Some things are more important than others. Do I have enough food and water? Am I safe? Do I have people to talk to and share a genuine connection with? These things are very important. How many “likes” did my post get? Do I have the newest Apple product? Is my bed made? Did Jonny use a coaster? These things are less important (not unimportant, simply less important).
Something that has come from my anxiety and affected my life greatly is my tendency to apologize too much, even in situations that do not warrant an apology. I did not realize that I was excessively doing this until my family and a significant other pointed it out to me. The significant other said that it seemed as if I was weak and self-conscious if I kept apologizing for everything. This was a huge wake-up call to me. It made me take a step back and look at the root of the issue.
I have been so self-confident over the past few months, but sometimes I wonder if it’s true or if it’s an act. When being faced with situations where it’s clear that I’m getting to know someone who doesn’t respect me, or it’s clear that an old friend is trying to take advantage of my kindness, I wonder what my responses to these things show about myself. Dealing with difficult people is not my strong point at all. I always go for the idea that it’s good to let people express themselves, but sometimes I question that thought and think to myself, “at what expense.”
I finally graduated college this December, a semester early, and even got offered by my current employer an offer to transition to full-time. My family is insanely supportive of me, I have a loving boyfriend, and honestly, I’m super happy with where I am in life and everything I worked for. Expect one thing that continues to lack in my life, and that is just the fact that despite the love and success around me, I feel utterly lonely.
I have struggled with wanting to try to change the people I care about most. I pick up on this attribute when I am difficult on my siblings and family members. Wanting them to try harder, be better, make smarter choices, has always been cycling through my mind. It is difficult to see the people close to you hurt, stuck, or upset. Sometimes I feel like I know what steps they need to take to keep moving forward, but when they do not attempt what I suggest, or simply do nothing at all, I get upset. My mindset is that one must always keep moving forward because the world does not stop for one singular person. I understand that this is not how everyone’s brain works. People will not be able to think how I think or do what I do simply because I know it will help. Sometimes others need more time before they realize they can start to change or how to turn things around.
I marked down the third person that has blocked me for being “happy” today. That is the short answer, you see, they told me “You were better off, more happier before I came along. Maybe you should start talking to other people,” and this time for once I could not refute the statement, which was such a jaw dropper.
Hi, it’s Kit not Kit kat but Kit smiles because that’s what I want to do more often. Today I was on Snapchat, but for most of the day I was doing intensive research on my laptop on all sorts of things. I go on my Snapchat and I was sent streaks , which is like snap pics you send to friends. The most weirdest streak was from the guy I was seeing, he sent me a streak and I seen his tabs in which he had a tab entitled “my ex,” and how devastating (sarcasm).