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by luna123

Managing Homework Stress

November 5, 2019 in Educate Yourself

Going back to school or college after a long summer vacation can be tough, but September is often an easy month. It’s exciting to get new school supplies, start new classes, and see friends again while the workload remains relatively easy. By October or November, stress and anxiety start to rear their ugly heads as students’ to-do lists grow longer and the days slip away.

A common cycle for the students I work with is wanting to do well, procrastinating due to feeling anxious and burnt out, then scrambling last minute to finish their assignments. The result is being exhausted, producing work below their ability, constantly falling behind, or a mixture of the three. The reason I am able to help them effectively is that, if I’m not careful, I fall into the same pattern myself. Below are two strategies I practice and encourage my students to use:

Take breaks: When we don’t have a lot of time to get a ton of work done, the last thing we want to do is allow ourselves a break. It can seem like a waste of time in the moment. However, we can’t expect ourselves to exert a high level of focus on something we don’t want to do for the hours it will take to finish it. If we don’t give our brains a break, they will force us to — we find ourselves reading the same line over and over again, daydreaming, or getting distracted by anything and everything. If we try to ignore these signals and push on, we often waste more time than we would have by taking a scheduled break because we are working inefficiently. Not to mention, we feel even more stressed and burnt out. It can help to create a schedule and use a timer to keep yourself on track. Work for 20 minutes (or however long you can reasonably sustain focus) and take a break for 5 minutes. Have a snack, talk to a family member, or scroll through social media. Challenging yourself to focus for just 20 minutes at a time is much more manageable than staring down a huge assignment as a whole.

Be mindful of your thoughts: Tune in to what you’re telling yourself when it’s time to get to work. Catch yourself thinking unhelpful thoughts, question the fairness or truthfulness of those thoughts, and replace them. For example, are you asking yourself questions that are unanswerable in the moment, like “Will I get this done?” or “When will I get this done?” Instead of wondering when you will finish an assignment, tell yourself in no uncertain terms, “I will finish this assignment.” The truth is that you will finish it, regardless of when that is. Asking yourself a question you can’t answer only increases your anxiety.

Are you thinking over and over again that you don’t want to do this, or that you can’t? You are only increasing your resistance to the assignment. Instead of discouraging yourself, you can think, “I don’t like this assignment, but I’m going to do it anyway because my grades are important to me.”

If you picture not finishing the work that’s due tomorrow, or finishing it but doing it poorly, do you feel a sense of dread or have negative thoughts about yourself? I asked one of my students, who frequently gets upset at the thought of not completing the night’s homework perfectly, what would actually happen if she didn’t hand it in or got everything wrong. She laughed and admitted, “My teacher would help me so I could finish it the next day.” She’d always felt anxiety about not getting her work done, as if that would be a catastrophe. She’d never thought about what would actually happen. The reality wasn’t so scary. Of course, there may be real consequences for not completing work in some classes. That is up to you to know for yourself. Usually, though, it’s not the end of the world to ask for extra help or an extension.

It is unfortunately common for people who care about good grades to work themselves to the bone or be terrified of failure. We need to remember that our mental health is just as important (if not even more important) as our academic achievement. Challenge yourself to structure your time wisely and challenge your unhelpful thoughts in order to set healthy school habits for the year(s) to come!

Are there any classes that you’re currently taking that are causing you a lot of stress? Which classes, and what assignments do they include? Do you have any advice or coping mechanisms you use to get through difficult assignments?

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by luna123

Effectively Sharing Information About Mental Health

October 8, 2019 in Educate Yourself

Sometimes, it can be really difficult to open up to others about our own mental health struggles. It may be especially difficult if the person you’re reaching out to for support doesn’t know much about conditions like depression or anxiety. Unfortunately, people within our support networks sometimes misunderstand or downplay the impact of mental health conditions (even when they mean well). We know how much anxiety and/or depression might affect us, but they can be hard to describe to people who haven’t experienced them.

Several times, I have heard people say that they think people use anxiety and depression as excuses not to do things. I have heard others claim that those who say they have anxiety or depression are just overreacting; after all, we all feel anxious and depressed sometimes. Through many conversations like this, I have realized that two pieces of information can sometimes help others understand that anxiety and depression are real conditions that have severely impacted my life. Hopefully, these tips can help you explain your experience if others you know are struggling to understand.

