When You’re Friends with Both Parties of the Breakup

So recently, my best friends have broken up and ended their relationship with each other. I was really close with both the boy and the girl, and I’m still close with both of them. I feel really torn on who to “side with.”

The girl ended the relationship because it started to take a toll on her mental health, which I completely understand and support. You shouldn’t stay with a person who brings you down. Now that the relationship is over she has been glowing with happiness and like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

I cannot say the same for the boy though. He has been depressed and sad the past week and a half and he feels completely hopeless without her. He thinks that she is the love of his life, when in reality we are all young and have so much more to experience before we decide who our life long love is.

I feel for both of them but am conflicted on who to side with more. I have been neutral in my stance and will most likely continue to be because I think it is the safest option to keep both of my friendships. When they speak about the other person I just respond with things like “I know where you’re coming from,” so I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with what they are saying. They are both great people and I don’t want either of them to feel hopeless over a high school relationship, but the advice I give to each of them seems to go over their heads.

I tell the boy that there are plenty more girls out there to meet and that there are lots of amazing girls out there but he still seems to think that she was the only one for him. And I know breakups can be hard, especially when they’ve lasted a long time, but I hate seeing him like this. It’s easier said than done to say “move on, there’s more out there,” but it’s what I’m seeing as the “outsider” of the situation. The advice I give to the girl is to stay friends with him so they don’t ruin their friendship but she wants none of it either. They were great friends but I don’t think a relationship was for them. It’s so hard to see people who are so close to me hurting so much, but I know the most important thing is to be a shoulder to lean on for both of them.

Have you ever been in the middle between two people close to you who are fighting or arguing? How did you navigate your relationships with them? How did it affect you?

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