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by polkadottedblue

Stuff – A poem

August 9, 2017 in Educate Yourself

Poetry

50 milligrams of sumatriptan succinate to unscrew the vice from my head

Then 20 of that other stuff for 12 hours of stability

From dawn to dusk I am medicated

I think I need to take a walk

I am dependent on this stuff and that, my friend, is what really scares me

You know, psychologically, when you say stuff you really want to say the other s-word

And it makes sense

I hate this shift in ability

One day I am composed and the next I am shipwrecked on a cracking dam

Swearing away my very breath for a nap or a cup of coffee or a puppy

My feet would run away from me if they could and

my fingers would pound out a sonata if

I could sit still

long enough to learn how to read bass clef

I shiver all the time, shaking the table, spilling the tea

Slipping up the stairs and Holy shingles! have you ever seen such a good tree?

No really, that is a good tree,

It looks like it has been standing there for ages

With gnarled branches cushioning little birds’ nests

And empty hands stretching out to grasp the sun’s offerings

Touching the sky, embracing the wind

I want to be like that tree

Strong and tall and steady

And beautiful all at the same time

But the drugs make me jumpy and hungry, but not,

And pinpoint-focused and awake, but not,

This terrible stuff that twists my stomach and puts my brain through hell!

I hate it.

But what am I without?

I wrote this poem last year, when I was deciding whether the side effects of my medication or the symptoms of my condition were worse. At the time, I did not know that I could talk to my doctor about changing dosages or types of medications to relieve the side effects. Thankfully, my doctor has helped me switch to a different medication, so the feelings are no longer this intense.

Did you identify with this poem? Do you have any tips for talking about your experience with your doctor?

Addition: SOVA project is excited to share this previously written poem is by a SOVA ambassador!

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by polkadottedblue

SOVA Ambassador Feature: Fake it til you make it?

December 14, 2016 in Educate Yourself

The following is an awesome post from a SOVA Ambassador, user @Polkadottedblue. Want to read more of what she’s written? Visit her other blog posts, Letting others help, New medication?!?!, and Stuff – A poem. If you are interested in learning more about blogging for SOVA, please see this page for more details!

 

When you have an illness you have to fake it sometimes. You need to go to work or school, be an active part of your family, hang out with your friends, do fun things, etc. Having a chronic and/or mental illness means that you will often feel depressed, anxious, uncomfortable, or in pain more often than the average person. So, we fake it.

But this can become problematic quickly. Are there consequences to faking it? Are there benefits to faking it? Well here’s what I have noticed in my own life when I fake it.

I expend unnecessary energy

I feel like I am invisible

I sometimes wonder if I am just imagining the pain or if it is not actually that bad

Photo Credit: Armando G Alonso ✈︎ Flickr via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Armando G Alonso ✈︎ Flickr via Compfight cc

I feel like no one can understand me

I don’t talk about my illness

I don’t let others know how I am doing or give them opportunities to help

I do not seek help

I feel a little bit more in control of my life

I can maintain friendships and do fun things

I get out of the house more and skip fewer classes

I am an example of a person with chronic/mental illness who is still living healthily and happily

I remember that I am more than my illness and it does not define me

 

As with most things, it is important to find a balance. If you need to fake it for a day, be sure to prepare with self-care and letting a friend know that you have a very big day ahead of you. If you cannot fake it and need a day at home, try to do one productive thing. It is so empowering to complete one daunting task during a flare up because it does remind you that you are strong. If you cannot, then you do not need to feel guilty. You have an illness, and it is not your fault.

Just remember to always ask for help when you need it.

Do not let others pressure you into faking it. If you do not want to go out, then do not go out. But I do remember, very well, the night that my best friend called after she got dumped and we talked for hours, even though I had a terrible migraine. I was so glad that I could support her and I was able to relax and spend time caring for myself the next day. We love our friends and family, and they love us. We want to support them and they want to support us. Find a balance, decide for yourself, and always ask for help when you need it.

In what situations have you had to “fake it til you make it?” How did it make you feel?

