Losing a Friend

***This is my first post, so do forgive me if it is not the most well written!***

I’m not the type of person to become overwhelmed when things go wrong. Typically whether it was a bad grade on a test or a fight with family member, I would journal and think through the mistakes I made before attempting to address the situation again. I always felt like I knew had to cope.

Recently though, my friend and I had gotten into an argument that has seemingly become insurmountable. At first, I though I might be able to do what I typically did. Reason through my actions, recognize my mistakes, and apologize. But as time went on, and my friend refused to forgive me or even apologize himself, the more hopeless I became.

This cycle took me down a path where I began to question my own convictions, unsure of what I could have done that would make my once friend turn on me in such a dramatic way. We began to talk less, see each other less, and eventually he told me that he no longer wanted to hear from me. When I questioned why, they took it a step further by spreading lies about me to my other friends, exposing to me a side of him I had not seen before.

It took quite some time to understand this turn of events, to explain what was truly happening in this situation. Now, after nearly a year of this fighting I have come to understand the situation better. The things I had been apologizing for in the past, even if they had been true mistakes, never justified the ways in which my friend had chosen to act. Why he was acting in this way was because of his own insecurities, his inability to cope with the limitations he could provide in the friendship. Instead of addressing these insecurities when they were brought up, he decided to push them away, blaming myself and others for the issues in his life. In addition to his issues with me, I came to learn this was an ongoing trend with a lot of the people in his life. With him consistently blaming others for problems he felt persisted in his life, never taking it upon himself to address his own issues.

Though I deeply care for him, I had to understand that I can only go so far in trying to help him with their issues. Whether that’s by providing advice or taking blame. Eventually, if someone needs help they must be the ones to take the step to seek that help. They must be open to changing themselves, otherwise regardless of what anyone says or does, they cannot. In addition, I also came to realize that most movements in your life where you seek forgiveness for mistakes you have made will go unsatisfied. It is important to build a foundation within yourself that you can rely on when these moments occur. Depending on someone else for forgiveness is a recipe for dissatisfaction. Understand what you did, do what you can to make amends, and know you did everything you could. Everyone makes mistakes, and perhaps you can never right the wrong in your friend/family members mind, but as long as you do what you can to heal the situation and be better in the next day, there is no one that can hold you back from moving forward.