At Ease

I’ve been feeling more at ease lately. In the past my self-esteem has not always been great – whenever I try to remember past me it’s like I don’t recognize her. I can no longer relate, which is a bit sad but good at the same time. Sometimes I miss how I use to come up with my own ideas of how people felt towards me, but this was a defense mechanism and although it was equivalent to jumping to conclusions it was like protection for me.

These days I’ve been focusing more on how I feel about other people. I’m more observant and more aware, and I’m also learning how to deal with criticism from others. I think I’ve actually had less criticism than when I had low self-esteem because my whole outlook on criticism changed. I’m no longer plagued by the fear of rejection as I once was.

I also realized what I lacked half of the time was attention in many areas of my life and sometimes I sought it from people I didn’t even like. I’ve started to smile more, love more, enjoy life more . I’ve also noticed a huge shift in my life after disconnecting with people who no longer served a purpose in my life. I know that sounds cold, but I see how valuable and important time is, and realized I no longer want to waste it. These are reasons why I’m more forgiving, yes, but less vulnerable with people from my past.

Before I was the opposite – I was more vulnerable and less forgiving. So this shows a huge change. What helped me bring my confidence up is being a part of a community, volunteering, working at a company I absolutely adore that accepted me and letting go of the past, and people who I’m generally not compatible with. All of those steps are life changing.

Have you ever taken action, whether intentional or not, on your self-esteem, relationships, and your ability to take criticism? What are emotions that you felt were negatively impacting you in reaction to certain events in your life?