Clear and Refreshed

It is crazy to me just how much the weather can affect my mood. I have been curled up in my room–not even my house just my room–for the better part of this week. The weather decided to dive back into the 30s and 40s, which is so rude considering it was 70 before that. However, I am looking outside my window as I write this and even with the chill the sun is still shining. I have been putting off taking a package to the post office for a few days now because I do not want to leave the house, but change is coming! Tomorrow it is supposed to be warm and each day after it is supposed to heat up.

The weather is not the only thing changing. My roommate is graduating college next week, I have been offered a really cool internship, my friends are returning from their corners of the world and soon we will all be back home together–likely for the last time. Life is working hard to make up for the year we lost to Corona. I am ready to run alongside her, but I do not want it to flash by.

I hope to appreciate every second of this summer, my last “real” summer. I cannot for the life of me tell you where I will be this time next year. I graduate in December and after that, all I see is a blank page. Do I go crash on my brother’s couch out west for a few months? Do I get a seasonal job so I can travel and be outside? Do I do one of those working abroad programs? Do I get a normal 9-5? Who knows? Not me! But I am excited for what is to come. I know it won’t be all sunshine and butterflies. Obviously I will still struggle but at least I can say I am excited for the struggle now.

I have been feeling extra happy recently and I am trying to make the most of this feeling while it lasts. I know I am not out of the woods when it comes to my mental health, but these moments of clarity are incredible and they have been happening more and more frequently lately. No matter how I try to end this, it comes off as a cliche. The “it gets better,” “it won’t always be this hard” all the things we have heard over and over while people try to console us. So I am not going to do that to you, because it really grinds my gears when I hear people say that to me. Just know that these moments of joy are incredible and important. Take pictures, make memories, relax, and most importantly enjoy this summer! I got my vaccine a few weeks ago and I am so ready to live my life a little more each day.

What are your plans for the summer? Do you have any advice on how to elongate these spaces of clarity between bouts of mental un-wellness?

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