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by polkadottedblue

SOVA Ambassador Feature: Letting others help

November 8, 2016 in Educate Yourself

Photo Credit: Alexander Glavtchev via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Alexander Glavtchev via Compfight cc

I am a bit of a contradictory person. I am fiercely independent and a romantic. I like to be strong and fragile. I am blonde, but also quite smart. I love helping other people, but I don’t want to be a burden on them.

It is okay and natural to have contradictory feelings. The brain is complex and influenced by so many factors. I personally find value in being self-sufficient, intelligent, helpful, and a positive force in the world. This does not match very well with asking someone to sit quietly with me while I have a crying spell or bring me food when I haven’t eaten all day because I couldn’t leave my dorm.

I find my worth in helping others. If I am, not only not helping others, but also needing someone else’s help, then I feel like a failure. This might be different for many of you, but this is how I feel and I don’t like it. What if everyone else felt the same way and no one let anyone help?

There are times when you will have to push through your illness or suffering and help yourself or others. But you are not Superman, you are a human. Humans get tired, humans forget to pick up their meds, humans need affection, humans forget their plans, humans celebrate, humans need help. Let people love and care for you. You do not have a monopoly on being helpful.

My mum explained to me that relationships are full of give and take. Some friends take your time, advice, and care. Some friends provide these things. Some friendships are more balanced. If all your friends drain your energy and never look out for you, you will be exhausted. If you are constantly pampered and taking, your friends will begin to resent you. (side note: if you need consistent care, or feel as though you are not contributing enough to your friends, this does not make you selfish. Maybe try reflecting on how you can be a better friend or appreciate the help given, or ask your friend if there is anything you can do. Do not feel guilty for having needs. I repeat: do not feel guilty for having needs.)

Try to find a balance of giving and taking overall in your friendships.

Additionally, there will be phases in your life when you need more help. If you are diagnosed with an illness, going through a breakup, grieving a death, crazy busy and stressed from finals, etc. be prepared to accept more help. There will be times that you can return the kindness.

People want to help, let them.

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by polkadottedblue

New medication?!?!

September 21, 2016 in Educate Yourself

Photo Credit: onnola via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: onnola via Compfight cc

Starting a new medication?

Congratulations! This is a brilliant step in your journey of helping yourself to find health.

There are some very important things that you can do to make the most of your new medication. It is your doctor’s job to be the expert on the medicine and the condition, but YOU are the only expert on your experience.

1. Do some research

Whether you want to ask a doctor about a new medicine or you have been given a new prescription, get to know it. Look at the symptoms it treats, the possible side effects, medicines it might interact with, when you should take it, how you should take it (can you swallow pills or give yourself an injection?), etc. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you have any questions.

2. Monitor yourself

Keep a journal where you can monitor your mood, pain, sleep patterns, energy levels, suicidal thoughts, appetite, etc. Start this before you begin taking a new medication or as soon as possible. Sometimes it is hard to tell how a medicine is affecting you, so this will help you compare and contrast your present state. Your doctor can also use this record to decide which medicine to try next.

3. Keep a personal medical record or timeline

Sometimes your complete record will not get transferred to new doctors. Keep track of the names and doses of current and past medications, with the dates and prescribing doctors. Add a few notes about how they affected you or why you switched. You can also include allergies, changes in symptoms, big life changes, and other important things for your doctor to consider. Bring this to every appointment and keep it updated.

4. Speak up

If a medicine is not working for you, talk to your doctor. Your health is their priority. Even if you are not sure you want to switch medications, begin the conversation so your doctor can give you options or help you evaluate your feelings. Be your own advocate.

5. Be patient

No medicine will heal you or take away every problem. You usually need to wait one month to see how a medicine is working. This can be frustrating, but know that you are working toward a healthier you.

Be patient with yourself too. If you are in the middle of transitioning, get plenty of sleep, drink water, and give yourself extra time to rest. Take care of your present self.

Did I miss anything? How do you empower yourself when you are starting a new medication?

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