SOVA Blog

by whiterose.139

Four people sitting on shore forming two hearts with their hands during golden hour

To Be Alone or Not To Be Alone

April 17, 2023 in Be Positive

Four people sitting on shore forming two hearts with their hands during golden hour
Image: Four people sitting on shore forming two hearts with their hands during golden hour

I believe that alone time is necessary and important for cultivating a healthy life. As an introvert, I value cleaning breaks in my room and driving by myself accompanied by my favorite tunes. However, being alone can be counterproductive. I’m here to speak to and challenge you with a statement: alone time spent unwisely can drain you.

I learned this the hard way last year. Let me give you some context: I endured a serious family emergency as an unemployed and distressed individual. I isolated myself for most hours of the day. Lunch time, alone. Four hours in the morning running errands, alone. The alone time started out restful and happy. After doing this for several weeks, I started to notice a pattern. Sadness, anxiety, alone time. . . temporary comfort. . . sadness and more anxiety and avoidance.

Self-condemnation, negative thoughts, and ruminations about friendships started to plague me. Being by myself for several hours a day was draining. Yes, I completed my to-do list every week, but it became more difficult to spend time with my family and friends and sacrifice time for others. Little did I know that time with loved ones would heal me more deeply.

Employed and healing, I am now trying to spend less time alone, engaging in rejuvenating activities. It is ideal. It is challenging. Yet it is possible. At the end of the day, the purpose of alone time is to recharge and rejuvenate. Painting, writing, playing guitar. Such activities allow me to be more present to my friends and family (as exhausting as that can be).

Remember that each one of us is a social creature. We were made for relationships and wired for stories. Each one of us needs human interaction every day. Even introverts. Some of my most memorable times in these past few months have been ignited by time with others.

The next time an anxious part of you keeps whispering, “Stay home alone,” take a moment to reconsider…

I am curious to know what you all think about alone time, so please leave your thoughts in the comments below!

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by whiterose.139

plant growth

Getting Out of the Mud

December 6, 2022 in Educate Yourself

Have you ever been so stuck in the mud of your own thoughts? In these moments where we stand our ground in our beliefs and perceptions, we exhibit a fixed mindset. Fixed mindsets often take root in our childhood. When I was around 4 years old, I believed that people outside of my home are dangerous. Little me feared my assistant kindergarten teacher, peers, and other parents. Such fear drove my decisions to focus on schoolwork over friendships. Thoughts such as “I can’t make friends” and “I’ll never be able to go to social events” ran around in my head. Safety outside of my home was foreign. Something as simple as a birthday invitation welled up anxiety in me.

As I transitioned into high school and college, part of me started to challenge my socially stubborn beliefs. I started to seek out new friends and place trust in teachers. Moreover, I began to seek professional help for my anxiety. I found safety in a “stranger’s” office. My mind started to believe that people can be welcoming and trusted. This reawakening drove my decisions to go on two mission trips, lead a bible study, and babysit for multiple families. I replaced former thoughts with “I can make friends” and “Even though social events make me anxious, I have the strength to go to one”. Thus, I have begun to adopt a growth mindset.

There are still times where the little girl inside of me freezes out of fear during social situations. Some days I am able to calm her down. Other days she runs away from me. I invite you today to reflect on a belief or set of beliefs that you have held onto since childhood. I challenge you to re-evaluate these beliefs.

To learn more about developing a growth mindset, here is a video:

Enjoy!

What are some beliefs that you have held on to since childhood or has since changed? Have you heard of growth mindset before?

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

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by whiterose.139

Embracing Pauses over Perfection

October 3, 2022 in Be Positive

How many of you freak out when there is a pause in a conversation? If you answered yes to this question, I’m right there with you. For me, silence and pauses result in tense muscles and shaking lips. When there is silence, thoughts stream through my mind: I don’t think he likes me, what am I supposed to say??, is the conversation over already?!. Throughout the conversation, I pay more attention to my jumbled thoughts and restlessness than to the other person. I try to re-focus on him or her. But I soon find myself swimming in a pool of thoughts again. This cycle results in self-absorption and wasted worry energy.

Let me illustrate with an example: One afternoon during my junior year of college, I met up with a girl in my bible study for the first time. As I made an effort to get to know her, I focused my energy on keeping the conversation going. “How many siblings do you have? What classes are you taking? I this. . .I that.” There was barely any room to breathe. There was not a lot of room for her to get to know me. I led myself to believe that it was my fault if there was a pause in the conversation. I thought I had to fill the space. Though I appeared calm, cool, and collected, my legs were crossed so tight that my bottom leg was vibrating. And I was slouching over as my neck muscles tensed up. At the end of the conversation, I barely remembered what she shared. Instead, I replayed the conversation in worry mode.

I am here to tell you that silence in conversations is natural and normal. Conversation is an exchange, not a test or a performance (even interviews!). Very recently, I started begun to embrace the silence. Here are some tips that help me:
1. Phone calls: Going for a walk helps process your thoughts more clearly. When there is a pause, you can take in the beautiful tree next to you or wave at a passerby.
2. In person: You can give the person a smile, even if it’s an awkward smile.

Remember that the conversation is not all on nor all about you! Sit back, breathe, listen, and marvel in the exchange. Hone in on the beautiful truth that you have the opportunity to communicate with another human person!

How do you feel when there are periods of silence in conversation? Do welcome pauses in conversations or do they feel uncomfortable? What are tips that have helped in the past with lulls in conversation?

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by whiterose.139

Taming the Mental Monster

August 18, 2022 in Educate Yourself

Hello everyone! I am really excited to be a part of the SOVA blog. As someone who has been experiencing anxiety for the past 5 years, writing is an outlet for me. It is SO powerful. So, here we go!
 
Anxiety breeds in the waters of endless thoughts and fears. They prowl around in our minds like an invasive species. The longer the thoughts inhabit our mind, the scarier they can become. We begin to fear our thoughts. They sometimes transform into monsters that we think we have no control over. We start to live as if we are the prey of our thoughts. I’m here to tell you (from experience and 2 and a half years of therapy) that we DO have control over our thoughts!
 
You have the power to tame worries and anxieties. Two ways to do so is to bring them out of your head by:
 
1. Writing them down: When I feel really anxious, I go to my “feelings journal” and write out exactly how I’m feeling. For example, “Right now, I am feeling super anxious but I don’t know why. Today seemed like a good day on the outside but my heart is pounding out of my chest.”
2. Telling them to someone: Call up a friend when your thoughts are really loud. Friends have an outside perspective and can speak the truth into any lies.
 
So, remember to listen to your thoughts, write and/or speak them, and they will be at rest (at least for a little bit!).

How do you tame the “mental monster”? Have you tried these tips before? If so, what was your experience like?

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