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Supporting Our Valued Adolescents: A place to learn, share your strength, be positive, and grow.

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A white background with a sketch of a laptop in blue. In all caps, the screen says privacy. there arrows drawn from the laptop pointing to the logos of facebook, linkedin, twitter, a heart, a small group of people, and the words "what privacy." the arrows are black while the images are a red, blue, or yellow

Going Private

July 23, 2024 in Social Media Guide

You may think of two different things when you think about social media. You may think that social media makes everyone an open book, spilling all their secrets and sharing too much information so you know where they are, what they’re eating, and who they’re with at any given moment. You may alternatively think that social media is fake and controlled, and that people on social media only share what they think will get them the most attention.

Regardless, social media is a place where we know that almost any and everyone can see the content we create and share, and with that may come a need to make sure that they think what we put up is valid. It can be stressful to always think about pleasing everyone, and the fear that someone you don’t know as well (or don’t even know at all!) can find your content and respond with a negative comment can be anxiety-inducing.

Fortunately, most, if not nearly every social media platform comes with an option to go private, or at the very least, control who sees your profile and your accounts. Twitter and Instagram give you the ability to lock your account completely and limit who follows you, because you have to approve those who request to follow you. Snapchat has the option for you to only allow friends you add to see your content, and Facebook lets you decide how much anyone can see on your account – friends included.

Having this kind of control and privacy can give you a peace of mind: the people you approve to follow your account are those you trust, and you don’t have to feel like you’re trying to get their approval all of the time. There’s also the safety aspect too: only having a few people have access to your information means that it’s less likely to get out and receive unwanted attention. Overall, there’s been an increase in demand from adolescents to make accounts automatically private for these reasons, alongside others.

Take finstas. While often regarded as a sillier private space, adolescents say that they feel more like their genuine selves and don’t hesitate to hit the “share” button because they’re comfortable with those following them. And while silly, they’re still a safe place. Queer adolescents have commented that having this separate account takes the weight off of their shoulders about receiving hateful comments or those they’re not close with speculating about their sexuality. 

While getting likes and comments may be validating, they can also be damaging to your mental health and in comparing yourself to others. Private accounts can give you a space to fully be yourself without worrying about these statistics and may increase your enjoyment on social media as a whole.

Are your accounts locked? Are there some that are unlocked and some that you keep completely private? How do you think limiting the people you have follow you impacts  your social media use?

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I’m Not Clicking with My Therapist

July 22, 2024 in Educate Yourself

Photo Credit: Jake.Christopher. Flickr via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Jake.Christopher. Flickr via Compfight cc

You’ve decided to get professional help for the depression and anxiety you’ve been dealing with these last couple of months. After a few appointments with your new therapist, you feel like things just aren’t going well- you don’t feel heard or understood, you don’t feel like you’re getting the help you need, or maybe you sense a disconnect between you and the helping professional. Where do you go from here?

It can take a lot of courage to commit to going to therapy. And when things aren’t seeming to click with your therapist, it can be really disheartening. The good news is this is common for so many people. Finding the right fit can be a process, but getting the help you need and deserve is absolutely worth it!

Some people connect with their therapist right away, but this is not the norm. Often, it is a trial-and-error process. While it’s good to give the helping process a chance for a few sessions, you’ve got to listen to your gut if you feel like things aren’t working after giving it some time. You-as the client- are in control of the sessions! When things aren’t going well, it might be good to start by expressing your concerns to the therapist. Let them know that you aren’t getting what you need out of the sessions and make suggestions for how things could change for the better. Another option is to begin to look for another therapist, especially one that specializes in the care you need (anxiety and/or depression, grief and loss). A great website that has a lot of information on therapists is https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

Do you have a story about finding the right fit for you in therapy? We’d love to hear in the comments below!

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YouTube, YouTubers, and Relationships

July 19, 2024 in Social Media Guide

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It’s difficult not to feel even a little jealous when scrolling through our numerous feeds, seeing people we know participating in adventurous activities and hanging out with other people, wishing we could do the same instead of viewing someone else doing so on a screen. FOMO is an all too familiar term, but recently, the fear of missing out has only intensified with the increased use of social media, particularly when it comes to the endless material from YouTube, one of the most popular sites for adolescents.

When watching our favorite television shows and movies, we find ourselves drawn to certain characters and form an attachment to them. These characters are usually a huge contributor to why we like what we consume so much; we develop somewhat of a one-sided relationship to them, wanting to see them succeed, viewing them as a role model, or perhaps seeing them in a romantic light. These parasocial relationships – a one-sided relationship with the media we consume – are taken to the next level when it comes to actual people. However, while this was pretty much limited to glitzy Hollywood celebrities, YouTube culture and influencers have taken these relationships to an entirely new level.

Unlike fictional characters, who don’t exist, or celebrities, who are unattainable, there’s something about watching someone who’s just like us living a luxurious, yet attainable life. Even though we aren’t capturing our lives on film and uploading them in easily consumable 20 minute vlogs, we can relate to their easy senses of humor, their mundane tasks and chores, their get-togethers with their friends who we also watch. It’s like we’re being invited into their lives, almost as if we’re their friends as well.

