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by Kit_smiles

Introvert

June 1, 2022 in Educate Yourself

When talking about being an introvert I don’t want to make it seem like I struggle to communicate to people because I really don’t. Due to different life circumstances, I am a bit skeptical about people’s intentions and what they may want from me.

“It takes me a couple of months to even want to talk about myself and at the same time I’m still trying to find out who that even is.”

When I meet someone that seems interested in me, and they are super excited to get to know me, I see it as a red flag. Anyone overly excited or anyone who wants to meet up in a short time I automatically am skeptical about. I don’t like meeting up with people from class etc., unless there’s a reason behind it. I wish people were more honest and unfortunately, I’ve come across a lot of dishonest people that have made me put my guard up. A part of me feels guilty because I seem distant or uninterested to those I do take interest in, but truth is I really don’t want them to know. I can be outspoken at times but it takes a while to get there. Not sure why people like rushing to get to know people. It takes me a couple of months to even want to talk about myself and at the same time I’m still trying to find out who that even is.

Would I like to start putting myself out there more ? I mean yes, of course, but I don’t like parties, I don’t like crowded areas. I don’t use certain lingo and I’m super quiet . This society is all about show and tell, and I really don’t like to do a lot of the show and telling and that’s the disconnect that I observe through all my interactions. It’s confusing for me because “post it or it didn’t happen” remains a true thing . I’d like friends and loved ones to remain in a bubble not everywhere . The world is strange and sometimes I do feel misunderstood.

Do you identify as an introvert? What are some ways you communicate and relate to others?

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by Kit_smiles

Steps

May 3, 2022 in Educate Yourself

I thought I was ready. Putting myself out there has always been a hard pill to swallow. I can admit that I’ve reached my first stage of what feels like burn out at age 20. I have taken on multiple internships and was told a contract would end at 9 months but they keep extending it. It’s all so frustrating, I also am not complaining at the same time. I feel guilty for it.

Am I a workaholic ? When I think about that word, I also think about what it means to be a loner. Watching parties on my timeline that I just don’t seem to have any interest in, makes me question myself, what I want, and who I am. I mean what do I even like? If it’s not that, then what is it. What does being a normal adult even mean? Soon all my internships will be done and I will have a big block of time on my hands, and I’m so prepared for that. This is a reminder post to be patient with yourself .

What helps you be patient with yourself? How do you navigate burnout?

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by Kit_smiles

Some goodbyes are destined to happen

February 8, 2022 in Educate Yourself

I have been so self-confident over the past few months, but sometimes I wonder if it’s true or if it’s an act. When being faced with situations where it’s clear that I’m getting to know someone who doesn’t respect me, or it’s clear that an old friend is trying to take advantage of my kindness, I wonder what my responses to these things show about myself. Dealing with difficult people is not my strong point at all. I always go for the idea that it’s good to let people express themselves, but sometimes I question that thought and think to myself, “at what expense.”

My responses these days to certain situations have been pretty laidback and neutral but I wonder where the disdain and annoyance truly go. Do these feelings follow me and do they linger because I don’t allow them to unfold? Why am I quiet 80% of the time? Am I tired of arguing and listening to people that I thought I cared about, when in reality after thinking back I realize they were not as important to me because I didn’t even care to share my feelings with them? Questions like these help me to understand myself and the role other people play in my life. 

Is there discrepancy between the face value of your relationships and what you feel you truly get out of them? How can you better understand and be more assertive in your relationships to ensure that your needs are met?

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by Kit_smiles

At Ease

December 8, 2021 in Be Positive, Educate Yourself

I’ve been feeling more at ease lately. In the past my self-esteem has not always been great – whenever I try to remember past me it’s like I don’t recognize her. I can no longer relate, which is a bit sad but good at the same time. Sometimes I miss how I use to come up with my own ideas of how people felt towards me, but this was a defense mechanism and although it was equivalent to jumping to conclusions it was like protection for me.

These days I’ve been focusing more on how I feel about other people. I’m more observant and more aware, and I’m also learning how to deal with criticism from others. I think I’ve actually had less criticism than when I had low self-esteem because my whole outlook on criticism changed. I’m no longer plagued by the fear of rejection as I once was.

I also realized what I lacked half of the time was attention in many areas of my life and sometimes I sought it from people I didn’t even like. I’ve started to smile more, love more, enjoy life more . I’ve also noticed a huge shift in my life after disconnecting with people who no longer served a purpose in my life. I know that sounds cold, but I see how valuable and important time is, and realized I no longer want to waste it. These are reasons why I’m more forgiving, yes, but less vulnerable with people from my past.

Before I was the opposite – I was more vulnerable and less forgiving. So this shows a huge change. What helped me bring my confidence up is being a part of a community, volunteering, working at a company I absolutely adore that accepted me and letting go of the past, and people who I’m generally not compatible with. All of those steps are life changing.

Have you ever taken action, whether intentional or not, on your self-esteem, relationships, and your ability to take criticism? What are emotions that you felt were negatively impacting you in reaction to certain events in your life?

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by Kit_smiles

Weirdest Introduction

October 7, 2021 in Social Media Guide

Hi, it’s Kit not Kit kat but Kit smiles because that’s what I want to do more often. Today I was on Snapchat, but for most of the day I was doing intensive research on my laptop on all sorts of things. I go on my Snapchat and I was sent streaks , which is like snap pics you send to friends. The most weirdest streak was from the guy I was seeing, he sent me a streak and I seen his tabs in which he had a tab entitled “my ex,” and how devastating (sarcasm).

Holy crap he’s still not over her ?? It does not make sense! The streak was blurry but I’m 100% sure one of the tabs said “my ex” like he was googling a question about her. That’s super weird, but it’s what I needed to see I guess? I mean rejection hurts but this was a total shock to my ego. He had like 19 tabs and my eyes literally spotted it, like walking into a clean house and immediately looking at the sink full of dirty dishes. That’s exactly how I feel – his image is now stained. I guess you can never get too comfortable with someone.

To be quite clear I don’t even know how I feel about the person, but it’s still awkward? It’s like a sneak diss , that he did not even know he exposed. I mean I’m not going to mention anything of course. But it’s very weird like I don’t know how to process my feelings, it’s just like ya know, weird. I guess distracting myself would help, maybe some mindfulness but for now I don’t know what to do with the feelings.

How do I react? Well I don’t: trying to figure out my defense mechanisms is something that I have been working on to better my mental health. I think processing emotions is key. Right now my body is signaling this voice saying “I told you so,” so it’s like I had a defense mechanism already set up for disappointment without even know it . As of right now everything else in my life is going great and my future is very promising, so I will most likely not mope around about this because this is one small aspect of my life.

Have you ever seen something on social media that affected your relationship – platonic or romantic – with someone? Have you ever been sent something over social media by accident? How has social media affected your relationships with other because of what they have sent or posted?

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