TW: Mentions of COVID-19 and losing a loved one. COVID-19 has a history of dampening our summer plans. Ever since its initial insurgence in 2020, something just hasn’t felt the same about summer vacation....
Anxiety often feels like a battle between your mind and your heart. Your mind is telling you to “stop worrying, stop worrying, stop worrying,” while your heart continues to beat faster and faster, as if it welcomes the worry. I used to try and always deny the anxiety I would feel, whether it was during a performance, or before presenting to a class, or the anxiety I get when socializing. But I came to realize that denying your anxiety only makes it worse, causing it to fester and swell into what feels like a little green anxiety monster living inside of you. It’s not something you can continually repress or shoo away.
Ever since I was a toddler my mother has described me as anxious, but ironically enough this is one of the few illness I do not have a diagnosis for. Sure I have anxiety especially social anxiety, but I do not care if I do not have an official paper saying I have it or not. Although my psychiatrist may have diagnosed me, I do not really care to look through my medical files to confirm. It is debilitating at times when I am too afraid to order my own food or am unable to talk to a new person. I’m a champion at crying in restaurants. A diagnosis likely will not change that for me, but it might for you. When I am in therapy they’re usually aware right off the bat that I’m an anxious person so I do not need a diagnosis as it does not change my own quality of life.
Material things bring me joy. Having too many things however is a source of anxiety. Every time there is a holiday where gift giving is involved, I try to ask for items that can be “used up” and thrown away such as nice skin care, food items, or different things that I would like to try but wouldn’t normally purchase for myself. This way I can accumulate less items, because once they are empty, I can throw the container away. One of the reasons I do this is because I have a very difficult time donating and throwing things away. This can range from clothing to random objects or house décor.