Self-Care Day was yesterday. Going into the day, I intended to do absolutely no work. I didn’t want to take my ADHD medication. The plan was that I was going to play games with my friends, get a nice meal for take-out, have a relaxing movie date with my boyfriend. When I came down stairs in the early morning, after sleeping for almost 12 hours, all of my roommates were on their laptops drafting emails and producing essays. This… was not a part of my plan. Immediately I was embarrassed and felt like I was sticking out like a thumb. All of my roommates are in multiple clubs and hold multiple leadership positions. They also all have jobs. I do feel less “worthy” than them because they objectively do more work and are more involved than I am. I LIKE not having much to do. I WANT to relax. I WANT to be a kid and I DON’T want to be a grown up yet. Right now, most of my friends have expressed how tired they are will college and they feel ready to move on. I feel the opposite way. I’m not ready and I don’t want to move on. I am afraid. I feel childish. I feel naive.
I want to work as hard as they do, but I don’t have that genuine drive. I don’t feel the same passion. I just want to lay down mostly. I love relaxing.