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by purple2017

Tackling Appointment Anxiety

October 30, 2019 in Educate Yourself

If you’re like me, any kind of doctor’s appointment comes with a lot of anxiety. Having mental health problems along with chronic illness requires a lot of appointments for me to try and cope with. While I know its important to keep the appointments, I’ve found myself canceling them in the past due to anxiety. Here are some ways I’ve found to cope with appointment-related anxiety.

First off, identify some of your triggers. One of my biggest triggers is smell. I hate the clinical, sterile kind of smell of doctors’ offices. To combat this I will wear a scarf that I spray with a perfume that I enjoy the scent of.

My other trigger is feeling naked. Really odd, I know, but I hate feeling cold or removing clothing. So if I’m going to a particularly upsetting appointment such as a gynecologic exam I will wear really warm fuzzy socks as it will help me feel less naked. Otherwise, a hoodie makes me feel very secure and almost hidden.

Maybe one of your triggers is worrying about being there on time: set a time that’s convenient for you. Or you might be worried all day about your appointment if it’s in the afternoon or evening. In order to avoid that anticipation it might be best to make your appointment first thing in the morning. I personally have to do it first thing in the morning or I will talk myself out of going.

Now that we have identified some ways to counteract your triggers, preparing for your appointment in these various ways can also provide some relief. One thing I like to do is write things down. I often get overwhelmed or intimidated by doctors and find it hard to speak, so having things written down clearly on a piece of paper that I can just hand to the doctor takes so much weight off of my shoulders.

Another thing I try and do is imagine myself having whatever procedure or exam done and practicing deep breathing. That way I am well prepared for when I actually need the deep breathing to be effective.

Lastly, distract yourself. Listen to music, read a book, watch Netflix. Anything to keep you busy. Waiting rooms can be scary and you can be stuck there for a while. Don’t be caught there without anything to do.

While doctors appointments may never be something we look forward to, hopefully we can learn some ways not to dread them.

How do you feel when going in for a therapist or a doctor’s appointment? Do you ever get anxious? What suggestions do you have to tackle appointment anxiety?

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by purple2017

Always Thinking What If?

September 17, 2019 in Educate Yourself

One big thing I have always struggled with anxiety-wise are the “what ifs.” What if I fail this test? What if nobody likes me? What if I embarrass myself? What if….. The list goes on and on. I knew I had to work through this as it was keeping me from doing some pretty important things, such as getting dental work done. My fear of the dentist combined with my constant “what ifs” surrounding the dentist. What if it hurts? What if he’s mean? What if I panic and cry? All of these things combined made me put off dental work causing me pain and yes, further anxiety surrounding the whole situation. I reached out to my therapist for help.

She started by trying to reassure me that the things we worry about don’t even happen 99% of the time. And she was right. I couldn’t even think of more than one example of what I obsessively worried about actually happening. Next she challenged me. She said, “Okay, let’s imagine all of these what ifs come true. What would happen?” The thought sent me into an instant panic. I don’t want to think about these things happening, I want to prepare and keep them from happening. She made me do it anyways.

So she picked a situation regarding the dentist to use. One of my biggest fears about going to the dentist was having a panic attack while I was in the chair. I would be so embarrassed. She said, “Okay now imagine you’re getting your dental work done, and you do, you have a panic attack, what’s going to happen?”

“I will feel embarrassed,” I reply.

“And,” my therapist asks, “how do you think the dentist or hygienist would respond?”

“I don’t know,” I quietly mumble. She says, “Well I doubt they are going to be upset with you. More than likely they will be sympathetic. They will try to make you more comfortable and likely give you a few moments to calm yourself before resuming the procedure. Wouldn’t you agree? What else could happen?” she asks.

“I would be too embarrassed to go back,” I reply.

“Easy.” she says, “there’s lots of dentists, not a big deal you can always switch. Anything else?”

“What if it hurts so much I can’t take it?”

“How do you think you should handle that situation?” She asks.

“Let them know it hurts a lot.”

“Yes! See, you can handle all of your what-ifs.”

And what do you know, I could. I did go to the dentist. I did cry. I was embarrassed, but I realized I am capable of handling all of these emotions. I also realized my emotions are normal. My dentist was very understanding and said it happens to a a lot of people. He even offered some options to reduce my anxiety next time. If I had voiced my anxiety beforehand I could’ve been given one of these options at this appointment. If only I hadn’t let my embarrassment get in the way.

