild students on a rampage to make it to homeroom on time. With every single person that entered the room, Willow’s heartbeat sped up a notch. Soon the room was finally full, and her heart was beating with such fervor that she was sure everyone in the room must have been able to hear the vigorous thumping.

Shyly looking up, she noticed people snickering, surely at her. As the seconds passed, the noise grew unbearable, and Willow felt herself growing more and more lightheaded. She blinked, suddenly noticing her head slowly floating up and out of her body. Embarrassed beyond belief, she reached up and fastened it back on her neck before anyone around her noticed.

Luckily, Mrs. Bright cleared her throat and started calling attendance a moment later. After Willow was done struggling to raise her voice enough to say “here,” she slumped into her chair and watched as the students around her went back to talking up a collective storm. A moment before the wind from their chatter blew Willow right out of the open window near the back corner, Mrs. Bright stood up and gave everyone a stern look.

Congratulations — You Made It!

Mrs. Bright held out her hand, and in one smooth swiping motion, she zipped everyone’s mouths closed. She pointed forward and twisted her fingers, and then pulled out a key to the mouths she had just locked. Calmly smiling, she began to teach the class of silent students.

If it had been possible, Willow would have started grinning along with Mrs. Bright. She had made it to her first class on her first day of school, and while she had encountered a few disasters along the way, she knew that the worst was over now.

How strange it was, really, that only when her mouth was locked shut did Willow feel able to breathe again.


Have you ever felt like everyone has focused only on you? How do you feel in large crowds? Do you often get self-conscious and embarrassed easily? Do you have any suggestions for starting at a new school or being in a new environment?

When I’m Old

September 23, 2019 in Be Positive

This is a poem I wrote about anxiety and how things that feel catastrophic now aren’t always worth the time and stress we tend to waste on them:


When I’m Old

when I’m old and I’ve lived my whole life

my wrinkled hands won’t remember

the faded scars acquired in times of strife

my wrinkled hands will remember

the cramps conquered with years of piano

my foggy head will no longer despair

if I cannot word for word define the word nano

my foggy head will then only despair

at the wasted time spent frantically studying

when I’m old, will I regret

the grades that I’ll forget

or the times that I would fret

when I’m old, will I think back

to all the things that I lack

or when I stopped taking flak

I hope I’ll have learned it’s okay

to sometimes be led astray

I hope I’ll be able to say

I had fun while finding my way


What are moments in your life now that you want to remember? How do you think you can avoid feeling overwhelmed by anxious feelings now? Do you think you’ll remember your worries now when you’re older?

The Panic Attack Song

August 19, 2019 in Be Positive

Everyone has their own ways of coping with anxiety and panic attacks, but for me, it can be very helpful to listen to a calm, comforting song. So, I decided to write my own song to do this! I talked with a few friends who have experienced panic attacks in their own unique ways, and wrote lyrics that can hopefully resonate with and help other people too 🙂


The Panic Attack Song

Close your eyes and try to breathe… in… and out

I am here and I will not leave you

You feel so alone in the world, well guess what? So do I

So rest your head on my shoulder and let yourself cry

Sometimes they don’t know what to say to make the world stop spinning so fast

But I promise if you can just make it out of here, the pain, it doesn’t last

I’m not here to tell you that it will all be perfect someday

But I hope that you know that I’m rooting for you, and I believe you’ll be okay

Just because no one around you has noticed the pain that you’re in

That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, it just means they’re not noticing


I… I’m here for you

You can come back again and again

And I’ll always be here to help you get through


Breathe… breathe in and out

It’s okay to be hurting, no you’re not annoying

Just let this song be your hideout


Sometimes our thoughts, they tell us these lies that suffocate

But I promise that when the world looks at you, it doesn’t see what you, yourself, hate

You may think that nobody likes you or feel like nobody cares

But remember I’ve written this song for you, to mend your pain and despairs

If the feelings you’re feeling are starting to feel like too much to take

It’s okay to put them away for a bit and let a little time dull the ache

Please remember that if you need anything at all

There are people around you who love you, just a text away or a call


And I… I’m here for you

You can come back again and again

And I’ll always be here to help you get through


Breathe… breathe in and out

It’s okay to be hurting, no you’re not annoying

Just let this song be your hideout


Close your eyes and

Try to breathe… in… and out

I am here… I am here for you




What are things you wish you could hear when things are difficult? What are things you tell others when things are difficult for them?

