Tagged: be positive
Some things are more important than others. Do I have enough food and water? Am I safe? Do I have people to talk to and share a genuine connection with? These things are very important. How many “likes” did my post get? Do I have the newest Apple product? Is my bed made? Did Jonny use a coaster? These things are less important (not unimportant, simply less important).
Three years ago I would have laughed at the idea that aromatherapy could help me. I thought it was a scam, a waste of money, and that it would only work if you believed it would (the placebo effect). And maybe it is, but I am now grateful for aromatherapy. I still know little about it scientifically, but what is important to me is that after a long day, when I get home, sometimes it is difficult to relax. It can be difficult to leave the stress of school and/or work especially in today’s world where work is so intermixed in some people’s homes. With working full or even part time remotely, it can be challenging to know when to quit or learn how to separate work and life.
Anxiety often feels like a battle between your mind and your heart. Your mind is telling you to “stop worrying, stop worrying, stop worrying,” while your heart continues to beat faster and faster, as if it welcomes the worry. I used to try and always deny the anxiety I would feel, whether it was during a performance, or before presenting to a class, or the anxiety I get when socializing. But I came to realize that denying your anxiety only makes it worse, causing it to fester and swell into what feels like a little green anxiety monster living inside of you. It’s not something you can continually repress or shoo away.
Recently my roommate moved. After living in the same apartment together for about a year, I am alone. The apartment is now quiet and I have had to adjust. I used to do everything with my roommate. We would cook dinners together, go shopping together, and watch tv on the couch at the end of the night. Now that I am alone in a city where I don’t know many people, I am relying on myself more. I am a social person and have noticed that I feel pretty lonely since they have left. I have tried to get outside and keep myself occupied but it just feels different.
I have been crushed by the weight of anxiety and trauma, as I’m sure many of you are familiar with. I’ve felt like I couldn’t possibly bear the weight anymore, unable to think, breathe, or function countless times. But I’ve been investing in my safety nets lately, like hugging myself, talking to friends and family, and doing my favorite hobbies which are always there for me.
With the coldness dwindling down, it’s easier to get our spirits up and be in a better mood now that nicer weather is on its way. However, it’s still a time when the weather is changing and you don’t know whether it’ll be nice out or we’ll get 5 inches of snow! The ending months of winter definitely feel the longest, so it’s important to stay positive until spring.
This past week, I experienced one of the darkest periods of my life which has left me in a pile of medical bills, lost friends, and rash behavior. It had been going off and on for years but was never bad enough to the point where it affected each and every part of my life negatively. I was not able to go to work, my friends were getting tired of my antics, and I lost way more than I ever could have imagined. As a result of this, I consulted a new doctor who told me the news: I had been misdiagnosed for years and was in fact bipolar.