Supporting Our Valued Adolescents: A place to learn, share your strength, be positive, and grow.
by Moderator ★
May 17, 2024 in LINKS
This video was based on a TED talk by Dr. Brené Brown. She is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent more than a decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.
Have you been on either side of the hole? Have you ever climbed down with a friend?
by Moderator ★
May 14, 2024 in Social Media Guide
We all want to have the best experience that we can on social media. Even if it seems that there’s a lot going at once online, from the 24/7 news cycle to the millions of accounts that we can encounter, we still have the ability to control our experience. We can choose who we want to follow, what topics and tags to track, and can go private so we can limit who we want to engage with.
Blocking doesn’t just give you the ability to completely hide someone’s account and their content from yours, but it prevents that person from ever having access to viewing and interacting with your account too. Everyone has their different reasons for wanting to block someone, but essentially, it’s a last-resort, final move to let someone else know that they do not have the right to be a presence in your online life (and by extension, your real life) and they are having a negative impact on you.
Most of the time, blocking is warranted and done for safety, security, and for a healthier state of mind. These include accounts that belong to an ex (especially ones who are toxic), companies or people who promote content that can trigger you (like dieting or #fitspo accounts), or accounts that spread messages about hate (especially ones that attack your identity). Blocking people who you know who have negatively impacted you, like through bullying, toxic friendships, and constant harassment and contact, can also help improve your well-being.
Blocking can be tricky though, especially when it comes to people you know. If the person finds out they’ve been blocked, for example, they may get upset, especially if they don’t think they should have been blocked. Some may see it as a sign of being passive-aggressive if there wasn’t a conversation about how both of you have been feeling, and it can escalate into conversations or arguments that can affect everyone negatively. Although more direct, blocking can be interpreted the same way people interpret being subtweeted: for example, people getting blocked can make them feel anxious or guilty.
Relationships in general can be hard to navigate, but social media and the power to indirectly tell someone who don’t want them around adds another element. There are many reasons to warrant blocking, but if the people you’re blocking are those you know and you feel comfortable talking to them about any issues that you are having, it’s worth trying to find a way talking through it first before hitting the “block” button.
Have you ever blocked any accounts? Did they ever belong to anyone you know? What do you think warrants a block?
by Moderator ★
May 11, 2024 in LINKS
Dr. Kristin Neff, Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at University of Texas at Austin, has spent much of her career researching self-compassion. What is self-compassion? How is self-compassion helpful? How can we get better at having compassion for ourselves? Read on to find out!
Neff writes, “Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings.” She emphasizes the humanness of mistakes, losses, and disappointment; we all share these common experiences and feelings. Having the same compassion for ourselves that we would have for a friend is a key step towards self-acceptance.
Kristin Neff has a lot of guided practices and self-compassion exercises available on her website. Here are some journaling ideas if you are hoping to get started on your self-compassion journey:
For more tips on self-compassion, we recommend checking out Kristen Neff’s book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, or visiting her website at https://self-compassion.org/.
What is something that you have judged yourself for recently? How can you respond with greater self-compassion? Comment down below!
by Moderator ★
May 7, 2024 in Educate Yourself
Although talking to friends often comes more naturally, there are some situations in which parents or guardians can shed a brighter light on a tough situation than your peers. Whether you feel that your relationship is strong with your parents or not, they are the ones who care more about your well-being than anyone else. Tough subjects to bring up with parents can include a wide range of topics, anywhere from a speeding ticket to self-harm. Here are 3 steps to help you feel ready to approach a tough subject.
1. Decide before you begin talking what your goal is.
Knowing ahead of time what you want to get out of your conversation can help you stay calm and prevent the conversation from leading down a different path. You may want specific advice, or you may just want to be listened to without judgement. Either way, being prepared can help you and the adult stick to what will be most beneficial for you.
2. Recognize your feelings and be upfront about them.
More often than not hard subjects are hard because of the emotion behind them. You could be scared, ashamed, or simply embarrassed to talk about certain things with your parents, but the best way to deal with those feelings is to be honest about them. For example, you could say, “I need to talk to you, but I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you.” By letting your parents know how you are feeling, they can be better equipped to help, and you can know that you are being heard.
3. Pick a good time to talk.
Just as being calm yourself can help when approaching a difficult talk, things will go more smoothly if your parent is calm as well. Try to find a time when they are not busy working on something else. If you are unsure, tell them that you need to talk and ask when would be a good time for them.