Simple Beauty

July 15, 2019 in Be Positive

Do you ever stop to notice

the beauty of our everyday world?

aaron-burden-MksDNDq2jZo-unsplashLike how the wintry field provides us

with a white blanket of crystal grass.

How the orange sun hidden behind painted clouds

leaves streaks of pastel color as it floats up.

Or the icicle looking down at the ground

as it cries tears of watery shame in the heat?

Sometimes we get so caught up in the rush of our lives

that we forget about our surroundings.

derek-truninger-c3qvF4WR0Rw-unsplashWe might pass a blooming flower on a sidewalk

or ignore a singing bird outside a window.

Simple things like these are often forgotten

as they fade into the normal.

They are forgotten as we ourselves fade into the normal

the hurry of work and responsibility.

But if you stop what you’re doing,

stop thinking for just a moment,

and see the world around you with open eyes

tobias-greitzke-7dprOAyfkXs-unsplashand ears

and minds

and hearts,

then you’re sure to capture the everyday beauty of our world.

You’re sure to catch the simplest beauty,

the kind that never fades.


Do you do anything like noticing the little things in nature as a way of taking a break? What do you do to prevent feeling overwhelmed by work and responsibilities?

Just Jump!

June 17, 2019 in Be Positive

jonathan-hoxmark-615859-unsplash

Perfection is a deadly virus

That whispers sweet lies in your ear

It tells you that you’re not good enough

Until hurt is all you can hear

Mistakes feel like the world is ending

And you don’t deserve forgiveness

Suddenly you’re your every action

And with every slip up you’re less

Perfection is the chain that binds you

Then smiles and avoids the blame

It spurs your reach to achieve it but

Your success is never its aim

Mistakes seem to betray your journey

When really they’re lessons you’ll learn

‘Cause who really wants to win something

They didn’t have to work to earn

To be alive is to live life with a smile

And enjoy the ride for its bumps

So why can’t we, ourselves, simply live

Worry less about the outcome; just jump!

Jump for the love that you’re free to have

And jump for who you are

Jump for whatever you believe in

And jump for all your scars

Just jump!


Do you consider yourself to be a perfectionist? How do you handle or embrace making mistakes? Do you have any advice you try to remember whenever you feel self-critical?

You Taught Me

May 14, 2019 in Educate Yourself

heart-1124801_1920You taught me that life is precious.

It’s fragile and slippery

and if I stop paying attention

it might slip right out of my grasp.

 

You taught me to always remember

how much I have.

Sometimes I’ll forget

how much I really do have.

 

You taught me to be brave.

To follow my heart and to not be afraid to speak my mind,

because even when it hurts,

it always gets better if I let it.

 

You taught me to believe in myself.

To not care too much about what people say because deep down,

I know what’s right and wrong, I know what’s good and bad,

and I know what’s best for myself.

 

You taught me to embrace what makes me special.party-41458_1280

My talents are the parts of me that make me who I am,

and I can sparkle and shine

if I let the world see.

 

You taught me that to be selfless

is to comfort others even when

you are the one who desperately

needs to be comforted.

 

You taught me that to be realistic

is to let down your guard once in a while,

and accept comfort even when

you don’t think you need it.

 

You taught me that to be a good personscales-309078_1280

is to be selfless and realistic. There is a balance,

and if you break that balance you’ll break your heart

along with the hearts of those who care about you.

 

You taught me to be a good person.

You needed me to be a good person.

You helped me always be a good person,

for my sake and for yours.

 

I promise to never forget that I’m loved.


What are lessons that you have learned on your own about how you see yourself? Do you do anything for self-care or to help with your view of yourself?

Compulsions

April 9, 2019 in Educate Yourself

Compulsion.

Noun.

First definition: the action or state of forcing or being forced to do something; constraint.

Constraint…

 

Hello.

My name is I_Collect_Words, and I am no longer defined by my compulsions.

 

Let me tell you my story.

Once upon a time, not so long, long ago…

I had a disorder.

joshua-hoehne-500360-unsplash

A disorder that handed me chains and whispered sweet lies into my ears.