First, I find that many people aren’t aware of many of the symptoms of anxiety or depression. Most people know that anxiety means frequent worrying and depression includes feeling sad and down. However, there are lesser known symptoms that can have a huge impact upon a person’s ability to function. For example, I’ve often heard others say that people with depression are just lazy, and if they’d go out more or be more productive, they wouldn’t be depressed. People who hold this view often are not aware that depression isn’t just sadness. Common symptoms also include hypersomnia (excessive sleepiness or time spent sleeping), fatigue or loss of energy, diminished ability to think or concentrate, and diminished pleasure or interest in almost all activities. Therefore, it takes the depressed person significantly more mental and physical effort to do anything a non-depressed individual does in a day. Explaining this can make it more understandable why a depressed person might appear lazy to a casual observer.

Second, it can be hard to know the difference between healthy negative emotions and a disorder. To use a personal example, before my friends understood anxiety better, some of them thought I was overreacting or saying I had anxiety to get attention. Of course, they experienced anxiety sometimes themselves and therefore assumed my experience of anxiety was similar. Since they were not severely impacted by their level of anxiety, they could not see why I was. It really helped when I explained how experiencing anxiety sometimes is different than having an anxiety disorder. This has to do with the frequency and severity of the anxiety. For example, a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder requires that the person experiences anxiety more days than not about a number of different things. It also requires that the anxiety is difficult to control and causes significant distress or impairment. While my friends occasionally felt anxiety about things most people would worry about, like an important test or a confrontation, their anxiety did not occur with the frequency or severity that mine did. Upon understanding that, they were able to sympathize.

I know how frustrating it can be when other people don’t understand that you’re trying your best despite mental health conditions. One way we can help our friends and family understand our experiences better is challenging their misconceptions when we feel comfortable to. Hopefully these tips make that a little easier!

How have people reacted if you’ve talked to them and opened up about your mental health? What are some stereotypes about mental health that you’ve encountered or heard from people you know? 

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by luna123

Relationships and Social Media

September 5, 2019 in Social Media Guide

Social media is pervasive in most of our lives. This is especially true for teenagers and young adults, who are the first generation to spend their formative years online. Online access and connection is unarguably beneficial for many people, but it can also have negative consequences for mental health.

As a young adult who works with adolescents, I have become increasingly aware of a tendency between relationship partners to share all of their social media logins or require daily checks of each others’ phones. This is done in an attempt to make sure that a partner isn’t cheating. Sometimes, it is to make sure that a partner isn’t even speaking to other people of the gender(s) that partner is attracted to. This behavior is now considered normal or expected among some groups of young people.

One teenager explained to me that she and her boyfriend look through each others’ social media every day because they want to have an honest, trusting relationship. However, this need to check each others’ social media actually stems from a lack of trust. If two people truly trust each other, they shouldn’t feel the constant worry that their partner is cheating. This expression of distrust created an air of anxiety surrounding the relationship. This teenager feared that she might get in trouble with her boyfriend if a male friend texted her. Often, she argued with her boyfriend when either of them misinterpreted messages that were truly innocent.

Another way this can be detrimental to mental health is that password and phone sharing may unintentionally block a partner’s access to their support system. People often go to their partners for help with mental health, but this may not be appropriate if the relationship is relatively new or the issue is related to the relationship itself. In those times, it is important to access a supportive friend or family member. Mental health troubles can strike at times when it isn’t possible to connect with someone face-to-face. Additionally, some people find it easier to discuss difficult topics when typing as opposed to speaking. In these times, it is helpful to process experiences with or seek advice from friends or family over social media.

One major anxiety trigger for me personally is problems within my relationship. In those times, I often turn to one of my friends who is non-judgmental, fair (to both myself and my partner), and would never repeat anything we spoke about. In my opinion, seeking support in this way is not unfaithful to my partner, nor is it gossiping. It is a healthy way of processing my thoughts and emotions and seeking an outside opinion. My partner and I respect each other by understanding that we both need to maintain some degree of privacy and support systems external to our relationship. I know that if my partner was able to log in to any of my accounts at any time, I would be much less willing to seek the support I need from this close friend.

In the end, everyone’s relationship is different, and it is up to each couple to determine how they operate. However, it is important for young people to know that sharing passwords and phones should not automatically be expected. Everyone has the right to set boundaries around their own social media use and the aspects of their lives that they want to keep private. To some, having digital space that is uniquely their own, in which they can express themselves freely, can be essential for maintaining good mental health.

Do you and your partner have access to each other’s social media and phone if you’re in a relationship? Have you had access in previous relationships? Do you think this is necessary? Share your experiences and thoughts below!

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