22 more weeks and I’ll graduate with another degree. It seems so close and so far away at the same time. I wish I could be more excited for what’s to come, but right now I just feel anxious. A list of things that make me anxious are paying for my student loans, finding a job, making enough money, managing my family relationships, feeling incompetent, not feeling good enough to do anything right, and so on.
I have been crushed by the weight of anxiety and trauma, as I’m sure many of you are familiar with. I’ve felt like I couldn’t possibly bear the weight anymore, unable to think, breathe, or function countless times. But I’ve been investing in my safety nets lately, like hugging myself, talking to friends and family, and doing my favorite hobbies which are always there for me.
The past month has been difficult for me with new mental health symptoms, diagnoses, and medications. Because of my new symptom of fluctuating between having very little energy or motivation and then feeling very motivated and over-confident, my health care team has assigned me the task of completing a daily mood tracker.
Ten years ago I was in middle school, going through my awkward adolescent phase. I wasn’t particularly interested in school, but I wasn’t a bad student. I just kind of showed up, went through the motions, and went home. What I started feeling around that time was like nothing I ever felt before. After years of being told by other kids that I was ugly and stupid, I started to believe it.
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