It flashed false smiles, lulling me into a state of vulnerability and dependency.

It contently hummed that I was finally not alone, nor would I ever be alone again.

It placed these chains into my open palms, telling me I couldn’t possibly escape my binds.

 

It lied.

 

For what felt like an eternity, I fell through the rabbit hole of my disorder.

It worked like an endless cycle, never letting me escape, not even for a moment.

Stress and anxiety caused the compulsions to appear.

The compulsions released chemicals that tricked my brain into feeling relieved.

However, this caused the part of me that was fighting against the compulsions to feel stress.

At the sight of this stress and anxiety, there were always my compulsions there to “help” me.

 

The more I struggled, the more it bothered me.

The more it bothered me, the more I struggled.

 

It was like quicksand, and I was sinking.

I was sinking fast.

I tried therapy and I tried drugs and that was all there was to try but I kept on trying anyway.

I told myself every single day that I was going to conquer this disorder.

I told myself that it was just a dumb thing my brain did: that it didn’t have anything to do with me.

I refused to give up until this thing, this thing that was holding me back, was no more.

I focused all my attention on it, forcing all my willpower into stopping the compulsions.

And yet, it only grew stronger, harder to control, harder to disobey.

 

I was completely lost; I had no clue how to stop this disorder from swallowing me whole.jonny-caspari-681920-unsplash

I was ready to give up.

I had tried everything, and none of it had worked.

There was nothing left to do.

So that’s what I did: nothing.

 

Here’s the thing about quicksand; Indiana Jones and The Princess Bride lied.

No matter how fast or slow you’re sinking, you’ll only be pulled so far under.

The truth is, as strange as it might be, humans actually float in quicksand.

 

I was prepared to lose myself to my disorder.

I’d thought I had lost all control.

I’d given myself permission to lose all control.

I’d closed my palms, gripping the chains I had been handed, and hopelessly tied myself up.

I’d quietly turned the key, hearing the lock click, and told myself that my disorder had done this.

 

Compulsion.

Noun.

First definition: the action or state of forcing or being forced to do something; constraint.

 

Constraint.

The only thing I hadn’t thought to do was to do nothing at all.

These constraints were built around a fighter, and I had been fighting against them all along.

But, like the quicksand, all I had to do to free myself was let go.

All I had to do to win was allow myself to fail.

 

I loosened my sore muscles, curled up in a ball, and cried.

The water from my tears soaked into the quicksand and thinned it out, making it easy to escape.

As I shrunk smaller and smaller, my chains had less and less to constrain.

The now rusty metal fell to the floor, rattling pathetically.

 

Compulsion.

Noun.

Second definition: an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one’s conscious wishes.

 

I had let myself believe for so long that my compulsions were irresistible.

So long, in fact, that I had forgotten who I am.

 

So, who am I?

My name is I_Collect_Words, and I am not defined by my compulsions.

 

They are a mere chemical imbalance in my brain.

The very same brain, you might note, that I control.

 

I do not have to let these urges make me behave in any certain way.

I am bigger than my compulsions, and I make my own decisions now.javier-allegue-barros-493611-unsplash

My disorder does not get to break any of my rules, especially not against my conscious wishes.

 

Compulsion.

Noun.

Imaginary constraint.

 

Compulsion.

Noun.

An irrelevant urge to behave in a certain way.

 

My name is I_Collect_Words, and I have a disorder that does not get to live my life for me.

That is my story.


How do you cope to fight back the negative feelings and the chains that your brain tries to tie you under? Have you ever experienced these feelings before? Do you have any advice on what to do when you don’t feel like yourself?

Once Upon a Sad, Sad Girl

March 18, 2019 in Be Positive

james-mcgill-57897-unsplash

Oh once upon a time,

There was a sad, sad girl

Too scared of heights to climb

As wind and thoughts would whirl.

She thought to let life pass

Was not a waste at all

For if you speak in class,

You can’t shrink quite as small

 

She wonders if she’s enough,

She screams into her pillow at night

She tries so hard to be tough,

But in the end she always loses the fight

 

Oh once upon a life,

There was a girl so scared,

That mistakes would cause strife

So she just never dared.

