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YouTube, YouTubers, and Relationships

July 19, 2024 in Social Media Guide

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It’s difficult not to feel even a little jealous when scrolling through our numerous feeds, seeing people we know participating in adventurous activities and hanging out with other people, wishing we could do the same instead of viewing someone else doing so on a screen. FOMO is an all too familiar term, but recently, the fear of missing out has only intensified with the increased use of social media, particularly when it comes to the endless material from YouTube, one of the most popular sites for adolescents.

When watching our favorite television shows and movies, we find ourselves drawn to certain characters and form an attachment to them. These characters are usually a huge contributor to why we like what we consume so much; we develop somewhat of a one-sided relationship to them, wanting to see them succeed, viewing them as a role model, or perhaps seeing them in a romantic light. These parasocial relationships – a one-sided relationship with the media we consume – are taken to the next level when it comes to actual people. However, while this was pretty much limited to glitzy Hollywood celebrities, YouTube culture and influencers have taken these relationships to an entirely new level.

Unlike fictional characters, who don’t exist, or celebrities, who are unattainable, there’s something about watching someone who’s just like us living a luxurious, yet attainable life. Even though we aren’t capturing our lives on film and uploading them in easily consumable 20 minute vlogs, we can relate to their easy senses of humor, their mundane tasks and chores, their get-togethers with their friends who we also watch. It’s like we’re being invited into their lives, almost as if we’re their friends as well.

Some say that these YouTube parasocial relationships can have its benefits, giving adolescents with low self-esteem find their ideal selves, using YouTubers to find traits that they too could have and adapting them. By seeing these YouTubers as an ideal, adolescents can be more motivated to set goals for themselves to accomplish something akin to what these relatable creators do. However, it’s important to remember that these relationships aren’t even that, as they are one-sided and there is no reciprocity from the YouTuber’s side, simply because they don’t know the viewer beyond a statistic. These imagined relationships with the creator can play a large role in how adolescents socially develop and how they view relationships away from the screen with those they physically interact with.

Of course, YouTube is still a source of entertainment at the end of the day. We enjoy watching people, whether fictional, celebrities, or creator, because there’s something about them that appeals to us. Though at the end of the day, the screen and reality are two different worlds.


Do you watch YouTubers? If so, why do you watch them? Do you think watching vlogs can affect your view on relationships?

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How do you respond to life’s struggles?

July 18, 2024 in Be Positive

Thoughts about how you approach a situation.

Do you have any advice for others going through struggles in life?

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A shoulder to lean on

July 17, 2024 in Educate Yourself

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If you really needed help, who could you count on? You might think first of a friend your own age, and while they may be good at listening and empathizing with you, they might not know what kind of advice to give you. Not because they don’t want to help, but they just haven’t had enough experience.  Sometimes going to a supportive adult can help a lot.  With time, you get experience, and experience helps you to learn what things work well – and what things do not.  A supportive adult can be your parent, relative, teacher, priest, therapist, nurse, doctor.  But how do you know they are someone you can depend on?

Ask yourself:

  • Does this person care about me? do they want me to succeed?
  • Are they someone who I consider a role model? someone I wouldn’t mind being like when I get older?
  • Have they been kind to me in the past?
  • Do they listen to what I have to say?
  • Do they respect me and my decisions?

These questions might help you figure it out. If you don’t have a supportive adult, spend some time sharing that with a teacher or healthcare provider who works with young people. These adults spend a lot of time caring for and giving advice to young people and are often willing to listen and lend a helping hand.

How has a supportive adult helped you in the past? Are there any questions you would add to our list?

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How’s it going? Fine…

July 16, 2024 in Educate Yourself

A few of your comments on previous articles mentioned that some of us feel looking back, we wish we would have opened up more with a therapist.

