SOVA Blog

by doodlebug

Together in Loneliness

January 4, 2021 in Be Positive

For anyone who needs to hear this: you are not alone. It’s hard for a lot of people to know that, especially when their mind convinces them otherwise, and if you fall under that spell, do me a favor and read the first sentence again. And again. And as many times as you need until you can feel all of us from SOVA right next to you. We may all be anonymous, but we’re here together to support each other.

Loneliness is a universal human emotion, therefore we all experience it, though in our own ways. No one is immune to it, even those constantly around other people. This time of year is when the grips of loneliness tend to tighten. All of a sudden you have people who normally wouldn’t struggle start to feel like they’re by themselves. This year in particular has been especially tenacious in recruiting those kind of people- and even better at escalating those feelings in people who already struggle– due to the interruption of our normalcies. The fact that we can’t have the same holiday traditions that tend to bring us comfort, along with the decreased person-to-person contact we can have, has exponentially increased the manifestation of loneliness.

I was on Instagram and I saw a post talking about coping mechanisms for feeling lonely. Here’s what the post said:

  1. Acknowledge your feelings. Take control of your loneliness by naming it. Studies have found that labeling your feelings can actually reduce the intensity of them.
  2. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the same compassion you’d offer a friend or loved one if they told you they were feeling lonely.
  3. Reach out to your loved ones.
  4. Avoid the unrealistic expectations trap, especially when it comes to social media.
  5. Volunteer your time.

Remember that you are not alone, and having feelings like this (or anything else deemed “negative”) is OKAY! You do not have to feel ashamed of it. Everyone is right there with you feeling it, too.

Have you been feeling lonelier than usual lately? How has social media helped, or even negatively impacted, your loneliness?

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by doodlebug

Time and Anxiety

December 15, 2020 in Educate Yourself

Recently, it feels like time has perpetually changed its speed. At one point, it seems like time is passing faster than the speed of light. Then there are other points where it seems like time couldn’t possibly drag any slower. I can’t seem to ever notice it actually change speed, but when I see that it’s 4:30PM on a Monday but I can’t even recall waking up on Saturday, my mind is so confused that I lose the ability to focus on anything else. Time also seems to change speed when the people you live with leave town for a week or two. You don’t necessarily have them to keep you grounded in your perception of time, even though you have work and school to give you somewhat of a schedule.

With this seemingly endless change in the speed of time, it’s hard to have a grip on what is reality and what you just dreamed of. Like, did I actually go to my favorite restaurant to go on a date, or did I just have a dream about going on a date with someone who’s face I saw in passing?

It doesn’t help my anxiety when I can’t tell what’s actually happening in my life. I get anxious that I missed something or forgot about another thing. I panic without any second thought and I don’t give myself the opportunity to even consider that maybe I didn’t forget or miss anything. It’s unproductive to say the least.

But I’ve acknowledged my tendency to do that and even have learned to prevent it from happening! I have everything written out on a calendar, and all of my assignments organized in an Excel sheet to make sure I didn’t/don’t miss anything. My calendar always gives me alerts in the case that I do end up forgetting about an event. I always check and update those things, and that’s how I’m able to keep myself on track.

I hope time stops playing tricks on me. Or rather, I hope my perception of time normalizes itself again soon.

Has your perception of time ever changed? Has it been happening to you more recently? Does time ever feel too fast, too slow, or both at once? When does this usually happen, and how does it impact how you feel?

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by doodlebug

2020: The Year of Growth

November 30, 2020 in Be Positive, COVID-19

‘Tis the season for families to come together and for more love than usual to spread across the world… or, at least that’s what’s supposed to happen. This year looks different. In 2020, we can’t see our friends and family in person, and for those of us whose love language is either quality time or physical touch, it’s very difficult to be able to feel loved.

And there is a lot of sadness and anger in the world right now, too. With more than 250,000 deaths in the U.S. just from the pandemic alone, a lot of families will have empty chairs at the next holiday they get to spend together. There’s also the high probability that families are financially struggling, especially now with the holidays coming and the pressure to give a lot of gifts being so high normally. The United States is completely divided politically and families become victims of that due to opposing points of view driving a wedge between members who voted differently. How is it that 2020 has become the worst year of so many people’s lives?

We read these points, and many other negative ones, and think that there is no possible way for us to be able to function normally again. There’s too much damage done. There’s no way to heal from the hurt, especially when it’s more mental and emotional hurt than physical. Seeing and hearing things like “this too shall pass” or “just think positively” or “be thankful you’re still alive” doesn’t really help, either. So what does?

First, knowing and accepting that EVERYONE is struggling this year, in one way or another. Even Jeff Bezos, one of the richest people on Earth, had to emotionally deal with his divorce that took place in 2019. It’s hard to always hear “we’re all in this together,“ but in reality, it’s true. We are all hurting. Empathy is one of the best glues that can hold human relationships together. If we all take a step back and recognize that we are not alone in our struggles, it becomes a little less lonely.

Second, asking for help has become so much more vital to everyone’s survival this year. With so many job losses, and decreasing overall health of a lot of people, it has become essential to be okay with asking for help. For me, and a lot of other people, I started therapy. I recognized that I cannot hold all of the weight I put on myself emotionally or mentally, so I need help carrying it. Asking for help, whether it be for your health or financially, is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s normal, necessary, and important.

Lastly, having patience with yourself and others, as well as looking towards the future, seems to be a good way that people are coping with the current circumstances. The “this too shall pass” saying has become a cliche because it’s so applicable to what’s going on in the world and everyone’s circumstances. I love the metaphor that there’s always going to be another mountain to climb because it’s true. There’s always going to be an uphill battle for something but when that battle comes to a close, you’re stronger, wiser and better than you were before. You just have to keep going. It will all be worth it in the end.

What has helped get you through this year? Have you changed anything about your habits or yourself this year?

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