Some say that these YouTube parasocial relationships can have its benefits, giving adolescents with low self-esteem find their ideal selves, using YouTubers to find traits that they too could have and adapting them. By seeing these YouTubers as an ideal, adolescents can be more motivated to set goals for themselves to accomplish something akin to what these relatable creators do. However, it’s important to remember that these relationships aren’t even that, as they are one-sided and there is no reciprocity from the YouTuber’s side, simply because they don’t know the viewer beyond a statistic. These imagined relationships with the creator can play a large role in how adolescents socially develop and how they view relationships away from the screen with those they physically interact with.

Of course, YouTube is still a source of entertainment at the end of the day. We enjoy watching people, whether fictional, celebrities, or creator, because there’s something about them that appeals to us. Though at the end of the day, the screen and reality are two different worlds.

Do you watch YouTubers? If so, why do you watch them? Do you think watching vlogs can affect your view on relationships?

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How do you respond to life’s struggles?

July 18, 2024 in Be Positive

Thoughts about how you approach a situation.

Do you have any advice for others going through struggles in life?

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A shoulder to lean on

July 17, 2024 in Educate Yourself

This is a photo of two wooden dolls embracing one another in a hug.

If you really needed help, who could you count on? You might think first of a friend your own age, and while they may be good at listening and empathizing with you, they might not know what kind of advice to give you. Not because they don’t want to help, but they just haven’t had enough experience.  Sometimes going to a supportive adult can help a lot.  With time, you get experience, and experience helps you to learn what things work well – and what things do not.  A supportive adult can be your parent, relative, teacher, priest, therapist, nurse, doctor.  But how do you know they are someone you can depend on?

Ask yourself:

  • Does this person care about me? do they want me to succeed?
  • Are they someone who I consider a role model? someone I wouldn’t mind being like when I get older?
  • Have they been kind to me in the past?
  • Do they listen to what I have to say?
  • Do they respect me and my decisions?

These questions might help you figure it out. If you don’t have a supportive adult, spend some time sharing that with a teacher or healthcare provider who works with young people. These adults spend a lot of time caring for and giving advice to young people and are often willing to listen and lend a helping hand.

How has a supportive adult helped you in the past? Are there any questions you would add to our list?

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How’s it going? Fine…

July 16, 2024 in Educate Yourself

A few of your comments on previous articles mentioned that some of us feel looking back, we wish we would have opened up more with a therapist.

What are your worries about opening up? Some people may worry about:

  • Feeling judged
  • Feeling embarrassed
  • Being told that something is wrong with them
  • Privacy
  • Being let down
  • Getting hurt
  • Not being able to deal with raw emotions
  • Having a panic attack

Of course these are all valid  concerns. Some things that may help is that a therapist’s job is to listen to people’s thoughts and about intimate details of their lives. This means that probably what you are telling them is a version of something they have heard before or at least something they have training in.

A therapist’s role includes:

  • Making you feel safe and comfortable
  • Listening without judgment
  • Helping you reach the goals of your therapy
  • Keeping what you tell them private
  • Helping you gage if you need to take a break if your emotions are too strong

If you are getting therapy and you feel like you are not there yet and cannot open up enough with them, be honest. Let them know that you are having a hard time opening up and sharing. This is something they can help you work on! Also if it’s not a right fit, its ok to tell them that too.

Have you had trouble opening up to a therapist? Are there ways you overcame this?

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Using Weighted Blankets to Stay Calm

July 15, 2024 in Educate Yourself

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It feels that there are a ton of products available recently to help your mental health, particularly with calming anxiety. Some use essential oils, or you may have heard of light lamps, and of course, the classic stress relief ball. 

Weighted blankets have started to become more popular recently. These products are a level up if you’re the type of person who finds comfort in burying yourself under the covers as a coping mechanism to calm down: they’re heavier versions of regular blankets ranging from 4 to 30 pounds specifically designed to help those with disorders just as anxiety, autism, and insomnia, with physicians recommending getting one that’s 10% of your body weight. The weight is evenly distributed and is meant to help “ground” the user – not in a way that traps them – but provides some sort of stability as they relax or sleep.

cat under blanket

The benefits of weighted blankets are mostly from people sharing anecdotes, or their personal stories about it, but some researchers have found that using a weighted blanket shows an increase in activity in people’s parasympathetic system (or the part of the nervous system that your body uses to rest and stay calm). Others have found that 78% of participants in their study preferred a weighted blankets as a calming mechanism and 63% reported lower anxiety. Users who have shared their experiences with weighted blankets include not just those experiencing anxiety, but PTSD as well, stating that it serves as a distraction for their brain.