What are your worries about opening up? Some people may worry about:

  • Feeling judged
  • Feeling embarrassed
  • Being told that something is wrong with them
  • Privacy
  • Being let down
  • Getting hurt
  • Not being able to deal with raw emotions
  • Having a panic attack

Of course these are all valid  concerns. Some things that may help is that a therapist’s job is to listen to people’s thoughts and about intimate details of their lives. This means that probably what you are telling them is a version of something they have heard before or at least something they have training in.

A therapist’s role includes:

  • Making you feel safe and comfortable
  • Listening without judgment
  • Helping you reach the goals of your therapy
  • Keeping what you tell them private
  • Helping you gage if you need to take a break if your emotions are too strong

If you are getting therapy and you feel like you are not there yet and cannot open up enough with them, be honest. Let them know that you are having a hard time opening up and sharing. This is something they can help you work on! Also if it’s not a right fit, its ok to tell them that too.

Have you had trouble opening up to a therapist? Are there ways you overcame this?

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Using Weighted Blankets to Stay Calm

July 15, 2024 in Educate Yourself

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It feels that there are a ton of products available recently to help your mental health, particularly with calming anxiety. Some use essential oils, or you may have heard of light lamps, and of course, the classic stress relief ball

Weighted blankets have started to become more popular recently. These products are a level up if you’re the type of person who finds comfort in burying yourself under the covers as a coping mechanism to calm down: they’re heavier versions of regular blankets ranging from 4 to 30 pounds specifically designed to help those with disorders just as anxiety, autism, and insomnia, with physicians recommending getting one that’s 10% of your body weight. The weight is evenly distributed and is meant to help “ground” the user – not in a way that traps them – but provides some sort of stability as they relax or sleep.

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The benefits of weighted blankets are mostly from people sharing anecdotes, or their personal stories about it, but some researchers have found that using a weighted blanket shows an increase in activity in people’s parasympathetic system (or the part of the nervous system that your body uses to rest and stay calm). Others have found that 78% of participants in their study preferred a weighted blankets as a calming mechanism and 63% reported lower anxiety. Users who have shared their experiences with weighted blankets include not just those experiencing anxiety, but PTSD as well, stating that it serves as a distraction for their brain.

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What’s important to keep in mind is that there hasn’t been as much research on the product and you should not use this if you have conditions such as sleep apnea or other sleep disorders, respiratory and/or circulation problems, or have a chronic health condition. Because of the weight and the material, weighted blankets can have a tendency to get too hot too, which may not be the best option during the summertime. It’s also not a cure-all: weighted blankets shouldn’t be used everyday nor as a substitute for therapy or medication.

If you have trouble sleeping at night due to anxiety or because of depression, need help coping help with anxiety or panic attacks, or just need something to help keep you calm when things get too overwhelming however, using a weighted blanket may be an option to consider.


Have you ever used a weighted blanket? How do you think they would be different than regular blankets? What other mechanisms have you used to relax and keep calm when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

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Deciding What Social Media Platforms May be Negatively Impacting You

July 12, 2024 in Social Media Guide

How many social media accounts do you have? A Pew research study found that about 75% of adults have more than one social media account. This number is likely to be pretty high in teens and adolescents who grew up with technology and social media.

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Not all social media platforms are created equal, though. Some serve different purposes, like how some are likely to use Twitter for news and Instagram to share their creative photography. Despite these different purposes however, there’s been a lot of overlap now that these platforms share a lot of features and have a lot of users on them.

With that all being said, the aesthetics of the site, the people you follow, and how those people share and post content can affect you differently depending which one you’re on. For some, these different feelings might be obvious, but it’s likely that you’re unable to tell because of the sheer amount of accounts that you may be cycling through. After a while, using these sites may all blur together, which may also contribute to that overwhelming, stressful feeling you might get by spending a lot of time on social media.

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So if you are feeling overwhelmed by social media, or even if you feel like something is off and you’re mentally not feeling your best, it might help to apply some organization tips towards your phone, tablet, or computer. By spending a few minutes on the social media platforms you’re actively using, you can attempt to separate them and spend some time asking yourself questions about how each make you feel. You can write down these feelings about each platform, and afterwards take a few minutes to see which exactly are causing particular stronger negative emotions. You can ask yourself questions such as, “Why is this platform making me feel like this?” “Is this platform worth keeping?” “How can I improve my experience on this platform?”