While I may have more anxiety than some, everyone gets nervous. Everyone cries. Everyone gets embarrassed. Everyone fears pain. It’s an ordinary thing that we are all able to work through. So next time you’re worried and thinking “what if,” finish the thought, play it all the way through, or talk it through with someone you trust. I’m certain you’ll be able to handle more than you think.

Do you get caught up in “what-ifs?” Are there any specific events that cause these to happen? How do you avoid feeling overwhelmed and anxious about worst-case scenarios?

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by purple2017

Insensitive Provider? Switch ASAP

September 4, 2019 in Educate Yourself

The blog post includes mentions of suicide. Please read with caution if any of this triggers or upsets you.

I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was eight years old. My life was messy and chaotic: divorced parents, custody battles, money troubles, and a mentally ill mother in and out of jail who later attempted suicide. It’s no wonder I was struggling. After my mom’s suicide attempt, my dad was granted full custody which brought some stability to my life.

My stepmom was the first person I ever expressed my suicidal feelings to. I did it nonchalantly while playing Barbies with her. I was unaware it was an abnormal feeling that would alarm her. I soon started seeing a counselor three times a week for about a year. My symptoms dramatically improved. We moved, I attended a new school, and I made friends for the first time in my life. My symptoms were minimal for years. I was able to cope with the tools I had learned. This all changed once I started middle school.

Middle school brought new challenges. A bigger school, higher stress levels, and new expectations. I had none of my friends in any of my classes, I was ridiculously tired, and I no longer enjoyed any aspect of school. My anxiety and depression changed. I was experiencing new symptoms I had no idea how to handle. Vomiting, hyperventilating, headaches. I hid it all for years until finally, my stepmom confronted me about it. She noticed weight loss, how I never had any friends over, and spent all my free time alone in my room.

After talking with her about it, I agreed to see a doctor. I was reluctant, I agreed to it only if she kept it a secret. I was embarrassed and ashamed. My life was perfect, I had no reason to be depressed. I did not yet understand that there did not need to be a reason in order to have depression and that sometimes it is simply a chemical imbalance.

Due to my horrible anxiety, I had not seen a doctor in years. So, my mom found a family doctor in the area and made an appointment for me. I had my mom keep the day of the appointment to herself so I wouldn’t worry as the day drew near. Finally, the day arrived. My mom and I arrived at the doctor’s office, filled out new patient forms, and waited. After what feels like an eternity I am called back, a nurse takes my vitals, and asks what the appointment is for. I can’t respond. My mom speaks up and says, “Anxiety and depression screening.”

Soon after the doctor comes in and asks me many questions about school and life in general. She finds out that I am a straight-A student, my BMI is 21.3, and my teeth are in good shape despite my vomiting. She responds, “Well it looks like the anxiety and depression are doing you good, you should be thankful for it. I really don’t see any reason to treat it. You’re healthy.” She hands me some papers and walks out of the room before me or my stepmom can respond. I instantly begin crying, my mother reassures me that she’s wrong and I never have to come back to this provider again. I leave feeling embarrassed, alone, and worse than before. It will be another two years before I finally get the treatment I need.

Two years later I finally work up the courage to try again. I look for providers myself. I find one with great reviews on every site I could find. I make the appointment and take my mom with me for support. It was much different this time. I was met with a provider who was supportive, encouraging, kind, and understanding. She reassured me that things would get better and that treating my depression would not somehow make me start failing school. She answered all of my questions and provided me a lot of information on anxiety and depression. She explained brain chemicals I had never heard of like serotonin and dopamine. She reassured me that my depression was not caused by me being ungrateful or anything of that nature and that I had no reason to feel guilt or shame for needing treatment. She wanted me to start taking medications and seeing a therapist right away. She referred me to a therapist who specialized in treating anxiety disorders along with depression. I was too afraid to start an SSRI, so she gave me something that would help with my nausea and vomiting for the time being. Life was finally about to improve and I was going to be able to enjoy my final years of high school.

What I learned from this ordeal is to not give up. If you have a bad experience, don’t wait, and find another provider right away. I sincerely wish I had not spent those two years of my life puking every morning before school, constantly worrying where a bathroom or trashcan was, and crying myself to sleep every night. I wish I had been able to enjoy those years. You deserve to be treated for your illness and you shouldn’t prolong your suffering because of one bad provider. Do not let anyone sabotage your recovery.

Have you ever spoken to a provider about your mental health? How did they react? What experiences have you had when talking to doctors?

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