Overall, thoughtful planning is what will help you the most when discussing something difficult with a parent. By following these steps, you will give you and your parent the best shot at working through it together.
You can also read more about talking to parents in general and about difficult topics at http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_mind/Parents/talk_to_parents.html#
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Do you think these are helpful tips? Or do you have more tips for people talking about difficult topics? Tell us about them!
by Moderator ★
May 3, 2024 in Be Positive, LINKS
You might have heard the phrase that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. The amount of muscles that it takes is up for debate (some places say it takes 13 to smile and 33 to frown, some say 22 to smile and 37 to frown) and it’s not really a fact – it hasn’t even been proven to be true – but the mentality remains: it’s better to smile than it is to frown, and takes less effort.
Happiness itself isn’t a choice; mental illness can make it difficult to feel positive and happy, but just the act of smiling can make a difference. Just like deep breathing or going for a walk, this action sends messages to your brain to help lift up your mood. Laughing also has the same effect, but sometimes that can feel like too much effort at times (after all, forcing laughter can feel so awkward). Choosing to smile and making yourself lift the corners of your mouth upwards activates the release of hormones like dopamine and endorphins, which can make you feel better and combat stress.
Then of course, there’s the common belief that smiling is also contagious. This goes both ways: by smiling, you might inspire someone around you, whether you know them or not, to feel a little happier and smile themselves, or you can surround yourself with people who have a smiley disposition and feel the effects of being around that.
It might seem silly to try smiling at nothing, but it can be a boost of energy and positivity by using just a few muscles (13, or 22, or whatever number it is depending on who you ask).
Have you ever tried smiling without any reason? What do you think of the idea? What makes you smile?
by Moderator ★
April 29, 2024 in Educate Yourself
Nightmares are never fun. They can feel like horror movies come to life, often times created specifically for you and the things that terrify and worry you the most. We all experience nightmares, but between 2-8% of adults are affected by them to the point that their sleeping patterns are drastically disrupted. Children between the ages of 3-6 are more likely to be affected by nightmares and have trouble getting rest as well, which can be especially damaging considering that they need between 10-13 hours of sleep.
These effects are also concerning when tied in with other statistics about mental health. Those coping with a mental illness are likely to have trouble sleeping, and there is research showing that the less sleep an adolescent gets, the likelier they are to have suicide ideation and/or use substances. Insomnia symptoms and sleep can be affected for a number of reasons, including anxiety buildup, depression naps that throw off the sleep cycle, and of course, nightmares.
It can be difficult functioning for those having trouble sleeping and those who are prone to being shaken up by the nightmares they experience. However, addressing your nightmares can not help you understand the state of your mental health, but confronting and rewriting them may potentially help you feel better. This is known as imagery re-scripting therapy and imagery exposure therapy. Through these methods of rewriting nightmares to a more satisfying ending and exposing people to the nightmares that worry them (think of it as “confronting one’s fears”), people may experience nightmares less frequently and less intensely and it can help them with their stress.
Trying to get a good night’s rest can be difficult. Not only can activities, school, and other sorts of events get in the way, but worrying about said events, mental illness, and nightmares – whether they’re created by these situations or not – can also have a large impact. Taking control of all of these can be hard and even downright impossible, but trying something like tackling nightmares you’ve experienced and changing the narrative may be a place to start.
Do you experience nightmares? Do you remember them, and if so, what effect did they have on you? Have you ever tried rewriting situations that worry you into something that’s more positive? Would you consider trying it?
by Moderator ★
April 26, 2024 in Educate Yourself
Being a young person is full of changes, and some of these changes may lead you to having questions about your health.
You might wonder whether the things you’re feeling, thinking or experiencing physically are normal. Oftentimes to get answers to the questions we have, we search the Internet. It’s nice because it’s so convenient and fast. Also you don’t have to share with anyone what you’re looking up – so no embarrassment! Right?
But do you really find the answers you’re looking for? Here’s an example of when using the Internet to look for answers can go wrong. Let’s say you feel a lump on your neck. Maybe there was a Dr. Oz episode about diagnosing tumors early. You begin to wonder if it’s a tumor. You look it up online and see all kinds of possible scary cancers! Keeping these thoughts and online research to yourself can make you really stressed! The fortunate truth is most young people who find a lump on their neck will not have cancer. So how do you get your health questions answered accurately without getting stressed out?
You should know that a trusted adult can be more helpful – they most likely have had similar experiences and can help you think it through – and if they don’t know the answer, you can always talk to your doctor or a health professional. Here’s some advice about how to talk to adults about your health!