Hopefully, by taking a step back and evaluating exactly which platforms are affecting you and why these platforms are doing so can give you some time to self-reflect and find ways to improve not just your social media experience, but your mood and mental health overall.


What are the social media platforms that you use the most frequently? Do you have more than one? Have you noticed if you feel differently depending on which one you’re on?

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“Accidental Bullying” — Has This Ever Happened To You Or Someone You Know?

July 11, 2024 in Social Media Guide

Have you ever heard of “accidental bullying?” The term was coined by author Sue Scheff. It refers to a situation when someone unintentionally hurts another person’s feelings in a public way—for example, on social media. To learn more about accidental bullying, read Scheff’s article in HuffPost and watch the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97de0hsC7xI

“It was just a joke… But it’s not so funny anymore.” 

She thought the note he gave her was silly, and she shared it online with her friends and made fun of him in messages. And now her “joke” has ruined the young man’s reputation.

Have you ever been an accidental bully? or accidentally bullied someone else?  

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Where Do LGBT+ Youth Look for Mental Health Support?

July 10, 2024 in Social Media Guide

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Although the internet is most likely the preferred method for pretty much anyone trying to learn more information, whether it be news stories, recipes, or advice from those who have gone through similar experiences, it’s particularly important for LGBT+ youths.

The Trevor Project released a new national report recently about LGBT+ youth mental health, and while some of the results they found, while upsetting, may not seem surprising (for example, more than half of LGBT+ youth experienced depressive symptoms in the past year, have faced discrimination, and felt that the recent political climate and COVID has negatively impacted their mental health or sense of self), they also included some information about how LGBT+ youth use social media.

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One of the ways that LGBT+  youth use social media is through a means of support for the above items. Online community is an important aspect for LGBT+ people on social media, since it gives them a place to talk to and be with others who understand what they’re going through and can provide advice, and it gives them a chance to explore their identity before they’re comfortable enough to come out to those they know in real life. Most LGBT+ youth reported that they had access to social media spaces that supported their identities: 69% said they used social media for LGBT+-affirming spaces, compared to 50% at school and 34% at home.

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And while major social media sites like YouTube and Facebook have been criticized – especially recently – for how they moderate LGBT+ harassment on their platforms, LGBT+-affirming spaces on social media can include finding information too. This could include watching TikToks or YouTube videos about gender transition or joining private groups to see how other LGBT+ youth cope with the mental health issues they may be going through and how it ties in with their identity.

There’s a comfort for people to look for information and help online in general, but for LGBT+ youth, this comfort also comes with the feeling of safety, without feeling like they have come out to those they know in real life in order to seek the treatment that they may need, especially if they aren’t sure how those people will react. Of course, it’s equally as important to consider your safety on social media too when looking for a community or for information, but there is also an anonymity tied to it that can make navigating your identity a little bit easier.


What sources have you used online to learn more about mental health? If you identify as queer, are there any that specifically talk about LGBT+ mental health?

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Queer Adolescents of Color

July 9, 2024 in LINKS

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QPOC, an acronym standing for “queer people of color,” are minorities in several ways. Not only are they racial minorities, but they are also members of the LGBTQ+ community. This intersectionality – the ways that things like discrimination and disadvantages overlap if you belong to more than one marginalized group – can be difficult, especially during adolescence.

Not only are these adolescents figuring out where they belong in their community and how much they want to show of their race and culture (think of code-switching, for example), but they are also trying to figure out their sexuality. The way they view sexuality and queerness can also be affected by their culture’s views on the topic, which may make it harder for them to come to terms with. One recent example of this is the controversy associated with Kevin Hart and the Oscars: he lost the hosting job because of his homophobic tweets, and while Ellen DeGeneres, a white lesbian, interviewed him about the topic, black queer people responded about how the situation is much different for them.

