Summer and Swimsuits

The summer season is coming upon us fast. That means shorts, tank-tops, and one of my biggest causes of my anxiety, swimsuits. I’ve struggled with acceptance for my body type since I was very young. I’ve never been the girl with the nice body, and I never really looked like my friends. I’m shorter and a big larger than my friends. While they might not notice it, I do.

It causes a lot of stress in my day to day life in normal clothes, but swimsuit season is a whole other issue I tackle. I don’t like one pieces because I feel like they make me look more compressed, but I also don’t like bikinis because they show too much of my stomach that I am comfortable with. The biggest thing I don’t like about my thoughts is I will see a plus size model in magazines rocking a bikini and she will look gorgeous, but when I look in the mirror I think I don’t look the same and I should just cover up and skip the pool that day.

Now I’ve been trying to lose weight in a healthy way for a while now. Trying to limit the extra sugar and carbs I take, but while still meeting my daily calorie intake recommended by my doctor. My goal is to lose 20 pounds of fat, but in the meantime I’m working on loving myself at any number because I know the number on the scale doesn’t define who I am.

Now this story has a positive spin to it and here it is. So I went to the mall a week or two ago and out of nowhere I had the urge to try on some new swimsuits which is very out of my comfort zone. I tried on colors I would never imagine myself feeling comfortable in and to my surprise they were the colors I loved most on my body! I tried on pastel pink, yellow, and red and absolutely loved them. Normally I don’t go for lighter colors because I’m naturally pale and don’t tan well, but I loved how those colors looked on me.

For the first time ever I tried on a bikini and loved how I looked in it. It was high-waisted so it complimented my curves and covered the areas of my stomach I don’t love that much. I’ve never seen a brighter smile on my face in a dressing room than I did that day.

Does the summer trigger anxieties for you in anyway? How do you feel about “swimsuit season?” If you’re on the journey, what’s your experience been like with practicing body positivity and self-love?