This girl had lost her way

Too many times to hope

That if she just would stay,

Talking would help her cope

 

She thinks that she’ll never win

She gives up when it gets too hard

She crumbles with each reckoned sin

But in the end she’s strongest where she’s scarred

 

Oh once upon a day,

A girl talked to her friend,

And as they’d laugh and play

She realized time could mend

After she tried and tried

Things started to improve.

And though she often cried

Friends helped her find her groove

 

She’s learned to put herself first

She’s healed more than she knew she could

She’s discovered that she’s gifted, not cursed

And she’s lived through the bad to see good

 

Oh once upon a time

There was a sad, sad girl,

But when the pressure climbs,

She just gives it a whirl


Have you had to deal with negative events recently that you had also gone through in the past? Did you cope with them differently compared to then and now? What advice do you have about how to embrace bad situations in the past and cope with them now?

Rise Above

March 11, 2019 in Be Positive

alexandre-godreau-203580-unsplash

Some people try to explain

The way the world works,

Some people hide away

And don’t embrace their quirks.

But if you live everyday

In constant fear of pain

Then you’re just wasting your stay,

Better to play the game

 

Life doesn’t have a remote

To pause and play all day

Sometimes we just can’t control

So please try not to stray

If you force change to behave,

You’ll always miss today

You learn you can’t always save

So try your best to say:

 

If you close your eyes

Every time you’re scared

Life will waste away

Leave you unprepared.

If you hide from pain

Then you won’t feel love

Never run away

You can rise above.

 

Sometimes life can be too much

Busy days and nights, all the rush

Need a break or a friend to clutch

Then back to earth at a loving touch

 

If you close your eyes

Every time you’re scared,

Life will waste away

Leave you unprepared.

If you hide from pain

Then you won’t feel love,

Never run away

You can rise above.


How do you cope with fear or pain? What are methods you do to embrace these feelings?

Neutron Star

February 4, 2019 in Be Positive

alexander-andrews-520231-unsplash

 

I am a star, shining bright in the night.

 

I guide travelers and wanderers, handing out all my light. I help and I save and I glow and I give. And I hold in the pain, ‘cause I’ve got to outlive.

I try brushing the stray stardust off of my shoulder. Work in vain to compress all the hurt right back in. I ignore when my heart starts to simmer and smolder. But the darkest destruction, it comes from within.

Lifetimes later it starts to go wrong. People frantically calculate numbers. All announce that I haven’t got long. Soon I’m pulled in by unwanted slumbers.

How can nothing be destroyed, if everything must end. Panic creeps in and gnaws at my soul. How can we keep moving on, if time doesn’t really mend. Now it’s too much, I’ve lost all control.

A curtain of blinding light captures me. I feel nothing and everything at once. It’s over and I have ended and I have not been destroyed, but I am no longer here. My world has been shattered. Slowly worn out, then ripped at the seams.

 

I am a supernova, crying out in the night.

 

And then deafeningly silent peace. Before me I see two paths split up. One bad and one worse. Choose the chess piece.

I could curdle, rust, rot, shrivel up, and grow black. Forever destroying, luring innocent curiosity into my pit of pain.

I could kill others’ light, because mine didn’t last. I could change who I am, because I’ve wrongly assumed that I’m already gone.

 

I could be a black hole, stealing everyone’s night.

 

Or, I could just … be broken. I could hope. I could live in pain and regret, but live nonetheless. I could accept that the damage has been done, and I’ve lost my way.

Because if there’s no black hole, nothing to suck out all the light, then there are stars. There are stars to guide me back home.

Things will be different, for I have been changed. Not for better, nor worse, but for life to take its course. For things to come and go, but going isn’t gone, because nothing’s ever gone.

Because I am not gone.

Because I am still here.

I am beaten and broken and battered and bruised. I am fragile and fractured and fragmented too. I’ve lost my energy and now the cold seeps in. I’ve lost my heat and yet the hope will still win.

I might fade out eventually. But you never know. I just might find someone else. Someone broken and fractured like me.

And if courses collide and if time’s on our side, then you might just set me free. I could be a neutron star, believing in the night. I should be a neutron star, believing in the night.

 

I am a neutron star, colliding into light.