Because the rates of mental illness in racial minorities, LGBTQ+ people, and adolescents are alarmingly high, it’s almost not surprising to see that that QPOC youth have a high risk of being diagnosed with a mental illness as well. Unfortunately, because of the issues that come with intersectionality, it can be even more difficult to access treatment for reasons such as the potential higher stigma against mental illness and therapy, and the process of deciding who they would feel comfortable coming out to. As a whole, QPOC are also at high risk for items such as substance abuse, trauma, suicidal intention, and poor relationships with adults, as well as the threat of rejection, discrimination, and violence.

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Fortunately, people are beginning to pay more attention to the needs of queer adolescents of color. Articles are discussing ways that clinicians from privileged spaces (i.e. white, cisgender, and straight) can keep their patients’ identities in mind and how to be mindful of a potentially drastic power dynamic, while others are giving attention to minority therapists and giving advice on how to find one. Groups and popular websites are creating spaces where queer youth of color can share their experiences and stories in order to let others know that they are not alone, as well as the forgotten histories of other QPOC. And of course, queer youths of color are making their voices known through social media.

Representation is also key in helping QPOC. Reports come out annually about how much minorities, such as women, POC, and LGBTQ+ people, are shown on TV shows and movies throughout that year. Most of these generally have an optimistic tone, but there doesn’t seem to be much reported about the overlap, such as lesbians of color. This is especially true for shows meant for tweens and teens, like the CW, where queer characters, especially women, are almost always white. Adolescents who identify as QPOC and watch shows that appeal to them are not likely to see themselves on screen, therefore making them feel even more invisible, as they may already have trouble fitting in with what is considered to be “normal” development patterns at adolescence.

If you are a QPOC, know someone who is one, or want to find out more resources, the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network provides more information, including a directory of therapists who are QPOC, where you can learn more about how intersectionality affects them. 


Are you a QPOC? If you are one, how does your race, sexuality, and/or gender affect you? How do you think intersectionality, or belonging to more than one marginalized group, can affect one’s identity and mental health?

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Managing Guilt Online

July 8, 2024 in Social Media Guide

It’s really easy to unintentionally hurt people’s feelings online. We may not even know we’re doing it, and it’s impossible to predict how people who follow us may respond, but everything online is going to cause some sort of reaction, no matter how big or small.

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Because of this, we may find ourselves worrying how people, whether specific people or people as a whole, are going to react to the kind of content we post. While thinking about how audiences will respond to social media posts is incredibly common, those with anxiety may experience this worry on another level. This is due to the tendency for those with anxiety to “mind read,” or basing their actions and emotions in response to how they think people are going to react to something they do that hasn’t even happened yet.

Mind-reading can thus lead to more intensive, particularly negative feelings as we go online and look at our profiles and see how we post, or what we plan to post. One of these feelings is guilt, where we may feel bad if we post something that might be taken as controversial, feel that it could be triggering to someone, or make them experience some level of FOMO if you post about hanging out with someone else, even if you don’t know them that well.

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If you do find yourself feeling guilty about potentially or after posting something, take the time to ask yourself if there’s anyone specific that you’re worried about upsetting and what your relationship is like with them. Do you talk to them often? Is this someone you care about? What is the item that you’re considering posting that is causing these guilty feelings? If it’s something you care a lot about, but think that it might upset people, you can consider adding trigger or content warnings. Even if the item has already been posted, there’s also nothing wrong with editing it, adding a follow-up post, or even going back to delete it if the guilt feels particularly heavy. 

Social media is always hit-or-miss in regards to how people react, including yourself to your own content. It’s important that your profile represents you, but remember that others can see it too, and if that’s going to affect how you post and feel, it’s important to keep these questions in mind.


Have you ever posted something that made you feel guilty after you posted it? What was it about? Do you think certain kinds of posts can cause more negative reactions than others?