TW: Mentions of COVID-19 and losing a loved one. COVID-19 has a history of dampening our summer plans. Ever since its initial insurgence in 2020, something just hasn’t felt the same about summer vacation....
I finally graduated college this December, a semester early, and even got offered by my current employer an offer to transition to full-time. My family is insanely supportive of me, I have a loving boyfriend, and honestly, I’m super happy with where I am in life and everything I worked for. Expect one thing that continues to lack in my life, and that is just the fact that despite the love and success around me, I feel utterly lonely.
I marked down the third person that has blocked me for being “happy” today. That is the short answer, you see, they told me “You were better off, more happier before I came along. Maybe you should start talking to other people,” and this time for once I could not refute the statement, which was such a jaw dropper.
Growing up, I always struggled with making acquaintances, let alone friends. I would get nervous and start panicking at the thought of looking like a fool or doing something embarrassing. Through some hard work of getting more used to talking to people at school and work (exposure therapy anyone?), I eventually got over the fear but the lingering effects are still there. In short, I don’t really have any friends besides two or three people I still speak to from my undergrad days that ended almost two years ago. Due to the recent end of the pandemic restrictions, I decided that this was going to change. I was tired of always feeling alone and having no lasting social friendships.
The answer is yes. Despite being a social butterfly, I find that my mental health is usually the reason most of my relationships either cease to exist, or are hanging on by a thread.