The question caught me off guard:
“What is your New Year’s resolution?”
I was holding a holiday drink up to my mouth, about to take a sip when I stopped. The Christmas music in the pop-up bar seemed to fade away. I looked at my friend who asked me expectantly, and I didn’t respond for a while.
Immediately, I thought, “successfully get over my ex-boyfriend” but I didn’t like that answer. I know that healing takes time and although a year is a long time, it seemed cruel to tell myself I had to move on from someone who was in my life for quite a few years by a certain date.
Instead, I should say, “go on more dates, or at least, consider going on more dates.” This is a more attainable goal and is a healthier mindset than “you must get over this person.” That resolution feels kinder to myself, which is something that my therapist would suggest should be my resolution for 2020.
Resolutions are meant to inspire and challenge you to be a healthier you, whether that is physically, mentally, emotionally, or a mix of all three. But it is important that your resolutions practice kindness to yourself. For example, instead of saying, “I need to lose 15 pounds to look better” you could say, “I would like to make healthier lifestyle choices so my body feels better and boosts my confidence.”
I ended up telling my friend that I was not sure yet, but I would definitely be thinking about it and report back. I’ve been pondering it for the last day now and have come up with a few small attainable resolutions that fit the healthier mindset I have been trying to achieve.
I want to be more consistent with healthier eating and exercising.
This is the first time in my life I have ever practiced healthy eating and exercise that was not motivated by an unhealthy motive. About three months ago, my roommate unexpectedly got broken up with by a long term partner and vowed the next day to begin a healthier lifestyle, and it inspired me immensely. Pretty soon, I was tagging along on her 5-mile hikes and making smoothies with her for dinner. For two weeks, I was fully immersed and did at least 4 miles of walking each day along with consuming only healthy products. I found it to be very beneficial, yet definitely difficult to maintain.
As the weather gets colder, I am more likely to hibernate and I have been pretty sick off and on since the weather has shifted which makes it difficult to find the motivation to exercise. When it comes to healthy eating, it can be challenging to be consistent as well. I find that my grocery bills are much higher, and I have to shop once a week. Prior to this lifestyle shift, I strictly did a once a month haul which was mainly boxes of pasta and frozen meals, and the total was always pretty low. Now, I run out of food completely by Day 6 or 7 since I am consuming only perishables. So, eating healthier requires more time and money, but despite that challenge, I love the way that I feel in this healthier lifestyle. I am motivated for 2020 to keep up with this change.
Be more supportive with my friends who are in relationships.
My biggest flaw, and something I am actively working on, is that I am pretty bitter because of past relationships gone sour. Because of this, I really struggle with close friends sharing things like their long term partner surprising them with something sweet or an exceptional first date a friend went on. I always listen and ask questions, but I want to be able to feel genuinely happy for them and not jealous and bitter.
I want to be more receptive to my friends’ love lives in 2020. I want to ask more questions, and listen wholeheartedly, instead of my mind and heart lying elsewhere. I caught myself slipping into that bitter mindset last night out with a friend who is in a very positive, new relationship. She was talking about it and I felt myself not saying much or speaking in shorter sentences than normal.
After a little while, I began to notice how I was behaving and made an effort to engage more. I asked her a bunch of specific questions that I knew would get her talking, and things that I would like friends to ask me if I were in her place. I did feel excited for her when I saw how happy her new partner made her.
I would like to keep this up in the new year and hopefully it will strengthen my friendships, which is what is the most important part of my life, even more.
Do you have any resolutions that you are going to work on in 2020? Feel free to share below!