I remember being complimented once by a therapist for being so “self-aware” and “in tune” with my emotions. This is true. I tend to be a person who can recognize a feeling and communicate how this feeling affects me to other people. But recently I’ve been having a more difficult time unpacking my physical and emotional feelings.
It’s like it will hit me out of nowhere; a gust of stress will push against me from behind and remind me that I am still three days behind on that paper. Almost always, I breathe out a sharp but exhausted, “F*ck!” to myself. This hot wave washes over me and I resume whatever activity I’m in the middle of, like cooking or other work. Sometimes, especially at the beginning of the day, it feels like my skin is too tight for my body. Or as if the outfit I’m wearing was purposely intended to make my whole body’s nerves unbearably active. Or sometimes it feels like my body is completely devoid of all organisms inside; I gaze at myself in the mirror, but I feel only air beneath the skin I see. Maybe my skin has a cool numbness sensation on it? This feeling of weightlessness isn’t relaxing or dreamy. It actually makes the emptiness of my brain feel more real in my body. After I feel this, I can almost promise you I won’t accomplish any other task after that moment.
These visceral reactions to the events around me happen very frequently. My body talks to me throughout the day; I listen, but I am confused. This are new messages being sent to me, unusual messages that I am not used to receiving. I suppose it will just take time and more self-reflection. I would appreciate any feedback you may have.
Does your body have strong physical reactions to stress? Do you ever experience them so strongly to the extent that you can’t do anything? What advice do you have, or have you experienced anything similar?