Also as teenagers get older, it can be important to begin having some independence in regards to your health. Try talking to your parents about becoming more independent during your doctor visits. Listed below are a few steps from the University of Michigan on how teenagers can become more independent during their checkups:
Do you have any other suggestions or stories about talking to a trusted adult or medical professional about your health or about becoming more health independent? We would love to hear!
by Moderator ★
April 23, 2024 in Be Positive, Educate Yourself, LINKS
School, extracurricular activities, family responsibilities, and work obligations: many young people are juggling a lot at once. Often burnout is discussed when talking about demanding careers, but the burnout teenage students experience is left out of the conversation. We talk about “self-care” often but it is not always practiced. This can lead to burnout, the feeling of being physically and mentally exhausted. Burnout tends to creep up unexpectedly, but knowing what to look for can help us cope. What can we do to prevent and cope with burnout?
Knowing what to look for is an important step in reducing burnout. Have you ever felt exhausted, easily overwhelmed, and under-motivated? You might notice changes in your sleep and eating patterns, or maybe you are experiencing frequent headaches and stomach aches. These things can be signs of burnout. Instead of pushing them off to the side, acknowledge that you might be experiencing burnout.
Burnout is tough, but when you know what to look for and how to cope, it is manageable. Remember to ask for help, take time or yourself, and remind yourself that you are doing your best.
Have you experienced burnout? What has helped you manage burnout in your life?
by Moderator ★
April 19, 2024 in Educate Yourself, LINKS
Facing the ups and downs of life can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster ride. School stress, social pressure, and conflict at home can make you feel overwhelmed. A therapist can support you in navigating life’s ups and downs. Because of the media portrayal you might picture a therapist talking to a client sitting across from them on a couch. Or maybe you picture a physical therapist working with a physical injury. Did you know there are many types of mental health therapy too? If you feel like therapy has not worked in the past for you, consider a few different approaches to mental health therapy. Once you find what works for you, the outcome will be worth the trial and error!
Remember that there is not one type of therapy that fits every individual. It may take a few tries to find a therapist that works for you. There is no issue too small for therapy if it is causing you any stress or pain. Stay strong, stay curious, and remember you are not alone!
Do you have any experience with the types of therapy above? Is there another type of therapy that works for you? Let us know in the comments!
by Moderator ★
April 17, 2024 in Social Media Guide
That may sound a tad overdramatic, but if you’ve ever logged onto one of your social media accounts and have seen even just one fewer follower, you likely have had a million questions begin running through your head:
Who was it?
Was it because of a recent post?
Was it because they were annoyed with my entire account?
Should I also unfollow them?
Are other people going to unfollow me too?
These questions are completely natural to have. But for those who have symptoms of social anxiety, these questions can feel that much more daunting and can even be debilitating as they question not just why one person stopped following them, but if others will too. This kind of snowball thinking can have them question if they need to change their content, if they should post more or less, and so on.
Even those who find themselves overanalyzing and getting caught up in an unfollow may feel that this seems a little silly. But in an age where social media is an incredibly common form of communication and way to connect with others, it’s okay to feel upset, and even worried that this is some sort of marker for your relationship with someone. Many platforms have ways to track your followers too, which doesn’t help with these anxieties.
Obviously not all unfollows are treated the same either. If you do choose to find out who unfollowed you, and it’s someone you either don’t know or barely know, it shouldn’t be an unfollow worth missing. This person’s opinion shouldn’t matter to you, because you don’t have any sort of significant relationship with them. If they’re someone you wouldn’t want to have a long conversation with online or offline, pay them no mind. If it’s someone you consider yourself closer with however, it’s really up to you to question why they might have done so. Depending on the relationship, you might feel comfortable just bluntly asking them, but you might have to be prepared to have a conversation about the content you post or about your relationship as a whole. On the other hand, it might not even be that significant and may have even been a mistake!
Navigating relationships is always difficult and stressful, and social media adds a whole new layer to it. Overall, unfollowing, “breaking the mutual,” and a decrease in statistics should have little to no impact on you and how you view yourself, but social anxiety can make it seem much more important than it actually is. Unfollows from people you do care about can understandably make you upset, but it can lead to a conversation that may need to be had about where you two stand with each other and can come out stronger. In the end however, social media is not real life and should not define your relationships with someone, as easy as it is to believe that it is.
Have you ever unfollowed someone you’re close to? Do you keep track of your followers? Why do you think we place a huge emphasis on numbers on social media?
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