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What’s important to keep in mind is that there hasn’t been as much research on the product and you should not use this if you have conditions such as sleep apnea or other sleep disorders, respiratory and/or circulation problems, or have a chronic health condition. Because of the weight and the material, weighted blankets can have a tendency to get too hot too, which may not be the best option during the summertime. It’s also not a cure-all: weighted blankets shouldn’t be used everyday nor as a substitute for therapy or medication.

If you have trouble sleeping at night due to anxiety or because of depression, need help coping help with anxiety or panic attacks, or just need something to help keep you calm when things get too overwhelming however, using a weighted blanket may be an option to consider.

Have you ever used a weighted blanket? How do you think they would be different than regular blankets? What other mechanisms have you used to relax and keep calm when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

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Deciding What Social Media Platforms May be Negatively Impacting You

July 12, 2024 in Social Media Guide

How many social media accounts do you have? A Pew research study found that about 75% of adults have more than one social media account. This number is likely to be pretty high in teens and adolescents who grew up with technology and social media.

Image: Man sitting outside on a ledge looking at his phone

Not all social media platforms are created equal, though. Some serve different purposes, like how some are likely to use Twitter for news and Instagram to share their creative photography. Despite these different purposes however, there’s been a lot of overlap now that these platforms share a lot of features and have a lot of users on them.

With that all being said, the aesthetics of the site, the people you follow, and how those people share and post content can affect you differently depending which one you’re on. For some, these different feelings might be obvious, but it’s likely that you’re unable to tell because of the sheer amount of accounts that you may be cycling through. After a while, using these sites may all blur together, which may also contribute to that overwhelming, stressful feeling you might get by spending a lot of time on social media.

Image: Someone holding a phone with a question mark image

So if you are feeling overwhelmed by social media, or even if you feel like something is off and you’re mentally not feeling your best, it might help to apply some organization tips towards your phone, tablet, or computer. By spending a few minutes on the social media platforms you’re actively using, you can attempt to separate them and spend some time asking yourself questions about how each make you feel. You can write down these feelings about each platform, and afterwards take a few minutes to see which exactly are causing particular stronger negative emotions. You can ask yourself questions such as, “Why is this platform making me feel like this?” “Is this platform worth keeping?” “How can I improve my experience on this platform?”

Hopefully, by taking a step back and evaluating exactly which platforms are affecting you and why these platforms are doing so can give you some time to self-reflect and find ways to improve not just your social media experience, but your mood and mental health overall.

What are the social media platforms that you use the most frequently? Do you have more than one? Have you noticed if you feel differently depending on which one you’re on?

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“Accidental Bullying” — Has This Ever Happened To You Or Someone You Know?

July 11, 2024 in Social Media Guide

Have you ever heard of “accidental bullying?” The term was coined by author Sue Scheff. It refers to a situation when someone unintentionally hurts another person’s feelings in a public way—for example, on social media. To learn more about accidental bullying, read Scheff’s article in HuffPost and watch the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97de0hsC7xI

“It was just a joke… But it’s not so funny anymore.” 

She thought the note he gave her was silly, and she shared it online with her friends and made fun of him in messages. And now her “joke” has ruined the young man’s reputation.

Have you ever been an accidental bully? or accidentally bullied someone else?  

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Where Do LGBT+ Youth Look for Mental Health Support?

July 10, 2024 in Social Media Guide

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Although the internet is most likely the preferred method for pretty much anyone trying to learn more information, whether it be news stories, recipes, or advice from those who have gone through similar experiences, it’s particularly important for LGBT+ youths.

The Trevor Project released a new national report recently about LGBT+ youth mental health, and while some of the results they found, while upsetting, may not seem surprising (for example, more than half of LGBT+ youth experienced depressive symptoms in the past year, have faced discrimination, and felt that the recent political climate and COVID has negatively impacted their mental health or sense of self), they also included some information about how LGBT+ youth use social media.

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One of the ways that LGBT+  youth use social media is through a means of support for the above items. Online community is an important aspect for LGBT+ people on social media, since it gives them a place to talk to and be with others who understand what they’re going through and can provide advice, and it gives them a chance to explore their identity before they’re comfortable enough to come out to those they know in real life. Most LGBT+ youth reported that they had access to social media spaces that supported their identities: 69% said they used social media for LGBT+-affirming spaces, compared to 50% at school and 34% at home.

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And while major social media sites like YouTube and Facebook have been criticized – especially recently – for how they moderate LGBT+ harassment on their platforms, LGBT+-affirming spaces on social media can include finding information too. This could include watching TikToks or YouTube videos about gender transition or joining private groups to see how other LGBT+ youth cope with the mental health issues they may be going through and how it ties in with their identity.

There’s a comfort for people to look for information and help online in general, but for LGBT+ youth, this comfort also comes with the feeling of safety, without feeling like they have come out to those they know in real life in order to seek the treatment that they may need, especially if they aren’t sure how those people will react. Of course, it’s equally as important to consider your safety on social media too when looking for a community or for information, but there is also an anonymity tied to it that can make navigating your identity a little bit easier.

What sources have you used online to learn more about mental health? If you identify as queer, are there any that specifically talk about LGBT+ mental health?

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